[atskitty2]

Effy, I really hadn't entertained the notion that the guy could potentially get hurt by ME not wanting more than sex...hhmmm...part of why I chose the younger ones for this, because they seem less interested in having a gf or commitment. I've always had a lot of attention from the younger men, even with the added weight, I'd just never given them a thought, because I know they (generally speaking) are not looking for much more than sex. But now, I'm looking for possibly the same thing they are.
I'm meeting specimen #1 this evening. (totally a joke there)


I don't know if I want them to fall for me SA! No, you wouldn't be wrong in what you sensed. I thought about these things, and many years ago, in my college/wilder times in life, I really wanted to do things like this. I had ample opportunity, but it was just never the right choice for me. Now, it's just returned to my thoughts, being that I'm in need!
I'll look forward to your added comments.

Thank you gentleman. Ladies?

[Something_Awesome]

Whoa... That's funny, I was just thinking where Baboy has been.

I had more to say but I think It's best to wait and see how all this turns out. Specimen #1 (that's good, call them things that will trick your mind into not wanting to be attached to them) is coming up so lets see if you even like the guy.

The only thing to me, and this makes it seem contradictory, is that if you don't find people hot enough to sleep with casually until you get to know them and have fallen for them, then how can you expect to go about sex casually? It sounds like if you get to the point of sex, then you would have already fallen for them.

Kitty, I think some of these guys will fall for you. I am 31, and trust me, guys around my age today are different than guys my age 10 years ago. For whatever reason, the dynamics have changed.

BTW, you can't find guys you can lust over when you're out and about around town, or just when viewing their pics? I never lusted over anyone via photograph or film before, never even had a celebrity I crushed on. But there has to be someone that looks good enough where when you see them you at least think that you could sleep with them? Does not need to be a lustful desire; that'd actually be a little much. You mentioned you feel the same about the attractiveness of men and women in your area. I can't imagine it being that bad.

I can totally see myself getting obsessed with this thread. Keep us updated.

[atskitty2]

Baboy! I'm so excited that you've stepped out of the shadows, and posted here! Truly, it is encouraging, uplifting to see you back. And not to sound presumptuous myself, but I'm honored that it was my post that inspired you to do so....sort of...oh, wait... You must have posted while I was typing my previous response, so I missed you.

Leopard changing spots. It's interesting you say that because that's exactly what I thought of earlier today. I am actually pretty happy with the kind of person I am, how I conduct my life. Why am I thinking of making such a dramatic change, albeit temporary? I think you're right, and I appreciate the candid feedback.
It sparked me to recall why I never slept with men early. It's because I know that I get attached more strongly with that connection. So, when I was younger, I realized that I didn't want to have that attachment to someone that was not going to go the distance with me. I got hurt that way a couple times, and I learned. So, I changed my "protocol".

I think what is happening for me is a big pendulum swing over to the other side, from being so reserved, maybe uptight even at times. Back to the wilder, carefree, free-spirited girl I once was. I think I realized today, that I don't have to let it swing that wide. I need to just loosen up & live a little, again. I can begin moving in the direction of sexual gratification with someone, without having this idea that I'm just filling a void, and looking for a sexual partner. Doesn't have to be a commitment in place either. But if sex happens with a few guys I date on that path to the one I'm meant to be with, then so be it. I don't have to guard against it like I have been.
I DO need to make another post regarding a major concern I have as well...and I'll do that soon, because it's an important piece of the puzzle.

But for now, I'll give the details of tonight's date: It was the classic dinner/movie combo that I typically don't favor. He is a good-looking guy, smart, but very reserved as well. I drove to his city, so I arrived early to the restaurant & decided to have a glass of wine while I waited for him to arrive (about 30 minutes). Probably not a good idea since I'd skipped lunch & have slept about 6 hrs over the last 3 days...but I was fine, probably a little more giggly than usual, which was fine with him. I explained my work/sleep habits. He joined me with 1 beer to help level the playing field

He is a sweetheart. Definite boyfriend material (for someone). No indication he's into the one nighters, or commitment-less sexual encounters at all. Dinner was nice, good conversation, aside from my giggling. At the movie, I allowed things to be closer than I normally would. I could feel him fidgeting, sensed him wondering if he should take my hand or what...(it was freezing in there, so I had draped my coat over myself) He put his hand on my knee finally, as that was probably the safest thing to reach for, from his view point. I took his hand and held it awhile, with both my hands encasing his. He poked a finger out & stroked my leg a little. I moved our hands down my leg, more than halfway down my thigh. I could hear his breathing change, see his response out of the corner of my eye. That was a big step for me. I don't usually kiss on a first date, much less let them feel any heat...but then, I did let him kiss me goodnight, 3 or 4 times. It was nice. It was a big step for me, to let go that way. So, Monday night, success. I would see him again...generally speaking. Depends on where I go in this process. His divorce is not yet final, I learned. Will be in a few weeks. So, he is off-limits to me honestly...for various reasons.

