[kdc]

I wasn't thinking in terms of bragging; I was thinking more along the lines of keeping the info from hurting another's feelings. I've never told my husband how many other men I've had in the past. He knows he wasn't the first, but I've been careful not to talk about them. I just don't want to open up a can of worms unnecessarily, you know?

[atskitty2]

I suppose we could get into the whole "define promiscuous" thing, and I'm surprised someone didn't bring that up already. I don't think it's necessary to define it, as I think we all recognize that the numbers game is subjective. It means something different to each of us.
Quite honestly, in reviewing my partners, I'm not sure if I was ever with a man who'd have been considered promiscuous. I certainly don't consider myself to have been promiscuous, even back in the wilder days of youth. I did have friends & acquaintances that I considered to be, although by many standards they probably were not. I guess I could draw conclusions from their confiding in me on occasion, but it really isn't my own experience.

I can tell you this: A male friend of mine has told me that the fact that I've remained celibate post-divorce, and not explored sexually, is indicative to men that I have a low sex-drive. He said that men are likely thinking that I don't like sex & it's just easy for me to avoid it. He said that is more the reason he likes "highly active" women, because he can see they have a high appetite & need it satisfied, and he seeks out those women to satisfy his own raging sex drive. I thought that was an interesting point of view. He said the quality is what you make of it. 2 people with high sex drives are, by nature, going to be adventurous & always seeking new experiences, whether with a new partner or the same one. I think he's right in many ways.

[Magnetism]

Atskitty-I respectfully disagree with your friend. Not only do I think promiscuous people aren't necessarily better in bed, but I also don't see them as having a higher appetite . I have a high sex drive and think about giving oral sex all day, but I don't see the point in blowing any random man just to fulfill an urge. I care about consequences and my future. Why sleep around when I can masturbate right now and then enjoy myself with a man that I'm madly and crazy in love with? I also feel that seeking out a casual sex partner is no easier than seeking out a romantic partner. A person has to be a certain type to make me feel sexually attracted to them. The same qualities I would look for in a casual partner are the same qualities I would look for in a long term partner -intelligent, great conversationalist, friendly, attractive, and goal-oriented. I can't feel any sexual attraction by going to a bar and running into some hot guy that doesn't stimulate me intellectually or that doesn't have any class.

[Magnetism]

Atskitty-your friend's comment got me thinking about something my former partner said. He said that the quiet and less promiscuous girls had the freakiest fetishes. He thought that since they weren't willing with every guy, they were more likely to let it all hang out. I will say the few promiscuous girls I know are pretty vanilla

[effy2014]

I can tell you this: A male friend of mine has told me that the fact that I've remained celibate post-divorce, and not explored sexually, is indicative to men that I have a low sex-drive. He said that men are likely thinking that I don't like sex & it's just easy for me to avoid it. He said that is more the reason he likes "highly active" women, because he can see they have a high appetite & need it satisfied, and he seeks out those women to satisfy his own raging sex drive. I thought that was an interesting point of view. He said the quality is what you make of it. 2 people with high sex drives are, by nature, going to be adventurous & always seeking new experiences, whether with a new partner or the same one. I think he's right in many ways.

I'm with Mags on this -- and, being a divorced man -- I never thought that way. Based on my experiences and discussions, most women (or maybe just the women I'm interested in) would rather have sex in the context of a relationship or at least with some emotional connection. I viewed the divorced women who rushed into bed as being more desperate than sexual. Men who prefer more outwardly sexual women are more likely looking to get laid than start a relationship.

I think my SO is a great example. She shut down sexually in her marriage because the relationship was crappy and she felt disrespected, unappreciated and alone. She also had a very vanilla sex life. She was not interested in a purely sexual relationship post divorce. However, when the right relationship came along, she became very sexual and adventurous. I am no great lover but I am good at romance, attentiveness and building a relationship. For her, those qualities unlocked her sexual
side. She had talked about her lack of interest in sex before we dated but it did not dissuade me in the least. Great relationships generally have great intimacy and physical connection.

I don't think being sexually adventurous is related to promiscuity. IMHO it is far more related to the amount of trust, safety and respect in the relationship.

[JonDoe]

No guarantees

I think that unselfishness is what makes a good lover.

[...snip...]

Two people developing together sexually is the ideal, I think.

I couldn't agree more with these two statements!!!

