[kira]

Actually much of the more psychological stuff you mentioned works the opposite with people who haven't had much sex. My reasons for not wanting to ever date a virgin again were not from quality of sex but from mentality that came with it. The immaturity and lack of relationship knowledge even if that relationship is just friends with benefits. One guy I repeatedly refused to officially be his gf but eventually he decided sex=marriage despite what I had to say. My first bf could not have done anything more wrong. He had no idea how to care about another person. After a year we stopped having sex for the next year or maybe closer to 2 that we were living together. In the end he even attempted to physically keep me from leaving him. People who have had several sexual relationships are much more likely to be mentally stable and know that they do have to care and try to figure out how to have good sex with each partner. Not that a person having sex for the first time can't attempt such things but there's a lot more getting in the way.

[effy2014]

Actually much of the more psychological stuff you mentioned works the opposite with people who haven't had much sex. My reasons for not wanting to ever date a virgin again were not from quality of sex but from mentality that came with it.

I agree with your observations, but neither Mags or Kitty are virgins (not that I know for a fact, only what I read). They are being made to feel "odd" because of their insistence on a relationship before partaking in sexual activity; many of the comments they have received from the more promiscuous set relate to the adage "if you don't use it you'll lose it" or trying to pressure them to be who they are not.

At my age, avoiding virgins is not an issue -- looking for them is probably a crime (or should be). I would rather date a woman who was not looking for sex because I too need a connection before jumping into bed. One woman asked if I was gay because I hadn't made a move to have sex on the second date. There was no third date.

[Baboy]

One woman asked if I was gay because I hadn't made a move to have sex on the second date. There was no third date.

As much as I generally refrain from resorting to initialisms such as "lol", "roflmao" and the like, I'll make an exception in this case. They apply to the above quote.

[Magnetism]

I agree with your observations, but neither Mags or Kitty are virgins (not that I know for a fact, only what I read). They are being made to feel "odd" because of their insistence on a relationship before partaking in sexual activity; many of the comments they have received from the more promiscuous set relate to the adage "if you don't use it you'll lose it" or trying to pressure them to be who they are not.

At my age, avoiding virgins is not an issue -- looking for them is probably a crime (or should be). I would rather date a woman who was not looking for sex because I too need a connection before jumping into bed. One woman asked if I was gay because I hadn't made a move to have sex on the second date. There was no third date.

Yes, I want to clarify that waiting for the right person doesn't mean being a virgin or waiting until marriage. One false assumption about people like kitty and I is that we're assumed to NEVER had casual sex. I've had some fun in the past and I think kitty said she has too (from what I've read), but I've outgrown it and don't see the need to do it regularly.

My definition of promiscuous is someone that's changing sex partners frequently within a short time. I had a bartender friend that took a different girl home every week. Or,my most promiscuous female friend will hook up with guy for one month, have her hopes up and then things end. Then, she meets a new guy. He fades out, and then she finds another new guy to have sex with.

What's NOT promiscuous to me is:

-Having a steady friends with benefits relationship. FWB situations can last for several months and be monogamous.
-Having a fling once, and then realizing that a fling isn't right for you.
-Going to a lesbian sex party to explore your bi-curious tendencies, and then deciding not have sex again until you found someone you were into.

You can be experienced sexually, and not be promiscuous. You can also have casual sex in the past, and realize that you no longer want to continue on that path. Sexuality isn't black and white. Whoever made up this, "You're either a virginal prude or a promiscuous sl**t" is WRONG.

[atskitty2]

Well, I don't consider myself to have ever had "casual sex" actually. I haven't been with a lot of men, but more than a couple. I was with my husband on & off for about 25 years I guess it was. During the times we were apart, I had a few actual relationships, as I believed them to be, some shorter-lived than others, but none of them were what I'd classify as "casual" or fwb type relations. We dated, met families, spent time together: we were in the state of being a couple.
Even so, by some standards, I am considered "promiscuous".

