[SorridLives]

Thank you everyone for your advice. He told me that he never really had the apportunity to sleep with alot of girls before he meet me, and he always wanted to be faithful, hes only 24 so he sees himself as still young and wants to have fun. I wish he would of told me this before we got married. I ask him if its the sex with me if we can do anything to change that and he says it has nothing to do with me he just wants to explore. Now im here so inlove with my husband and he wants to do this. I know i'm a good person and dont deserve this, but thats life and i think i have to be a very strong women and leave in good terms, i dont want to always think in the back of my head that if he ever hangs out with a friend or stays late at work, if its true or not. I believe in our vows, he must not.

I am not sure why this did not dawn on him before he was married to you. Is he trying to get you to say he can do while in the marriage without your leaving him? He may want his cake and to eat it too. If that is the case, I would just say me and me only or the highway....unless you want to share him. It doesn't sound like that is what you want to do. I wouldn't.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I suspect he married you for all the "right" reasons. Love.

But, as the marriage has gone down the track, ever so brief, he has realised that he is still a "batchelor", not ready for that heavy word commitment.

Sometimes, younger men feel like this if they are "caged" or feel like their "mother" lives with them.

What i mean there is, we as women, tend to assume an immediate role. The housewife... The cook....

The laughter goes out, the "love" is in the cleaning and cooking, and buying him a top...

The sexual "honeymoon" stage, is out the door to... He's mine, that's all there is to it, no need.

He may be craving what he had before he married, more so, than craving another woman..

Sex is sex. So? He experiences a few different looks, blonde, brunette, he performs and whala, bored.

If you are your "typical mother scenario", then you need to change that immediately....

You can be a wife, but you have to be a first date, a girlfriend, as well and visa versa.

Perhaps as others have mentioned, this is the key and the root of the problem.... You've already nested and settled and he's still on an adventure.

Not saying that this is the case, but this could be a scenario to look deeply into.

CW

[HappyUpNorth]

Sorta the opposite

My wife and I kinda have been through a similar situation, we have been together since her high school grad (we are 40 & 37 now) and she had never been with another man (or even seen on nude) before me. We had been together probably 10 years when she confided with me that she was curious what another man felt like in her. I always wondered if she was and I had sort of asked her if she felt she missed out in years past and she had always said no (not wanting to make me think she was not totally committed to me). To make a long story short and not getting into the technicalities, we met and became best friends with a wonderful couple in a similar situation and have for the last year have had foursomes with them, with partners swapping. This has been a wonderful experience for our marriage and has brought both of us closer together, our love for one another has grown 10 fold as has our trust of each other. Our sex life with each other is 10 times better than it has ever been. The energy we have when we get together with our friends is awesome and spills over into our marriage, my wife is no longer curious and is more committed than ever. For us (the four of us) this option was so much better than divorce or out of marriage relationships, but this situation would not work for most would be my guess we got lucky and met such a wonderful other couple that we are all best friends and it works.
My wife is so glad she got to experience another, while not damaging actually enhancing our relationship.

[commonsense]

well, this is the first time i do something like this, but i feel like i cant talk to anyone, so here it goes and please comment and give me advice. I have been with my husband for five years and married for a year and a half. He openely admitted that he has craving to be with another girl sexualy. I think i'm taking it really good, and i love him so much that i want us to be friends forever, if we cant be a couple. I dont think he has cheated yet, but i believe he will, I'm a very good wife, i work and go home and cook and i take care of him in whatever way. But here is the thing i dont want to be cheated on,so i want to leave the relationship now before he cheats. I love him so much but hes only human and if he want to be with other girls, so be it, but i'm not going to wait until he cheats to leave. i want to leave him so he can do what he wants and for me to move on and make a life without him. When we were dating we split for a while and i feel if he wanted to do him he should of done it then, not now that were married. Dont get me wrong i would love to be with him for the rest of my life, but i feel like its not going to happen so why not get out now that we dont have any kids. I want to do good for me for once. i'm a faithful women who is good to him, so why should i get jerked? I'm really thinking about leaving him.......

He's trying to tell you in a nice way that he wants to "sleep around".
He probably admitted it to you to see what you would say. Usually when they tell you this they have already developed feelings/lust for someone else. My advice is to "wait it out" and see where it goes. It may pass.
Just tell him since you are married, then you want to be in a committed relationship. That's why you got married. You would like to work on your problems together without bringing in a 3rd party. If he's not up for that,
then you have already lost him.

[soldatka]

I'd set it out for him in terms of HIS choice.

He can choose to go put it about. (be clear what you mean by this - kissing, touching, etc - remember Bill Clinton). However, if he chooses to do this, then he will LOSE YOU. Permanently. Be sure that he completely understands this too.

You can't make this choice for him. If he wanted to sow his wild oats, then the time to do this was before the marriage, and he now needs to make the decision -does he honour his commitment to you, or does he go his own way?

