[miffed23]

**** i missed that. Hystorm....shame on you if you did. A woman embracing herself with all her glory, is not and never will be a ****.

[Uneeklyme]

If she feels like I did, I didn't feel like we cheated. I did not love him..

Are you saying then that if we do not love the person we have sex with outside of our relationship it is not cheating? I personally believe it is cheating with or without love if our partner is not aware of it or has either agreed with it happening and at the very least has been given the choice of how they deal with it.

Her sin was not as bad as mine but what happened, happened and telling your lover would not help the guilt complex. Nor would I do this after all these years. It is something that we have done that we must live with for why tell our secret to unburden our guilt and make another person feel bad.

Humans are funny creatures with the guilt. I wouldnt tell my lover after 20 years that I cheated on him before we married. Whats the point after 20 years. It does seem like a big lie to start out with though. Sure, your partner would be hurt and sad and angry and (insert emotion) but again, at least they would have the choice of how they deal with it. Especially if you plan to enter into a contract(marriage) which clearly states...foresaking all others. Now, if it never happens again then good on you but this woman had a relationship with another person wether she loved him or not. Her words read fling not one night stand. I understand that she does not want to continue with this fling and should make him well aware of that but lets not forget that it is not just about her. The flingee has attempted to continue the fling. Are his feelings and emotions not important enough to take into consideration. What if he contacts the boyfriend to get back at her for dumping him? At the same time, I am not telling her in no uncertian terms that she should tell her partner that she cheated. I am still of the opinion that for some people it is more a fear of losing status quo than feeling what they did was bad or wrong. What about that stops them from doing it again if they have got away with it before?

Look i see that she is not married. Marriage to me is different. We all make silly mistakes to try to ascertain what we are trying to find in life. So, that's okay. I can live with trying to forget that.
So, i do agree in my own little way there.... "she is not married"...

Weird but in a round about way I agree as well. She is in a 3 year relationship though. Not being married but living as if you are and commited as if you are... its still on the same level. Now, if she were just in a dating relationship I say more power to her.

Think like that and you'll grow an old maid as each man finds out........

Are you addressing the original poster with this or me specifically? If its the latter I have to say I would never put myself in this situation. I believe there is no reason to cheat. I understand that human nature dictates attractions outside of relationship/marriage. Its what we do with this attraction. I believe that if I am attracted enough to another to step outside the boundaries of my relationship then I should not be in a relationship. I choose to be in a relationship where attraction for others is accepted. I feel that we can love more than one person at a time. I am up front with my partners about this from the get go. It is just part of who I am. I give them the choice to either accept it and stay or not. I make no guarantees going into a relationship that I will not have an attraction for others or foresake all others and afford my partners the same. This is not to say that I do not respect my partners and their wishes but I give them the choice. I also do not get involved with anyone without letting them know up front I have a relationship and my partner will know about them hence, giving my "fling" the choice to continue or not. Sometimes hurt feeling yes but everyone knows the score and take the risk with informed consent and full knowledge. They choose to take the risks.

It's happens to all of us! I truely believe you do love him...but those dang tingles just seem to disappear...I know what you mean...stinks doesn't it! I've been with my DH for almost 13 years so those "butterflies" don't really seem to show up too often anymore
Don't feel bad...really, you aren't alone and it doesn't mean you love your boyfriend any less!

I agree. Our sex lives wax and wane. Cheating is not a fix. There are other ways to get the juices flowing. There have been some great suggestions here.
Love should never be judged on how good or bad the sex is IMO. I do not question the original posters love for her boyfriend just have some opinions on her actions. What she does is her business but she is here looking for opinions and advice.

As wise as you think you are now my dear, you will still be more wise. You will learn more about your sexual self as you age. That is only if you let yourself go and realize that there is more about life to learn and more woman inside you that you have not yet let loose....Either that or I have been traveling at some warp speed in the last three years and have found a special place in outer space....But I doubt this...I believe I am all women that has developed a knowledge of what we can all be

Off topic but I just dont understand this power struggle of the ages. I know older women that are post dumb about their sexuality and young people that are so in tune with themselves I take lessons away from talking with them.

I not only know cheating but I know of how another woman tried to take my husband. I do not encourage adultery but I accept my learnings on life and still I look back at that young woman who I was and smile at the st*pidity I showed in giving myself to him....

Again, off topic but it always boggles my mind when the cheated on or almost cheated on blame the other person their partner was messing with. More often than not, the other person doesnt even know they are getting with someone who is already "taken" and if they do, they believe what they are told... IE: we havent had sex forever, we are not in love anymore, we are divorcing but live together for financial reasons (insert excuse here) or, what investment do they have in your relationship so why should they mind if your partner is cheating, its not hurting them. This last type is just mean but still not their fault. It's my understanding that you didnt know anything about your husband playing it down to the wire until much later when you asked him if he had ever cheated on you? I sincerely appologize if I read that wrong. Great that he didn't but almost... and he participated willingly. We can only steal whats left out there for us to take.

Now to tell you the truth I am going to close this particular post and have no idea of what the original subject was....Ah, getting wet....

Yes, sadly, a hijacked post. I do see where she is getting advice on her actual question though. I think if we are giving opinions and advice we should at least read the entire thread before chiming in. Personal experience... not knowing what the whole thread is can lead to assumptions of meaning.

OK, I'll say what others are only thinking.....
****!
There, that was for all the guys on this forum...

