[Stillness]

still a lot of men seem to be under the impression I'm available to them

I don't understand how. Did you have this issue before?

[bubba29]

have you read up on "persistent arousal disorder"? i suggest you do.

[up-late]

have you read up on "persistent arousal disorder"? i suggest you do.

I did come across something like that when I was googling, I'm not sure it describes exactly what's been going on but it's probably the closest description compared to what else came up in the search, I didn't look into it because the articles talk about stigma in the medical community and not a lot can be done so it seems like I'd be chasing something down only to hear "we can't help you" and I just went through all that. I only got diagnosed this year with ankylosing spondylitis and all they could say was keep doing what I've been doing and when it gets really bad we'll put you on an experimental drug that already has a nasty list of possible complications. It does cause radiating pain into my pelvis and the nerves in the saddle area are at risk for complications (numbness though, not hyper-arousal, the area is constantly engorged). Prior to this starting I had a hysterectomy where I was laid up, no exercise for 6 weeks, which set me back, as it is my legs are shakey, I have good muscle strength so my money is on nerve involvement.

On my list of things to talk to the doc about is to follow up on the hormone test and asking if someone like an anesthesiologist could help with the back/pelvic pain, to discuss maybe something like a nerve block for the radiating pain, the pain meds I'm on being a stopgap and not meant for long term so it's going to come up eventually. Maybe if something is playing up down that way addressing the AS will help.

The irony of this is even if I was having sex I'm limited with positions so it's not all hey great yay even if I had a partner, with AS there is inflammation and eventually fusion of the sacroiliac joints so certain positions if I try to lay or move around in my hips cramp horribly and if feels like someone sticking knives in my hips, it's bone and nerve pain so there's no missing it.

[a_dub]

I'm a 31 yo guy and I've never had sex with anyone older than me. But I would love to make love to 40+ woman someday.

[Texasred45]

Out of interest how would I even approach this with a partner?.... ...Would a monogamous, emotionally available man even be interested or would he just feel exhausted by it, like I was too demanding?.

First you establish a relationship, and a sexual relationship; then when you're comfortable with discussing very deeply personal things - THEN you bring it up: the right guy will think he's found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! And believe me, there are men with high sex drives out there who would like nothing more than a willing and loving partner. I'm one, and where there's one there are others.
Best wishes to you;
- TR

[Stillness]

Maybe if something is playing up down that way addressing the AS will help.

I can remember having crushes on girls from the time I was a little boy. When I was about 7-8 I became awakened to romantic love by my feelings for a girl in my 3rd grade class. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I still remember the euphoria I felt when it happened. It was the middle of the night and I couldn't sleep. I stood up in the dark in the middle of my bed and my heart was racing. In my little brain I knew what love was. At first it was too much, but I learned to manage. After her, there were other kiddie crushes until I turned 13.

That's when it started for me. It was overwhelming. I wanted women and girls I didn't even like. I was looking at them in ways that I hadn't before. I still had crushes, but I wanted all women. When I finally had sex, it was nonstop. I was breaking all the rules, lying, scheming for more. I was insatiable.

I'm 38. It never stopped. If anything, I want it more. If I have sex once, I want it twice. If I get it twice, I want a third go round. If my wife didn't tire, we'd be doing all the time. That's what's wrong with you. You're horny. Join the club. You're just a late bloomer getting your first rush. It's normal. You'll learn to deal with it. It's just new. Like all new things, it takes time to get used to it.

On the up side, you probably don't have any additional disorders. Also, my wife and I didn't really have any discussions about sexual expectations before we married. There's no way I'd ever make that mistake again if I were dating. That discussion would be one of the most important ones we'd have - right up there with money, the role of friends and family in our marriage, reproduction, and spiritual goals.

[a_dub]

I can remember having crushes on girls from the time I was a little boy. When I was about 7-8 I became awakened to romantic love by my feelings for a girl in my 3rd grade class. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I still remember the euphoria I felt when it happened. It was the middle of the night and I couldn't sleep. I stood up in the dark in the middle of my bed and my heart was racing. In my little brain I knew what love was. At first it was too much, but I learned to manage. After her, there were other kiddie crushes until I turned 13.

