[atskitty2]

Ah, Jen...I thought it meant F--k the world. Lol. That's how I've seen that used!

So Jon, she has no issues with friends and work relationships where give and take are required, and validation of each other's ideas and points of view, or respectful disagreement, are all a part of the game. But at home with you, she is an active participant except in this area? It doesn't add up my friend...it makes no sense to me. Why so different with you?

I suppose it could be that her friends also find her dismissive or cold, but they don't live with her so it isn't like they're going to complain

But again, and maybe there's a better descriptive term than respect, but in fact, regardless her love language, the fact that she knows your needs and essentially flips you the bird in that she continually makes no effort...

I just don't understand how you can describe such a traditionally beautiful life here, yet be nearly ready to leave, as I believe you mentioned above? I understand being essentially ignored-lived that way myself-and that is enough to make us want to leave...but there's something scratching beneath the surface here and I hope counseling brings it out for you.

My hubby dismissed me too, but he completely disconnected at some point. Today, you don't describe that...other times you have seemed to indicate that, as I've read thru some old posts. ( I do realize things change day to day and these posts are but a moment in time)
I am at a loss...and sitting here thinking, I realize how much I empathize with you, and recognize how you might be feeling. I hope it works out.

[JonDoe]

So Jon, she has no issues with friends and work relationships where give and take are required, and validation of each other's ideas and points of view, or respectful disagreement, are all a part of the game. But at home with you, she is an active participant except in this area? It doesn't add up my friend...it makes no sense to me. Why so different with you?

Her friends are mostly women. They don't live with her, they don't see her everyday, they aren't expected to share the childcare and chores, and they don't want/need to have sex with her. If I don't initiate or talk about sex, or how my needs are not being met, and still remain attentive to her needs, then we get along great. Obviously, this does not work for me nor should it.

I suppose it could be that her friends also find her dismissive or cold, but they don't live with her so it isn't like they're going to complain

But again, and maybe there's a better descriptive term than respect, but in fact, regardless her love language, the fact that she knows your needs and essentially flips you the bird in that she continually makes no effort...

Respect is the correct term. She is not respectful of my feelings or needs for physical intimacy, but she does give me respect in other areas of our life together. I disagreed with the claim that there is "NO RESPECT for ourselves and each other".

I just don't understand how you can describe such a traditionally beautiful life here, yet be nearly ready to leave, as I believe you mentioned above? I understand being essentially ignored-lived that way myself-and that is enough to make us want to leave...but there's something scratching beneath the surface here and I hope counseling brings it out for you.

I am ready to leave because I can no longer live like this. I deserve to have my needs met too. In modern society we are reminded of sex so many times each and everyday. I have a beautiful, healthy woman in my life and yet I can't be intimate with her, and haven't for months.

My hubby dismissed me too, but he completely disconnected at some point. Today, you don't describe that...other times you have seemed to indicate that, as I've read thru some old posts. ( I do realize things change day to day and these posts are but a moment in time)

Yes, it does vary somewhat from day to day, mostly depending on when I post. If I post after a heated argument and/or being rejected, or late at night when I can't sleep, then the intensity of my posts is greater.

I am at a loss...and sitting here thinking, I realize how much I empathize with you, and recognize how you might be feeling. I hope it works out.

Thanks! I hope so too, but I am ready to move on if that is what it takes for me to be happy.

[jen1447]

^ This bot-man is hilarious ....he doesn't think husbands and wives should notify each other, and in another thread he was going to "fireplace" an employee! Also rejection erodes bonbons.

[Stillness]

Well, many a bonbon has been digested after a rejection.

I think it's a bot-woman.

[jns]

I think it's artificial un-intelligence.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think you are all correct !

[atskitty2]

You're right, you do deserve to have your needs met, and to be happy - we all do! Just realize that leaving her doesn't guarantee, or even increase the likelihood, that your needs will be met by the next person in the long term. Sex is fairly easy to get these days, relatively speaking. You'll likely find that this need will be met, while others go unmet, and that can be fine if this is the priority for you.

[jns]

The trouble is characterizing the situation as just lack of sex. It almost never is just about sex. It is also about lack of intimacy. It can be about lack of empathy. If sex was so loosely tied, it is a desire that could be fulfilled by a prostitute.

[JonDoe]

The trouble is characterizing the situation as just lack of sex. It almost never is just about sex. It is also about lack of intimacy. It can be about lack of empathy. If sex was so loosely tied, it is a desire that could be fulfilled by a prostitute.

Yup, what he said. ^^^

Sex is not the top priority in my life -- far from it. However, the fact that the woman I love, who supposedly loves me and that I have committed 25 years of my life to, is intentionally withholding physical intimacy with full knowledge of the negative effects it is having on me and our relationship has become too much to bear.

[atskitty2]

Intimacy demonstrated through sex right? Because there's intimacy elsewhere.

I think in my lecture series here, I've made it pretty clear that I think its about way more than sex.
I don't know what the root problem is, but I agree there's intimacy lacking, and not just in sexual expression.