I think you are right to think about your options...if you give such an ultimatum then you need to be sure you can carry it through. Unlike the poster above, who found that swinging provided a compromise, I couldn't be happy knowing my partner was getting his kicks with another. Your husband's balls won't drop off if he doesn't pursue this kind of sexual exploration. He doesn't need it. He wants it, which is different. But he needs to clearly understand that this will hurt you beyond what you will tolerate. He has to make a clear choice. I hope it goes the right way for you, hon.

[Hystorm]

To add to this cheating husbands thread...I CANNOT BELIEVE what Mutt Lange did to his wife, one of the most BEAUTIFUL women on this planet, Shania Twain! He began sleeping with Shania's assistant. The worst part, she it totally butt ugly!!

I sure hope she gives good head or something because giving up someone like Shania for a Swiss Hag...I just don't understand my own kind! ---NO OUTBOUND LINKS ALLOWED!---

As to this threads particulars, I say tell him if he wants out to go sleep around then fine, but there will be NO COMING BACK! once the marriage is final, that’s it...He must understand he cannot leave the marriage, go dip his schlong in anything that walks and once he’s filled his pride box and collected a nice set of STDs, there is NO REMARRYING!

Best of luck to you!

[rcoreyus]

Beauty has nothing to do with it. There are beautiful women I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole (assuming I had one), and assuming I wasn't married that is. At least for me, how physically attractive I find someone isn't that closely related to how beautiful they are. Real ugliness is a turn-off of course - but is also very rare. Otherwise a smile and a nice personality matters most.

To add to this cheating husbands thread...I CANNOT BELIEVE what Mutt Lange did to his wife, one of the most BEAUTIFUL women on this planet, Shania Twain! He began sleeping with Shania's assistant. The worst part, she it totally butt ugly!!

I sure hope she gives good head or something because giving up someone like Shania for a Swiss Hag...I just don't understand my own kind! ---NO OUTBOUND LINKS ALLOWED!---

As to this threads particulars, I say tell him if he wants out to go sleep around then fine, but there will be NO COMING BACK! once the marriage is final, that’s it...He must understand he cannot leave the marriage, go dip his schlong in anything that walks and once he’s filled his pride box and collected a nice set of STDs, there is NO REMARRYING!

Best of luck to you!

[Fallen1]

Beauty has nothing to do with it. There are beautiful women I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole (assuming I had one), and assuming I wasn't married that is. At least for me, how physically attractive I find someone isn't that closely related to how beautiful they are. Real ugliness is a turn-off of course - but is also very rare. Otherwise a smile and a nice personality matters most.

R, you have a wonderful way of thinking. To bad more people do not have your mindset.

In response to Hystorm's comment - It doesn't matter what the spouse of a cheater looks like, cheating is cheating and it doesn't make it any more acceptable if the one cheated on is less than pleasing to the eye.

[nikster5000]

You are strong keep moving forward!

Trust is so important, and you need that to have any kind of peace in your relationship. Doubt will eat you to your core and leave you second guessing everything. I agree as far as protecting yourself for future relationships. You don't realize it until its really bad but getting "burned" can totally change the way you see any man if you let it. Your man should really think about what he wants and what it will cost him to have it. Its corny but the 80-20 rule is true from that movie why did I get married. Does he want a woman who will satisfy 20% of what he needs or a good woman who can and will satisfy 80% of what he needs. Never settle and if you don't think about you who will? It seems hes worried about what he wants not the commitment he made. Instead of worrying about what he may do to your life think about what you can do to make it better whatever that may be.

[BeautifulMommy]

HI everyone, I just joined....

I have been married for almost 5 yrs. and been with him for almost 10. He cheated on me a few years ago. I was completly devastated! I knew he was truely sorry and truely loved me so I stayed and havent regretted it one bit! Our marriage is now stronger.

I have since learned that he has a 'craving' for other women. I now believe that this is natural. All men will be attracted to women. Most men just arent going to tell their wives/g-fs this out of fear or whatever. When their wives are too tired, or for whatever reason it is at the time they are aroused then they will look to porn or other women to satisfy this craving. Now, although this is natural for men to be horny ALOT more than women.....it can get out of control with hurtfull behavior. For this, I commend your bf for telling you the truth. At least he is trying to have an honest relationship with you! That says alot that he cares about you and trusts your love in him enough to tell you this! That would be VERY hard for ALOT of men!! You may have an actual good man on your hands.

I dont know how to tell you to solve YOUR problem, every couple has to work it out best for them. This is what the solution was for me......And I hope I dont FREAK people out... But I just got into it with him. I made porn pics of MYSELF and put them on the computer to look at when I wasnt 'available' or he was just in a porn mood. AND I actually get into the girl on girl with him. This way he gets to indulge in his fantasies with me included. I know for certain he would never be with a woman with out me but it is something that we now enjoy together and boy, does he ever walk around with a smile on his face!