That's when it started for me. It was overwhelming. I wanted women and girls I didn't even like. I was looking at them in ways that I hadn't before. I still had crushes, but I wanted all women. When I finally had sex, it was nonstop. I was breaking all the rules, lying, scheming for more. I was insatiable.

I'm 38. It never stopped. If anything, I want it more. If I have sex once, I want it twice. If I get it twice, I want a third go round. If my wife didn't tire, we'd be doing all the time. That's what's wrong with you. You're horny. Join the club. You're just a late bloomer getting your first rush. It's normal. You'll learn to deal with it. It's just new. Like all new things, it takes time to get used to it.

On the up side, you probably don't have any additional disorders. Also, my wife and I didn't really have any discussions about sexual expectations before we married. There's no way I'd ever make that mistake again if I were dating. That discussion would be one of the most important ones we'd have - right up there with money, the role of friends and family in our marriage, reproduction, and spiritual goals.

Stillness do you really want sex right after having it? Good to know I can expect my high drive for a few years more at least.

You say it was a mistake to not discuss sexual issues before marriage...would you still married your wife if you knew then what you know now? What's more important, attractiveness or horniness? In other words, say everything else is equal, would you rather have a hot wife who will only make love twice a week, or a average looking woman who wants sex twice a day?

[up-late]

a_dub, why would you be interested in an older woman? What makes you say that? I don't understand the attraction.

I'm not sure seeing someone is even going to help, the men I've been meeting it would be signing up for physical, emotional and psychological abuse. The men I date appreciate my personality, my ambition and my integrity, that is why they go out with me, they would not care for how this is impeding it, they would in fact have no interest in this or in me they would find it crass and repellant. Sex for me is right at the bottom of my list of priories (both out of what I value personally and practicality) and I don't care how much this is kicking my backside, at the bottom of my list is where it will be staying.

[Stillness]

Stillness do you really want sex right after having it? Good to know I can expect my high drive for a few years more at least.

You say it was a mistake to not discuss sexual issues before marriage...would you still married your wife if you knew then what you know now? What's more important, attractiveness or horniness? In other words, say everything else is equal, would you rather have a hot wife who will only make love twice a week, or a average looking woman who wants sex twice a day?

Yes, I really want sex all the time. I'm not saying that the need is as urgent afterwards as it is before, but I do enjoy getting right back into things.

I was not as calculating in my early 20's as I am approaching 40, so that hypothetical is difficult. Knowing everything, I'd have to say yes. My wife is exceptional and a solid match in nearly every other way that matters.

If I dated again, the woman would be sufficiently attractive for me to live the rest of my life with her. There's a wide range that I'd be satisfied with. It's unlikely that I would marry someone unless she convinced me that our relationship would consist of frequent and passionate sex. So sexual compatibility ranks higher. I don't think I have the same obsession with physical appearance that you do, though.

[Romy]

Yes, I really want sex all the time. I'm not saying that the need is as urgent afterwards as it is before, but I do enjoy getting right back into things.

I was not as calculating in my early 20's as I am approaching 40, so that hypothetical is difficult. Knowing everything, I'd have to say yes. My wife is exceptional and a solid match in nearly every other way that matters.

If I dated again, the woman would be sufficiently attractive for me to live the rest of my life with her. There's a wide range that I'd be satisfied with. It's unlikely that I would marry someone unless she convinced me that our relationship would consist of frequent and passionate sex. So sexual compatibility ranks higher. I don't think I have the same obsession with physical appearance that you do, though.

I too think sexual compatibility is up there with all the other very important things. If you don't match I think it eventually leads to resentment. I feel sorry for some men because I know of women who will have sex as often as the man wants only to finally get a ring on her finger and suddenly she's not so interested in the sex anymore.

I've always had a high sex drive and if I could have it twice a day everyday I would be very happy but that's not being realistic. Now I'm over 40 I can still say that my desire for sex hasn't changed.

As for a younger man being with an older women....well I've never been in that situation but I think a woman in her 40s could teach the man a thing or two and she wouldn't have some of the hang ups/body issues, emotional stuff younger women are going through. Those things tend to not be as bigger problem as you age. You come to accept things and are far more comfortable in your own skin, with your body and expressing your needs and wants.

I actually think I'm a much better sexual partner now then when I was in my early 20s. Life experience makes a big difference.