WOW, Harsh, uncalled for and not at all near what I was thinking. I am assuming you are talking about the original poster here? Either way, none of posters in this thread deserve that or even come across anything close to ****. I personally dont appreciate you thinking for me. I have some strong opinions. Sometimes they come across as judgemental but it is not my intention. If there is a question in my meaning I would rather be asked to define what I am trying to say. Your entitled to your opinion but try to articulate like an adult and not like a shouted high school statement out of the bus window.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Uneeklyme
Weird but in a round about way I agree as well. She is in a 3 year relationship though. Not being married but living as if you are and commited as if you are... its still on the same level. Now, if she were just in a dating relationship I say more power to her.

Yes, after 2 pages, you lose the "three year bit - committed", so fair call, personally, if i have ever felt this is just not working, and then felt a lust for someone else, i have left that relationship first before doing... I guess, i also understand that "things happen", perhaps i am saying i am glad that she was not married... and .... to recognise that it was wrong nevertheless.

Uneeklyme
Are you addressing the original poster with this or me specifically? If its the latter I have to say I would never put myself in this situation.

No i was agreeing with you... If "she" thinks like that, each guy will walk, she won't learn and grow old and alone.... Gee, have a go at you? Your too good at replying, lol....

Originally Posted by Hystorm OK, I'll say what others are only thinking..... ****! There, that was for all the guys on this forum...

Did you just call me a ****??????


Hystorm, always loved your values but the definition of a "****" if there is one, is someone whom sleeps around constantly, not "an error" firstly, and secondly, what gives you the right to call anyone a ****? Really? Speaking for all of the men? Are you? Or speaking from yourself?

Not nice, thoughts should be kept to themselves i believe, what ever they are.

As for whom you are referring to, is also irrelevant, no one deserves to be blatently called such names unless your in pre-school, then it can be forgiven as you know no better?????

CW

[FionaDiaz]

Your burnt - at the stake - ok!!! Geepers, your husband told you right? lol.
CW

Actually, no my husband didn't tell me... I found out because he wasn't very smart about it (he talked ot his mistress on the phone in front of me). He also told his bestfriend, who in turn told his wife, who in turn told me! ...And I left him.

My story is long and complicated... and with every ounce of my body I wish I never knew! I lost a pregnancy because of the stress.

If she decides never to cheat again, then I think she should stay and say nothing... if she might cheat again, or cannot get over the guilt... then she should leave him.

Easy as that!

[FionaDiaz]

OK, I'll say what others are only thinking.....

****!

There, that was for all the guys on this forum...

Why is it that when a woman "sleeps around" she is a ****, yet when a man does it he is "the man"??

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Actually, no my husband didn't tell me... I found out because he wasn't very smart about it (he talked ot his mistress on the phone in front of me). He also told his bestfriend, who in turn told his wife, who in turn told me! ...And I left him.

My story is long and complicated... and with every ounce of my body I wish I never knew! I lost a pregnancy because of the stress.

If she decides never to cheat again, then I think she should stay and say nothing... if she might cheat again, or cannot get over the guilt... then she should leave him.

Easy as that!

Gee, that's tough, finding out through another party, for what ever reason i thought he came clean... Sorry xxx

I commend you for leaving and working through it, truly.... expecially where emotions would have been very hard, almost impossible for you to have handled at that time.

Sure, i don't disagree with the last paragraph....

I wasn't having a go either by the way, it seems everyone is feeling a tad that way at the moment where comments may be meant differently than intended. Burnt at the post made me laugh, so i commented...

Trusting i did not offend...

CW

[FionaDiaz]

Gee, that's tough, finding out through another party, for what ever reason i thought he came clean... Sorry xxx

I commend you for leaving and working through it, truly.... expecially where emotions would have been very hard, almost impossible for you to have handled at that time.

Sure, i don't disagree with the last paragraph....

I wasn't having a go either by the way, it seems everyone is feeling a tad that way at the moment where comments may be meant differently than intended. Burnt at the post made me laugh, so i commented...

Trusting i did not offend...

CW

Oh sweetie... when I was 15 I weighed 230+ pounds and I'm only 5feet tall....... after surviving that... NOTHING can offend me!!

And I knew you were just kidding about being burnt at the post thing.. the sarcasm was obvious!

--FD

[CHANDLERS WISH]

off the topic, so leaving at that...

But what i'd love to know is where on earth you got that "perfect" sense of humor from?

Lol..

CW

[FionaDiaz]

off the topic, so leaving at that...

But what i'd love to know is where on earth you got that "perfect" sense of humor from?

Lol..

CW

Oh... didn't you know? Everything about me is perfect...

I'm the perfect woman....

and perfectly humble!

lol If you knew my Dad you'd completely understand were my humor comes from...

Considering where this topic is going (the **** comments and whatnot) it's better to change the topic a bit, no??

[Uneeklyme]

Gee, that's tough, finding out through another party, for what ever reason i thought he came clean... Sorry xxx

I commend you for leaving and working through it, truly.... expecially where emotions would have been very hard, almost impossible for you to have handled at that time.

Sure, i don't disagree with the last paragraph....

I wasn't having a go either by the way, it seems everyone is feeling a tad that way at the moment where comments may be meant differently than intended. Burnt at the post made me laugh, so i commented...

Trusting i did not offend...

CW

Sorry if you felt I was offended. Honestly just asking you to clarify. re: earlier post. Hope you would do the same for me if you question what I mean. Im a pretty straight shooter but try to use tact...unlike some people... **wave, cough...hi hy**