[Something_Awesome]

Chandlers, I agree with you. However if kitty sets the ground rules early on, e.g. just a fling type of thing, things should go very nicely indeed.

Yeah, but make the guy really freakin' earn it! There is a guy that I knew that dated older women that thought that older woman should feel "blessed" to be with a younger guy. I say if Kitty gets any such vibe that she should just smash the guy's ego (and then tell us about it) as opposed to just tenderly cutting him off (probably won't happen though because Kitty knows how to screen them).

Definitely another fun topic.

[beethovengenius]

Well, yes if the ground rules are set in place with the "young dude" then everything should take care of itself. And then for Kitty it's just a matter of enjoying the ride ; )

[beethovengenius]

A self respecting but open woman is actually a big turn on for me. I'm sure it is for a lot of other guys too. I think Kitty is taking the correct approach here of experimenting with younger guys. Just enjoy the ride Kitty I say.

[atskitty2]

beethoven, I'm curious why some of the best sex you've ever had was with an older woman? Was it just the sort of taboo nature of it all, or what? Was she less inhibited or more vocal? Was it just the fact that they're generally more experienced? I'm curious-I say these as suggestions, please tell me what other reasons there may have been. It truly fascinates me when younger men say that (younger men friends/family).

And just for clarification, I'm experimenting with my sexuality, not with younger men. It happens that I'm meeting a few younger men, opening my mind to that. I have a date with a guy just 3 years younger tonight, and a lunch date tomorrow with someone a year older. But, my dinner date tomorrow is barely 30...
I am finding the notion I had about the younger men being more interested in just sex, was wrong. It is a small sampling this week, but it's not my experience at all so far. Of course, first impressions could be misleading, but my instincts are usually accurate on those things.

You all can trust & believe that I'll be dignified in any course I take, or intercourse. Haha!
I'm not intending to meet someone, and bring them home to bed after a first meeting. For lack of a better term, I'm interviewing. I'm seeing what options are available, and opening up to the idea that I don't have to be closed to all physical contact on the first meeting or 2.
That alone is a big step for me. I can push the envelope tho. If I chose to & I felt right about it, I would allow things to advance.

SA's point about making him work for it. I've never given it up easily. I can't imagine that will change, but yes, SA, unless I've truly decided to indulge in a one-nighter (not likely), there will be a sense of "reward", otherwise he just wouldn't get there. I'm not into making anyone beg, but yes, he certainly would need to value me & not take for granted what we were to share.

Ok. It seems no matter how descript I try to be, my posts come off shallow, disrespectful to me & the men I refer to.

Another factor is playing into my decision, and it's by no means a minor factor. If you refer back to some of my early posts here, I've revealed it. It's giving me pause to pull the trigger on any spur of the moment trist I would want. It comes down to a moral decision for me, but not in the way you'd suspect.
Even tho I'm symptom free, I do have the diagnosis of genital herpes in my history, so I could potentially spread it. In the past, I've revealed that to 2 men (including most recent BF) who chose to continue down the path to a sexual relationship.
So, my conscience up to now, has reserved sexual activity to those whom I felt comfortable enough with to share that, & give them opportunity to choose not to take that risk.

So, I'm not sure I'm ready to face my own demons if I am not forthcoming with a new guy I may choose to sleep with, with no intention of a future together. I wouldn't feel right about that. I think my dilemma is obvious, I need not explain further. I've discussed with my own doc, and I know my own thoughts.
What do you all think? Ethically & all those ways?

[Something_Awesome]

beethoven, I'm curious why some of the best sex you've ever had was with an older woman? Was it just the sort of taboo nature of it all, or what? Was she less inhibited or more vocal? Was it just the fact that they're generally more experienced? I'm curious-I say these as suggestions, please tell me what other reasons there may have been. It truly fascinates me when younger men say that (younger men friends/family).

In my rough day post, I mentioned I had a backlog of posts I wanted to start. One of them may touch on this subject, so I guess I will post that one next. I don't necessarily think that the older woman is "better" in bed. I think one part of it is that some guys are just more physically attracted to older women (like some younger women love the "silver fox"). The other part might be... well... maybe I'll save it for my next topic (it's sort of a little story that I think will help illustrate the point better).

You all can trust & believe that I'll be dignified in any course I take, or intercourse. Haha!

Good one

Ok. It seems no matter how descript I try to be, my posts come off shallow, disrespectful to me & the men I refer to.

Nobody thinks you're being shallow. Hello?! You're "Could it be?" topic? The guy had the sensuality of a woodpecker and you tried powering through it. Nobody is offended either.

Another factor is playing into my decision, and it's by no means a minor factor. If you refer back to some of my early posts here, I've revealed it. It's giving me pause to pull the trigger on any spur of the moment trist I would want. It comes down to a moral decision for me, but not in the way you'd suspect.
Even tho I'm symptom free, I do have the diagnosis of genital herpes in my history, so I could potentially spread it. In the past, I've revealed that to 2 men (including most recent BF) who chose to continue down the path to a sexual relationship.
So, my conscience up to now, has reserved sexual activity to those whom I felt comfortable enough with to share that, & give them opportunity to choose not to take that risk.

