[jns]

The pleasure in penetrative sex is in the mind, the emotional connection with your partner .... not a physical feeling.

I think for some it is a physical feeling and for others it is an emotional connection.

[Maisie Dayz]

Does anyone have a suggestion about how to "reset" my mind set so that I could possibly experience pleasure the next time my boyfriend and I make love?

I have been telling myself that I am broken since I had my first sexual experience at age 16 so I am wondering if that's why I have not experienced pleasure during sex in the past 13 years... maybe it's because I know it won't feel like anything. Any advice is appreciated.

It sounds like your not allowing yourself to enjoy the experience as you've not let go of your 1st time expectations. Perhaps you should talk to your b/f and perhaps next time you 'get it on', take things slowly and tell him what you'd like him to do. You may never get any physical feeling from penetration but you should emotional connect enabling you to enjoy the experience more

[Iamjinxtx100]

I think for some it is a physical feeling and for others it is an emotional connection.

I wish I was one of the lucky ones to experience a physical pleasure from it. It's really hard to enjoy awkwardly bouncing around on top of someone. Lol. Thanks for the input though.

[mbx1200]

Hi-
So here is the short description my post:

I am female, I feel no pleasure during penetration, regardless if I am attempting to masturbate or if I am having sex with my boyfriend. It has always been this way for me and it's kind of wrecking havic on my relationship because I am 29 now and it's so hard to force myself through sex because it is boring with no feeling.

To be clear, sex is NOT painful. it just doesn't feel like anything. just sort of like pressure in there and sometimes I can't even tell he's im there. side note: He is not "small"...I have this same issue with masturbation as well. it doesn't feel like anything.

It's very disappointing to have the passion on high with your guy and want it so badly and then not feeling anything as soon as you get started. I have read posts like this before and I have seen several people chime in saying that it is normal for a woman to not feel anything. That doesn't make sense to me because every woman in my life who I have asked claims the exact opposite saying that it feels amazing to them...

Help...

What you are experiencing happens to a lot of women. It is true that it is very difficult for a women to orgasm just from penal penetration, especially if a smaller penis is involved.

The most sensitive area of the vagina is the clitoris. That's because there are approximately 8,000 nerves on it. The first 1/3 of the vaginal canal ( the roof of the vaginal canal) has almost as many nerves. The nerves start to diminish inwards, with the most sensitive area being your g-spot, located right behind the pelvic bone. The G-Spot is easier to find once you have been aroused through foreplay. Although most women do feel pleasure from having the G-spot aroused, not all women do. I recommend you have your boyfriend arouse you prior to touching your g-spot, You are going to have to ask your boyfriend to perform oral sex on you. Insist on it if he refuses. If he still refuses, change boyfriend.

It is a known fact that most women don't get it as rough and hard as they want it from their partners. Oral sex will involve him stimulating your clit with his tongue, and your g-spot and vaginal canal with his fingers, applying pressure upwards, and gradually increasing speed and pressure to your liking. A lot of women also enjoy some sort of anal penetration, all at the same time. With the right tongue action, speed and pressure inside your vagina, you'll cum all over the place. It sounds like you just need to be rocked! Start informing yourself and your boyfriend.

You should see a doctor, maybe a sex therapist, if you can find one. You should not have to go through this. There is also plenty of information on the internet and in books.

It is common at your age, to NOT have experienced good sex. Again, this is the case with a lot of women. I once had a girlfriend, that told me, she never experienced the pleasure that I gave her through oral sex. I would perform on her for over an hour sometimes, making her gush at least 3 or 4 times. I couldn't keep up with buying KY Jelly. She was 31 years old, and had many partners before me. I gave it to her almost everyday because that is what she wanted. I had other partners that also absolutely loved oral, and once they get it, they want it all the time, and you will too.

Below is a link you may find helpful to be able to learn more about your sensitive spot, and how to find and stimulate it. I think with the right knowledge and practice, you will have awesome sex.

[Maisie Dayz]

If my man INSISTED I gave him oral sex & I didn't particularly want to, I'd tell him where to go! You cannot force someone to perform a sexual act they have no desire to do.

[mbx1200]

If my man INSISTED I gave him oral sex & I didn't particularly want to, I'd tell him where to go! You cannot force someone to perform a sexual act they have no desire to do.

Not the same thing at all. In fact, not even close. This is not about oral or not, it's about pleasure, and fulfillment.


The reality is that women don't have the mechanisms in place to orgasm as quickly and as easily as men do. It is much more difficult for a women, and often, oral is required for them to do so. As the OP states, If he can't get it done with his Penis, and he loves her, he should dive.

I myself, being a man, would not insist that my gf perform oral on me, but I would for her regardless.

[Iamjinxtx100]

What you are experiencing happens to a lot of women. It is true that it is very difficult for a women to orgasm just from penal penetration, especially if a smaller penis is involved.

