[ItsASecret]

Society will never ever change to a standard of complete equality. That is the way human nature goes, there is always going to be an imbalance in something. As for the double standard in men vs. women and sex I personally think it has to do with the bad apples that truly do ruin it for others. That one guy who essentially goes on the hunt for a piece of *** in the bar for example is different than the guy who is chatting with a girl and his only intention is to talk. A lot of women will lump men together as "that guy" when they are approached because in today's society "that guy" is so very common so it is simply hard to trust a man's intention when so often the only intention is to be thrown on a bed and used for sex. If the majority of men were that sweet nice guy and not the vulture-in-the-bar-type I believe the perception of men would change. But as long as the bad apples behave in that manner women will consider a man's intention as simply sex based.

As for the difference in perception to women flirting or dancing I think a lot has to do with women having the intention of validation rather than a physical intention of sex like men. Women are too often looking for that comfort, that validation that they are sexy, they are something to be looked at and woo'ed over. Dancing with a man and him getting an erection validates to her that she did something sexy, she made him feel good, but her intention is often just that and not to take him home and use him for sex. The women may be in clubs or bars chatting up men but they simply do not go out looking for sex the way men do, women go for the attention in places like that or to honestly hang out with their girlfriends and maybe flirt a bit. However the intentions are completely different in the chatting scenarios, or the dancing, or the flirting. That does not mean women do not go looking for sex, there are plenty that do, however the ratio of men who do vs. women who do are very imbalanced.

[jen1447]

I think its much more socially acceptable for women to be Bi, than for men.

It is, and much more prevalent, but imo it's likely that the social aspect is determined by the prevalence, not vice versa. In other words, it's more socially acceptable for women to be bi because there are tons more bi women than men. In that context, it sort of makes perfect sense. Like if no one owned cats but everyone owned dogs, cat ownership would likely be less socially acceptable than dog ownership. Familiarity opens the doors.

That begs the question then of whether any particular 'double standard' is informed by bias or ignorance. It's possible that two different people would look upon bisexuality in men for example with totally different motivations - either bias (an irrational hatred or loathing) or ignorance - it appears striking or noteworthy because you're unfamiliar with it, but you have no malice in your heart. The differences are huge.

[rcoreyus]

It is also possible to be conscious of your own irrational bias, and to not act on it, but not to be able to change it. Gay men kissing bothers me at some deep irrational level. I completely support their right to do so in public or private, and wish them the very best happiness in their relationships. I do my very best not to let anyone see my reaction, but it is still there.

I find two women kissing to be irrationally exciting. Again I do my best not to let this be noticed by anyone.

[Stillness]

Gay men kissing bothers me at some deep irrational level...I find two women kissing to be irrationally exciting.

This is partly why I think female bisexuality is more accepted and more prevalent. I have a revulsion to any homosexuality, but part of me is divided on the female kind.

[jen1447]

It is also possible to be conscious of your own irrational bias, and to not act on it, but not to be able to change it.

Good point, but I think I'd qualify your own bias in that case as benign. That some people feel that way doesn't bother me, fwiw.

[JonDoe]

Perhaps it is a bit of a stretch, but I think it is a double standard for women to wear revealing clothing and men to be viewed as perverts for looking (glancing, not staring) at the contents that are being revealed. If your boobs are hanging out or your thong is clearly visible, I'm gonna look.

[Trixareforkids]

Perhaps it is a bit of a stretch, but I think it is a double standard for women to wear revealing clothing and men to be viewed as perverts for looking (glancing, not staring) at the contents that are being revealed. If your boobs are hanging out or your thong is clearly visible, I'm gonna look.

I think the objection is to leering not looking. An appreciative gaze, even a long one is fine, even welcome. The "you know you want it" eye boinking is not. My BFF is a gay man, so I spend time in gay bars, and it's the same thing, an appreciative gaze and even a complement is welcome, but there is a decency line you just don't cross. When describing the difference it may sound subtle and hard to define, but that's just it, there is no subtlety in the unwelcome lookers, and the difference is in the lookers, some make you feel appreciated while others make you feel violated and that is all about the clearly visible intent/inner monologue of the looker.

[jen1447]

Exactly. ^ We all like to feel hot, but not many like to have the feeling they're the featured star in somebody's personal x-rated movie.

[effy2014]

Wow, JD, I'm new here but can't understand why you put up with this. Like most of us guys, your emotional connection to her is intertwined with your physical/intimate connection to her. Sounds like the connection is on its last breath. The empty nest syndrome -- its been 18 years since you have had to relate to her "alone" -- is real and you will soon reach the point of not being able to live semi-celebate. Based on your comments, she is dismissive of your issues and you have not made it critical enough for her to deal with them. Either confront her and use communication/marital therapy to actually resolve the intimacy problems or use the passive-aggressive approach and flirt away. She needs to feel uncomfortable that if she doesn't change, your marital stays might.