[Archer]

a.k.a. .. buddies. Simply put, a situation where you use each other for sex.

I've had a few of these interactions go pretty well, but they kind of happened by random chance, and ran their course...

I'm at the point where, until I meet the next person I want to date, I would rather have a 2-3 solid partners than a bunch of crappy one-night stands. I'm wondering how to approach this with new women I come across, or how to notice the signs of a woman who is in a spot where she would want this as well--maybe what traits they are looking for in the type of guy they would have this kind of arrangement with, etc.

It seems like coming off as "boyfriend material" would totally kill any interest in this type of arrangement, but it would be hard for me pretend I'm some dumb party idiot who's just good for a good .., which seems to be the type of guy that girls have no-strings-attached sex with.

Thoughts from your end ladies?

Also, these interactions tend to range from the girl being cool with just sex, to wanting to go out and do things together (which to me is not .. buddies, it's dating). Are most girls going to expect some kind of wooing, going out from time to time?

I apologize ahead of time if I come off as a total jerk. Just trying to help you help me help you.

[atskitty2]

You're in your 20's right?
I ask that because my answer may be slightly different if you're my age, not sure.

Just being honest and asking/telling is the best approach and what I would respond to.
Now obviously, I don't mean for you to blurt it out over the checkout counter at your local dollar store, but when you meet someone and while having whatever discussion arises about attraction or dating-ya know, that time you express mutual interest- just say what you're looking for.
If it doesn't happen by chance again, that is.

It could be that girls your age wouldn't be so open to this type of honesty, idk. But I've had men approach me this way, I declined and it was all good, no hard feelings.

I prefer to know the basic intentions in a case like that. I think most women would, regardless of age. I don't think you can really know what a girl wants without having a talk...as you know, we like to keep ourselves mysterious at times

Not sure I really addressed your questions. Good luck tho. Keep us posted on your progress

[Trixareforkids]

Well... It's right in the title, FRIENDS w/benefits. It starts with the friendship. I got together w/hubby at 20, but right before we got together I had a FWB relationship with my boss. We worked the 3-11 shift and sometimes he'd give me a lift home and we'd chat a while and that's where it started and it continued right up until hubby and I realized we weren't just friends any more, then I told FWB it'd been nice. We stayed friends and he'd still give me a lift home and we'd still chat until I moved and changed jobs.

It sounds like your really looking for a friendly bed buddy (or 2) not a FWB. FWBs can't really be searched out as the friendship really needs to come first and be something that will last beyond the bed warming phase. If you have some single gal pals, start there, if not, get your non-single gal pals to invite some of THEiR single gal pals out for drinks and see if you can make some new friends or buddies. Just be sure your gal pals know what you're looking for, they can help steer you in the right direction and keep you away from the needy or barracudas.

Or... Craig's list, lol

Happy hunting!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Simply put.

Every woman that starts with you as friends with benefits in my opinion has low self esteem. But ideally wants a boyfriend so that is where they try to date you.

But, I think because in your opinion they gave in too easily you don't try to see them, rather you think..........and so you move on.

So are you suggesting you want 2 to 3 solid partners, ie) dating you, then you decide which one you want to spend more time with, quality wise to see if they become a girlfriend?

Don't sleep with them date them.

What you are doing is casual sex, they want more, you don't as they are to you causal sex right?

So don't sleep with them, date them.

I know that sounds simple but to me that's the key for you to find your next partner.

[jen1447]

What kitty and Trix said as far as simple FWB goes. Be honest but not creepy-forward, and if you want an actual friend to sleep with, it has to be a ....friend.

[ms_lorr]

I can never understand why friends with benefits simply do not become boyfriend and girlfriend, what is the difference?

[Trixareforkids]

I can never understand why friends with benefits simply do not become boyfriend and girlfriend, what is the difference?

FWB satisfy a physical need with someone you trust WITHOUT everything else that goes with a BF/GF relationship, which carries elements of possession and dependence that they don't want or are not ready for. Someone who sees no difference between the two is someone who couldn't/shouldn't have a FWB because they can't separate the physical act of sex from a committed relationship.

[Justice]

I was considering it with only one guy.

He suggested it but in hindsight, I think he really want a FB or ONS. I was considering it, FWB (no interest in either of the other two).

I don't know that we'd been a good match as a couple or for a long-term (couple) relationship. He pressed the right buttons at the right time and I had no interest in dating or being a couple but he got to me in a way and at a time I was like constantly aroused- but I still could not consider it if we weren't going to be at least friends for a while. It was going to be to fulfill needs for both of us. Now we are kind of back to where I thought we were going to be in the beginning, kind of somewhat professional friends.

Now as to whether I could handle "just" FWB, I still think about it and I am not sure I would not have been hurt (on the one hand) but on the other I don't think we would make a good couple and I am kind of hurt that we never did get to FWB. I still think the sex would have been good.

At least he was good enough to back off when it became clear that I wanted the Friends part as well as the WB; I assume that was not what he wanted. (he was in another relationship,I wasn't)

I am not sure that the OP likely ever really wanted FWB either; I would hope that if he really wants a FB or ONS that he is honest enough not to pretend he really wants FWB. Because while it is not a committed couple, it still is more than FB/ONS.

[rcoreyus]

Also, I could imagine (if I wasn't in a committed relationship) a FWB relationship with someone where there was great physical compatibly and friendship, but very different lifetime goals. My serious girlfriend before I was married was like that. We enjoyed each other's company (in bed and out of it), but we were looking for very different things out of life so we both knew it was not a long term relationship. We parted on very good terms. (OK, she dumped me, but very nicely....)

[Archer]

Yes Kitty, I'm 29. But I've done this with not only girls my age, but one particular woman who was much older (around 40 I believe)

I can kind of see some of the points you all are trying to make.

1) Most women, even if interested in an interaction that is primarily centered on sex, would want it to be with with a friend that they could also trust and confide in somewhat. I had one girl mention that, even though she admittedly allowed it and even encouraged it, she felt "cheap" because she would show up at my door every time I called. So I can see that kind of got to her over time.

2) F-Buddies and FWB are two different things, for the reasons above

I would have to disagree with the argument that all women who enter these types of arrangements think lowly of themselves. There are plenty of women out there (crossing my fingers) that I believe would love to have some good sex with no strings attached, in a more safe and regular fashion than one night stands.

I have a lot of things going on in life, and have recently broken up with someone and chosen to stay single for the near future, until my life gets a bit more settled (graduating from school and changing states, etc)...so it would be nice to maybe find a couple of girls that might not quite stimulate me on the intellectual level that I'm looking for, or may not be planning a serious future in the here and now, but are still sweet and fun to be around, and have some good sex with. Maybe later I would use this type of thing to lead to a relationship, which I have also done in the past, but not right now.

I guess what I would be looking for would be FWB, but definitely not someone even close to my own social circle (turned these types of opportunities down numerous times, not interested). More like a stranger that I happen to meet and really get along with...