The question is, does promiscuity make you a better sex partner. To me, the answer is maybe. I think for those who are promiscuous, they may prefer someone with that experience & find them more to their liking in bed. Obviously, it isn't attractive to me, but I can certainly see how many others who don't share my feeling, could find them more attractive in that way.
I'm sort of playing devil's advocate here. I think people have all different preferences in bed, and their past isn't necessarily indicative of what kind of lover they'll be.
I do stand by my comment about practicing & getting rusty when you haven't done something for awhile. I've no doubt I give a more satisfying BJ at 40 than I did at 18, partly because of confidence & partly experience, and partly because with those 2 combined I ENJOY it more than I did at 18 And while I can hardly reclaim my virginity, I will expect to be a bit clumsy my first time back out the gate. I think that's just realistic. It's been a LONG time! And all the toys and fantasies don't substitute for a real life man with me.
I'm being lighthearted & fun here,

[Magnetism]

Atskitty-I misread when you said "back in your wilder days". Just like how you might be seen as promiscuous by some, I've been called promiscuous by people from my family's culture, because I'm not a virgin. Some white-Americans interestingly see me as prudish.

To me, the answer is maybe. I think for those who are promiscuous, they may prefer someone with that experience & find them more to their liking in bed.

The promiscuous man that I dated preferred non-promiscuous women, and my bartender friend that called me uptight/repressed also wanted to have sex with me. I wonder why he would want to have sex with a woman that he views repressed? This is just my experience though.

[jns]

I wonder why he would want to have sex with a woman that he views repressed?

Like a lot of people on ego trips, he probably thought he could "change you for the better".

[Magnetism]

Like a lot of people on ego trips, he probably thought he could "change you for the better".

Since he easily got various girls to jump into bed with him, he was probably wondering why I wouldn't budge. The fact was that he isn't my type, and he already has a girlfriend that I know personally. He did tell me that he was sexually abused as a kid, so I think his promiscuity may run deeper than just the need for sex. Before anyone thinks that sounds far-fetched, data supports that child sexual abuse survivors become promiscuous for non-sexual reasons. I know that when I get stressed out, my sex drive can go through the roof. There's something about physical touch and sex that soothes your stress/anxiety. What stops me from seeking out meaningless sex is that I don't want to get hurt emotionally.

[Motorguy]

Yes, I want to clarify that waiting for the right person doesn't mean being a virgin or waiting until marriage. One false assumption about people like kitty and I is that we're assumed to NEVER had casual sex. I've had some fun in the past and I think kitty said she has too (from what I've read), but I've outgrown it and don't see the need to do it regularly.

My definition of promiscuous is someone that's changing sex partners frequently within a short time. I had a bartender friend that took a different girl home every week. Or,my most promiscuous female friend will hook up with guy for one month, have her hopes up and then things end. Then, she meets a new guy. He fades out, and then she finds another new guy to have sex with.

What's NOT promiscuous to me is:

-Having a steady friends with benefits relationship. FWB situations can last for several months and be monogamous.
-Having a fling once, and then realizing that a fling isn't right for you.
-Going to a lesbian sex party to explore your bi-curious tendencies, and then deciding not have sex again until you found someone you were into.

You can be experienced sexually, and not be promiscuous. You can also have casual sex in the past, and realize that you no longer want to continue on that path. Sexuality isn't black and white. Whoever made up this, "You're either a virginal prude or a promiscuous sl****t" is WRONG.

Well Magnetism you are right a women who promiscuous are not a ****s. They just enjoy sex and they don't like being with the same guys everyday. When I was younger before got married, I rather have be with a women who was experience in bed then be with a virgin.The pleasure is good for you both then only for the guys.

[Magnetism]

Motorguy-my point was that a woman can fall in between virginal and promiscuous. I consider myself experienced , even though I'm currently celibate. I don't feel like seeking different partners will make me better, in my humble opinion.