[stigggger]

I’m almost embarrassed to write this as a middle aged man who should be well versed in the techniques of pleasuring his wife… however… it seems not...

To cut a long story short my wife has declared that she’s bored of the same old routine… I fiddle with her bits to warm her up (manually, not orally – she doesn't like oral), once she’s warmed up we progress to missionary position, potentially one other position and/or anal then we’re done… due to our size compatibility there are only a number of positions that work for both of us but it’s the ‘warming up’ bit I’m really looking to change… so…

I’m looking for other ways to warm her up, what other ways do you guys suggest so we can break out of this ‘routine’?

Thanks

[Stillness]

She's the one that complained, so what does she want? Did you ask her what she'd like to do?

[rcoreyus]

Stillness is right, you need to find out what she would like. It could be anything from wine and flowers to bondage and spanking, there is just no way to know. Have you ever tried something different and had her turn you down?

[jen1447]

once she’s warmed up

How long do you spend at this? You should do anything and everything she needs, no matter how long it takes. It can be a day-long effort, starting with sexy texts when you're at work, etc. Then play tons of kissyface and grabass before getting down to serious business. It's generally a turn-off if a guy goes to the sex with little fanfare.

You're options seem a bit limited by her lack of affection for oral ....maybe broach that subject with her. Why doesn't she like it? (Is it something about you, etc. - sometimes little things put us off of like too much beard stubble.) There's a lot of potential with cunnilingus/analingus that seems untapped, but you could try orally loving every other inch of her body instead. For a long, long time. If you put in all the effort and then some, she will appreciate it.

[Trixareforkids]

The 1st place to start is like Stillness said, by asking her. If she's unsatisfied but not sure what she wants then it's time for BOTH of you to get a little creative. For a lot of women sex is very mental and we can't get into it until we get our mind off everything else, sometimes it's just about getting that time to be completely there in the moment. Don't go straight for the relevant bits, unless she's asking you to of course, gently explore all her parts avoiding the relevant bits except for casual touch on the way to something else. Use lotion, powder, soft gloves, rough gloves. Have her do the same for you by the way. You might have a night of just touching, hands only pleasure, a little bit of denial goes a long way sometimes. You say she doesn't like oral but get that spelled out clearly, I don't O from oral, but I can enjoy the sensation of it. If it's something you enjoy doing she may be open for it if it's understood she's not expected to O. Sometime I get more fired up playing with his body than him playing with mine, talk to her about that. There are tons of things you can do, what would you like to see her do or see done to or with her? A blindfold, spoken fantasy or erotica, and some light (or not so light) touching can be very fun.

If you're both unsure what you'd like to try peruse an online sex store, look at everything and talk about what it's for and what you'd do with it, even if you wouldn't really. It'll give you both ideas and help open a discussions. Maybe ask if she's willing to read erotica (if she doesn't already) and get her a couple of books the Women's Best Erotica series has lots of variety so she can find some favorites and reading those aloud can be fun with or without some light touching to go with it.


Talk to her. The more y'all talk the better your sex life will be, if y'all aren't accustomed to talking about what you want just keep moving through the awkward stage until you've both uncovered what it is you'd like to try.

Happy explorations

[rcoreyus]

One other comment: I don't think "warming her up" is the right way to think about it. I don't think of sex as a serious of actions that lead to intercourse, with an orgasm as the goal. The entire set of activities IS the goal, not a way to get to a goal.

[Archer]

Tell her, on a weekend maybe, that you are both going to take a thorough shower in the morning and get done up, hot and ready for some good sex--but that you're not going to tell her when and where. Take her aside here and there, passionately kiss her, touch her, tell her how beautiful she is, run your fingers through her hair, get her to think that you're about to go at it right then and there--and then go on with whatever you were doing like nothing happened. She will sit there and just marinate. Pretend like you're too stupid to even notice. Trust me man, she'll go nuts for you Tease the living hell outta her until she begs you for it. 90% of the time, it works every time.

[atskitty2]

Dude! She may marinate or she may reach her limit, & throw him down in the frozen section of the grocery, as I would be tempted to do, but I may stay out of jail by dragging his butt to the unisex bathroom and attacking him there...
That is playing with fire my dear, and what a beautiful fire it is!!
I say do it. If my hubby had ever tried something so sexy I'd have, um, really appreciated and responded favorably, to put it diplomatically

If she isn't responsive to your effort, at least you're sending a very clear message that you want to shake it up and add some flavor to your otherwise bland (it seems) sex life. It could at least start a discussion between you two.

[jen1447]

Dude! She may marinate or she may reach her limit, & throw him down in the frozen section of the grocery, as I would be tempted to do, but I may stay out of jail by dragging his butt to the unisex bathroom and attacking him there...
That is playing with fire my dear, and what a beautiful fire it is!!
I say do it. If my hubby had ever tried something so sexy I'd have, um, really appreciated and responded favorably, to put it diplomatically

OMFG ....kitty I love it when you get fiesty!

[atskitty2]

Ha! Was it my crafty use of "dude"? Lol