[HerHusband]

Don't apologize. It's an issue important to women too. I pressed my DH to go to my endocrinologist because I just knew his problem was diabetes. He does, in fact, have "pre-diabetes," but the endo found that he also has low testosterone. Unfortunately, he's still not regulated on T medicine after two years of tweaking. Still too low. 8-(

Its a small point but what is a "DH"? From what infer it means divorced husband?

[kdc]

Its a small point but what is a "DH"? From what infer it means divorced husband?

Sorry! In my case, DH stands for "Dear Husband." 8-)

[JonDoe]

lack of trying has been a super soar issue between us.

That is the main problem for my marriage as well. Yet, my wife claims she is "bending over backwards for our marriage." Selfish, clueless and lazy.

Anyway I hate the thought of what might be your sexually best years going to waste. It's one thing if your partner has issues and is willing to try to correct them, another if he does and isn't.

This is yet another thing that makes it so very difficult. We certainly aren't getting any younger.

[a_dub]

I wish I ran into women who's husbands refused to put out. I'd be perfectly willing to step up and lend a helping penis!

[Stillness]

I wish I ran into women who's husbands refused to put out. I'd be perfectly willing to step up and lend a helping penis!

I thought it was just digital women for you, a_dub. You probably do run into unfulfilled married women. There are plenty out there. It's probably safer to get your own, though.

[Archer]

Ok...so "porn addiction" has a lot of angles that need to be looked at.

First, sex, porn, drugs, etc, any type of behavior that triggers a dopamine (reward chemical) release in your brain can cause addiction to said dopamine release. In small quantities, dopamine is used for survival; when you're hungry all day, and you finally get that first bite to eat; when you're horny all day, and you finally get down with that lucky someone. These are kind of oversimplifications, but dopamine is meant to be the body's natural response to things that happen in your life, to cause you to want them to happen again.

Now when you overload your brain on dopamine, by doing ANY activity that releases it over and over and over again for long periods of time, or very frequently repeated situations, your brain starts to burn new neurological pathways. Porn is no different.

Neuroplasticity is the proven concept that your brain continually rewires itself throughout your life, based on various stimuli. The women on here who talk about men who prefer porn to a warm, female body are most likely talking about men who have overloaded the dopamine receptors in their brains, and have burned new pathways that their brain uses to process it, i.e. watching people have sex on a computer screen.

This can make it impossible for some men to get turned on otherwise, and the only way to fix it for men who have gone this far is to go cold turkey, and for the sake of their sexual future/mental health, to never ever watch it again.


Now that's the extreme.


As far as the rest of us, or at least for me, porn is usually just a supplement to my sex life. When I'm sexually active, have a girlfriend or "girl-friend", I tend to watch way less. When I'm in a dry spell, it becomes more of a hobby. But an ex of mine had me thoroughly convinced that I was an addict if I EVER watched it even once. Even in Iraq. If you compare a soldier stationed in a warzone away from his partner to the scenario of the genuine addict burning a need for porn into his brain, there's obviously a disconnect somewhere along the line, and I would agree firsthand that the term "addict" is incredibly overused.

I sat in a sexaholics anonymous meeting, convinced by this ex that I was some kind of sicko for watching porn a couple of times over the course of a few months. I sat and listened to people talk about their hundreds of DVD's and porn collections that they never even had the time to watch, thousands of dollars to paid sites, getting fired for whackin it at work, having hundreds of sexual partners, and I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that this was not me. This was an entirely different level, and would probably be much closer to the definition of genuine addiction than anything I had ever experienced.


Last, I think a lot of women place undo stress on themselves/their appearance, comparing themselves to the women on the camera, even more than guys really do. I told another ex-gf that there is no way I would expect any girl I dated to look like someone who gets paid to have sex on camera for a living. There just isn't enough time in the day or money in the bank for most people in this world to look like that. I've had plenty of fun with women with stretch marks, scars, makeup-free, messed up hair, etc etc. For most guys, it's about looking a woman in the eyes and feeling yourself inside her. That's what's hot. And especially if you love that person, no woman on camera can recreate that connection. Period.


Anyways, the only time you should really worry about "addiction" or porn in general is if it either a) replaces you or b) is required to get him turned on. In case a, you guys have a serious emotional rift that most likely needs therapy to fix, and in case b he might be farther gone down a path than you have the patience to wait for him to return from.

[jenny23]

Hmm, how do you define porn addiction ? These days porn is pretty common. It's an addiction, when your genitals control you and force you to masturbate to get that 'rush'. My ex-BF used to be a masturbation addict too.

He went to the doc after some time, who gave him therapy. I have no idea, if he got rid of his problem atm.