By her own admission, my wife was much more promiscuous than me before I met her and continued to be for at least six months after we started dating. However, now that I reflect on our relationship, she was the most prude and least skilled woman that I've slept with, even after 20+ years of marriage. I'm not trying to be harsh or speaking out of resentment, but objectively based on skills alone, I could easily have believed her either then or now if she claimed to be a virgin. In all those years, she gradually opened up to allow me to please her orally, manually, using a vibrator and at the very end of our relationship she would occasionally masturbate in front of me. However, I can count on two hands the number of times she tried to please me manually and on my two feet the number of times she tried to please me orally, and still have fingers and toes left. To make matters worse, less than half of those attempts were good enough to achieve orgasm. My wife was unskilled, close minded and selfish - the antithesis of a perfect trifecta if there ever was one.

Regardless of how good or bad our relationship was, she always said that I was the best lover she's ever had and there isn't even a close second.

I fell in love with her, not the sex, but unfortunately the sex never got any better for me and the relationship slowly deteriorated. I still love her, but I haven't been in love with her for years. Aren't I a complete fool?

[JonDoe]

Atskitty-I respectfully disagree with your friend. Not only do I think promiscuous people aren't necessarily better in bed, but I also don't see them as having a higher appetite . I have a high sex drive and think about giving oral sex all day, but I don't see the point in blowing any random man just to fulfill an urge. I care about consequences and my future. Why sleep around when I can masturbate right now and then enjoy myself with a man that I'm madly and crazy in love with? I also feel that seeking out a casual sex partner is no easier than seeking out a romantic partner. A person has to be a certain type to make me feel sexually attracted to them. The same qualities I would look for in a casual partner are the same qualities I would look for in a long term partner -intelligent, great conversationalist, friendly, attractive, and goal-oriented. I can't feel any sexual attraction by going to a bar and running into some hot guy that doesn't stimulate me intellectually or that doesn't have any class.

Like! Like! Like!

I wish I could give you more than one like on this post. You will make someone a very lucky guy when the time is right, and I must say that I am at least a little jealous of him.

[Magnetism]

I'm with Mags on this -- and, being a divorced man -- I never thought that way. Based on my experiences and discussions, most women (or maybe just the women I'm interested in) would rather have sex in the context of a relationship or at least with some emotional connection. I viewed the divorced women who rushed into bed as being more desperate than sexual. Men who prefer more outwardly sexual women are more likely looking to get laid than start a relationship.

I think my SO is a great example. She shut down sexually in her marriage because the relationship was crappy and she felt disrespected, unappreciated and alone. She also had a very vanilla sex life. She was not interested in a purely sexual relationship post divorce. However, when the right relationship came along, she became very sexual and adventurous. I am no great lover but I am good at romance, attentiveness and building a relationship. For her, those qualities unlocked her sexual
side. She had talked about her lack of interest in sex before we dated but it did not dissuade me in the least. Great relationships generally have great intimacy and physical connection.

I don't think being sexually adventurous is related to promiscuity. IMHO it is far more related to the amount of trust, safety and respect in the relationship.

I've been lucky where I haven't met many men that thought a celibate woman was "less sexual" either. I've met men flat out say that they do respect someone that waits, because it shows that they respect their body. Your example of your SO just illustrates how strong emotions and mental stimulation tie into sexual attraction. Feeling respected, comfortable and cherished enhance the experience.

[Magnetism]

Like! Like! Like!

I wish I could give you more than one like on this post. You will make someone a very lucky guy when the time is right, and I must say that I am at least a little jealous of him.

Ha, he better be prepared for receiving daily bj's.

[Stillness]

I couldn't agree more with these two statements!!!

By her own admission, my wife was much more promiscuous than me before I met her and continued to be for at least six months after we started dating. However, now that I reflect on our relationship, she was the most prude and least skilled woman that I've slept with, even after 20+ years of marriage. I'm not trying to be harsh or speaking out of resentment, but objectively based on skills alone, I could easily have believed her either then or now if she claimed to be a virgin. In all those years, she gradually opened up to allow me to please her orally, manually, using a vibrator and at the very end of our relationship she would occasionally masturbate in front of me. However, I can count on two hands the number of times she tried to please me manually and on my two feet the number of times she tried to please me orally, and still have fingers and toes left. To make matters worse, less than half of those attempts were good enough to achieve orgasm. My wife was unskilled, close minded and selfish - the antithesis of a perfect trifecta if there ever was one.

Regardless of how good or bad our relationship was, she always said that I was the best lover she's ever had and there isn't even a close second.

I fell in love with her, not the sex, but unfortunately the sex never got any better for me and the relationship slowly deteriorated. I still love her, but I haven't been in love with her for years. Aren't I a complete fool?

So it's over, JonDoe? I've read allusions to dating other people and things being over, but you haven't given us an update in a while. If you have, I've missed it.