So, I'm not sure I'm ready to face my own demons if I am not forthcoming with a new guy I may choose to sleep with, with no intention of a future together. I wouldn't feel right about that. I think my dilemma is obvious, I need not explain further. I've discussed with my own doc, and I know my own thoughts.
What do you all think? Ethically & all those ways?

Personally, if my GF had what you had I would not have any hang ups about it because I would be with her long term. This bit of info complicates your "new path" though because it just adds another item to the checklist so to speak (the guy being OK with your diagnosis). I think you should continue on the "new path" though and just be honest about about the herpes thing. Personally, I'd be more worried about the guy giving you STD's than anything else. Some can be passed through simple contact of one genital area with another (does not matter if a condom is used). So I say, do worry about the other party, but also don't forget to worry about yourself.

EDIT: Almost forgot to acknowledge CW's use of the word "dude." I wonder how it sounds in an Aussie accent?

[atskitty2]

Well, that's just it SA, er...SD (Sheepdog). This is a private matter, and it isn't something that I want to tell someone I don't know well, and don't know that I have a future with.
I wouldn't share this info with someone on a 3rd meeting, but yes, I struggle with not giving out that piece of info, and allowing them the choice to expose themselves to it.

Yes, of course I consider that I'm exposing myself. But I would hope an individual would be honest & forthcoming, as I am & share if they knew they had something, just as I would. But, I also think there's a certain amount of risk we assume when sleeping with someone we don't know well.

I just struggle with that. I discussed it with my own medical professional, including the ethical obligations I have.

[Something_Awesome]

Kitty, what happened with the "mysterious" guy? In one of your posts you mention he is behind door #3, except in that same post it sounds like you have already opened three doors (at least the way I interpreted it). In my mind Mr Mysterious sounds like he should be door #4?

Anyway... What happened with Mr Mysterious? I've been checking the forum for some "cheese" on that guy and have been leaving disappointed each time LOL. I did not want to bug you about it but... We just gotta' know!

He may not be revealing much about himself because he thinks he is the "you know what." Could also be that he is just not good at expressing/selling himself using typed words (so he is avoiding it). I would crash and burn trying to sell myself through emails/private messages.

Looking forward to your next update though.

[atskitty2]

Yes, CW, the stats are actually a little higher than that here, supposedly, but most don't know they have it, because they never display symptoms. Condoms don't necessarily prevent the spread of it either. I've had 2 outbreaks ever.
This is my whole thought process - I don't want to share this personal info with someone I just met & may want to have sex with. But ethically I think I should. Is that the guilt of which you speak? Should I not feel guilty for having sex & not sharing that?
I have never felt guilty for having the virus. I was never one to sleep around, and I have no idea how I got it. I could probably contact each of the few men I've bedded & ask them to be tested, but, it was years past that, when I was diagnosed. I was married when diagnosed, & maybe even my husband passed it to me, who knows.
Anyway, just curious if everyone thinks it's imperative to discuss prior to a sexual encounter or not.

So an update:
SA, I'm so sad to have to disappoint you...but my mysterious man remains a mystery. He ditched! I had a hunch that was going to end that way...
I think my door numbers seemed misaligned because I only put the men I'd not met yet behind door numbers. The one I had met previously, so he wasn't still having that "unknown".
I friend-zoned the guy I liked the most, because his divorce isn't final. I talked to him about that, didn't like his answer, so I put him in the zone & haven't heard from him since.

Yesterday's lunch date also yielded no potential. I saw him walking toward the door, knew there'd be no attraction & wanted to slip out another door...but I stayed.

I've lost track a little of the men I've met over this past week or so. I guess the best way to update is just to say that the only one I'm still talking to, is the young, Asian geek. We have another meeting scheduled for Weds.

I've decided to contact an old friend of mine too, if I can track him down. There was always a latent fascination or attraction between us, but I don't know for sure what his current situation is. Wish me luck!

[atskitty2]

So, an update: last night's date was postponed Til Friday, due to weather. After a while, he sent me a text saying how disappointed he was not to see me...that he'd not been this disappointed since he received his rejection letter from Harvard. Oh, dear...and it sort of hit me, and I had that sinking feeling...He continued on, to share some more info about himself that was quite personal...and very sweet & vulnerable.
First, I realized that I'm just not the person to do this to someone. I know in my heart it isn't going anywhere "real" and he really seems to be interested in my potential as a gf, not just sexually. So, maybe I've mislead him, or maybe he's lead himself to this place, I'm not sure. But, I have to be honest completely before he gets hurt.

Having a purely sexual relationship is still on the table, but I think it isn't going to be nearly as easy as I'd thought. I think there are some special circumstances that must arise in order for that to evolve into an acceptable option for me. I cannot, in good conscience, withhold my viral status from anyone I sleep with. That's been decided.

I toned down the dating this week. Just needed to work that issue out a little better.

[Something_Awesome]

The gals do a lot more heartbreaking these days than the guys do. It's not going to get easier.