[Baboy]

Definitely it was your post Kitty that smoked me out of the shadows. And I am honored by your gracious response.

I am happy for you that tonight you had an enjoyable evening, without having to do much apart from enjoying the moment, regardless of whether there can be any future with the fellow. You have experienced too little of being able to simply enjoy the moment as of late, from all I have gleaned from your recent posts.

[effy2014]

Well, fetch me the fatted calf . . . or pig might be more appropriate . . . the prodigal son has returned. Welcome back BB. You have been missed.

Back to the topic at hand. Kitty, seems like a good date. I am glad you felt less uptight and let things happen. This will give you more confidence with the next man in line . . . .

[atskitty2]

Next in line, is the 29 year old that I mentioned earlier. In our continued messaging, I'm feeling he's maybe over the nerdy factor that even I enjoy. He seems to have no finger on the pulse of culture in our area at all, just books & math, so I think there's little attraction brewing for me.
But, Thursday is very encouraging. He's a 30 yr old that hasn't been in our area very long, so there are couple trendy places he'd like me to escort him to for dinner & drinks. I'm looking forward to meeting him, as he's smart & has a nerdy side, but seems edgy & fun too. I like him already.

After that, I have what's behind door #3, and he's keeping himself rather mysterious...he's very good-looking & athletic it would seem, and I'm playing it a little more cool with him. I'm not completely sure yet if I'll go through with the date, as I'm still determining if his withdrawn personality is truly dangerous or if he's just holding back a little until we meet. Nothing really worrisome has been said, he's just less forthcoming with details.

So, I wanted to clarify something. I'm being casual & lighthearted, trying to interject some humor, referring to these men as less than people. I really am not approaching this so flippantly.

[atskitty2]

So, tonight's meeting started off badly. There are 2 Starbucks within a short distance, and we'd not clarified exactly at which one we were meeting, as one is very new & neither of us realized the other one was there. We had a good laugh about it. And away we went.

He was a nervous wreck. He is probably the most well-educated, highly intelligent man I've gone out with, aside from the former bf. I'm puzzled as to why he doesn't have lots of girls his age interested, but he's had 1 gf his whole life & dated very little outside that relationship. He handled himself well. Very poised for a young man. He is a sweetheart too, very charming & kind-natured, and I began to see a sense of humor peeking through at the end.

Again, not a guy I'd expect to have a lot of casual sexual encounters. And, not a guy I found a lot in common with. He's completely into being a nerd, and everything nerdy. He reads mathematical journals & theories at home, in his "spare time". He's got few acquaintances outside work and his family is all far from here. He simply studies, all the time, and works on his research, and then reads some more.
He has a great personality tho, for a guy who is such a recluse.
Anyway, I won't bore you with the details. I haven't decided yet if I'll see him again. He's attractive-he's really good looking actually and a strong mind is appealing, although I think I'd bore him intellectually,
I think he could be fun, and I'll be honest, the innocence of his attitude was very sweet & there was a part of me that just wanted to ruin him.

All this feels very much like I'm trivializing a man's feelings (and maybe my own?)...as we discussed earlier (effy). I think this younger man could be very hurt, as I could see in his eyes that he was captivated with me. I wouldn't want to take advantage of that & hurt him in any way. I'm already feeling like my experiment is failing. The younger men so far, are really not at all as I'd expected them to be, as SA suggested earlier. Generally, I am liking them better tho.
This particular guy may be unopposed to some fun along the way, but I think he really has interest in a relationship. Given his ambition & goal-drive, I'm not sure he would see the purpose of such "bother".

So...I'm learning quickly.
Another meeting tomorrow night, and again Friday & Saturday so far...

[jns]

The nerds of the world better watch out for kitty!

[beethovengenius]

Kitty, I'm 28 years old. The best sex I've ever had was with women older than myself. As a guy in his twenties there is something exciting and even thrilling sleeping with an attractive older woman, so I am sure you will be able to get some toyboy to satisfy you're needs ; )

Go for it kitty.

[beethovengenius]

Chandlers, I agree with you. However if kitty sets the ground rules early on, e.g. just a fling type of thing, things should go very nicely indeed.