The most sensitive area of the vagina is the clitoris. That's because there are approximately 8,000 nerves on it. The first 1/3 of the vaginal canal ( the roof of the vaginal canal) has almost as many nerves. The nerves start to diminish inwards, with the most sensitive area being your g-spot, located right behind the pelvic bone. The G-Spot is easier to find once you have been aroused through foreplay. Although most women do feel pleasure from having the G-spot aroused, not all women do. I recommend you have your boyfriend arouse you prior to touching your g-spot, You are going to have to ask your boyfriend to perform oral sex on you. Insist on it if he refuses. If he still refuses, change boyfriend.

It is a known fact that most women don't get it as rough and hard as they want it from their partners. Oral sex will involve him stimulating your clit with his tongue, and your g-spot and vaginal canal with his fingers, applying pressure upwards, and gradually increasing speed and pressure to your liking. A lot of women also enjoy some sort of anal penetration, all at the same time. With the right tongue action, speed and pressure inside your vagina, you'll cum all over the place. It sounds like you just need to be rocked! Start informing yourself and your boyfriend.

You should see a doctor, maybe a sex therapist, if you can find one. You should not have to go through this. There is also plenty of information on the internet and in books.

It is common at your age, to NOT have experienced good sex. Again, this is the case with a lot of women. I once had a girlfriend, that told me, she never experienced the pleasure that I gave her through oral sex. I would perform on her for over an hour sometimes, making her gush at least 3 or 4 times. I couldn't keep up with buying KY Jelly. She was 31 years old, and had many partners before me. I gave it to her almost everyday because that is what she wanted. I had other partners that also absolutely loved oral, and once they get it, they want it all the time, and you will too.

Below is a link you may find helpful to be able to learn more about your sensitive spot, and how to find and stimulate it. I think with the right knowledge and practice, you will have awesome sex.

Well, we have been together for 3.5 years so I am not going to just get a new boyfriend. lol. I had 5 other sexual partners prior to this relationship and I had the same experience with all of them. My gynocologist said something is off, because she said as long as I am aroused I should feel pleasure during penetration. Maybe not an orgasm, but pleasure at the very least. I do give myself as much clitoral stimulation as possible prior to attempting sex or clitorial masturbation but the arousal always goes away once the penetration begins. I have been searching for G Spot since my early 20s and I have yet to find it. My boyfriend is unfortunately not a fan of giving oral. He did it a couple times when we first started dating but he hates it so much that it makes him terrible at it so I don't even ask. I was spoiled with oral sex in my last relationship but I ended up just wanting that instead of penetration since penetration doesn't feel like anything to me so we ended up spending 5 years together only performing oral sex on each other. lol. What a 5 years that was. I am just trying to find some way to keep me from resenting sex and ruining this relationship. This one is something special.

[mbx1200]

Well, we have been together for 3.5 years so I am not going to just get a new boyfriend. lol. I had 5 other sexual partners prior to this relationship and I had the same experience with all of them. My gynocologist said something is off, because she said as long as I am aroused I should feel pleasure during penetration. Maybe not an orgasm, but pleasure at the very least. I do give myself as much clitoral stimulation as possible prior to attempting sex or clitorial masturbation but the arousal always goes away once the penetration begins. I have been searching for G Spot since my early 20s and I have yet to find it. My boyfriend is unfortunately not a fan of giving oral. He did it a couple times when we first started dating but he hates it so much that it makes him terrible at it so I don't even ask. I was spoiled with oral sex in my last relationship but I ended up just wanting that instead of penetration since penetration doesn't feel like anything to me so we ended up spending 5 years together only performing oral sex on each other. lol. What a 5 years that was. I am just trying to find some way to keep me from resenting sex and ruining this relationship. This one is something special.

I still don't believe your situation is that unusual for a woman. My first gf, the one who taught me how to perform on her, did not feel much from penetration either. She jokingly used to say, 'I don't care if you don't penetrate me ever again, as long as you perform oral on me'. We still had penetrative sex of course, because of the intimacy that it brings.

My second gf was almost the same way. She preferred oral to penetrative sex any day of the week as well. I am NOT hung like a horse, but, no girl has ever called mine 'wee willie winkie' either! Or have I ever been told, 'no thank-you, i don't smoke'. I am averaged sized.

Unless the guy is Mandingo sized or Ron Jeremy, then special penetrative techniques can be used to touch a woman in the right areas of her vaginal canal, along with clitoral stimulation. Even then, most women will tell you, that, they prefer oral, because it brings them to a point that penetrative sex usually can't. I wish you well, and good luck in your quest.

[WaveRider]

If my man INSISTED I gave him oral sex & I didn't particularly want to, I'd tell him where to go! You cannot force someone to perform a sexual act they have no desire to do.

Sex shouldn't be insisted. Maybe requested. Not insisted.

My g/f LOVES to give head, but she doesn't love to give head all of the time.

[WaveRider]

99.9% of the time, during sex, my g/f wants penetration. She loves it. And she doesn't want it tenderly. She wants to be banged like a screen door in a hurricane. She'll moan loudest sighs of ecstasy during oral sex organs. Octaves will descend slightly during penetration.

I can't remember a woman who didn't want to be penetrated.