[jane86]

Methinks Mark likes to stay up late judging people. He is banned.

Thank you. To be honest I'd long stopped reading that user's comments. I'm always up for a grown up discussion about sex and relationships, but when people start quoting the bible I switch off because I'm an atheist, and I find I can never have a constructive conversation with religious people. Nothing against them, I'm glad they've got something they really believe in, but they often tend to see everything in black and white, whereas I'm always questioning everything, and I have no real beliefs, except that you should always strive to be a good and kind person.

But in answer to jns's question:

"Have your kids started wondering what is going on? Kids are very perceptive. Good sex often seems to make women glow. From appearance to attitude to actions, many things change in often subtle ways. Further, your husband may be doing things with the kids that he normally wouldn't do solo. Do you have a cover story for their curiosity??"

My kids have always been, and always will be, my top priority. I'd sooner chop off my clitoris and sew up my vagina than cause them any harm. One of the reasons I switched from seeing my lover at the weekend to seeing him during the week was that I didn't want these meetups to affect the precious family time we have at the weekend.

During the week, my kids are used to me and their dad taking turns in going out with friends, going to yoga (me) or the gym (him). So as far as they know, when I'm out in the late afternoon I'm just going to my regular hot yoga classes. In a way it's not that different, it's physical exercise that gets me hot and sweaty and when I get home I shower straight away, so even if there were any sex smells on me, they'd disappear completely. Not that they'd ever know what constitutes a sex smell, besides they must have smelled that on me or their father plenty of times, whenever they interrupted one of our steamy sessions (which has happened plenty of times).

I don't know that I "glow" exactly after I've been with my lover, my husband keeps saying I look happier and more confident but I think that's mostly in his head, because he knows what's happening. I really don't feel my kids are picking up on any of that. And if they are, what's wrong with seeing a happier mum?

If this relationship / affair / whatever you want to call it started to cause any friction between me and my husband, to the point where it might threaten our relationship and the wellbeing of my kids, I'd end it immediately, you can be sure of that. My kids always come first.

[jns]

Thank you. To be honest I'd long stopped reading that user's comments. I'm always up for a grown up discussion about sex and relationships, but when people start quoting the bible I switch off because I'm an atheist, and I find I can never have a constructive conversation with religious people. Nothing against them, I'm glad they've got something they really believe in, but they often tend to see everything in black and white, whereas I'm always questioning everything, and I have no real beliefs, except that you should always strive to be a good and kind person.

But in answer to jns's question:

"Have your kids started wondering what is going on? Kids are very perceptive. Good sex often seems to make women glow. From appearance to attitude to actions, many things change in often subtle ways. Further, your husband may be doing things with the kids that he normally wouldn't do solo. Do you have a cover story for their curiosity??"

My kids have always been, and always will be, my top priority. I'd sooner chop off my clitoris and sew up my vagina than cause them any harm. One of the reasons I switched from seeing my lover at the weekend to seeing him during the week was that I didn't want these meetups to affect the precious family time we have at the weekend.

During the week, my kids are used to me and their dad taking turns in going out with friends, going to yoga (me) or the gym (him). So as far as they know, when I'm out in the late afternoon I'm just going to my regular hot yoga classes. In a way it's not that different, it's physical exercise that gets me hot and sweaty and when I get home I shower straight away, so even if there were any sex smells on me, they'd disappear completely. Not that they'd ever know what constitutes a sex smell, besides they must have smelled that on me or their father plenty of times, whenever they interrupted one of our steamy sessions (which has happened plenty of times).

I don't know that I "glow" exactly after I've been with my lover, my husband keeps saying I look happier and more confident but I think that's mostly in his head, because he knows what's happening. I really don't feel my kids are picking up on any of that. And if they are, what's wrong with seeing a happier mum?

If this relationship / affair / whatever you want to call it started to cause any friction between me and my husband, to the point where it might threaten our relationship and the wellbeing of my kids, I'd end it immediately, you can be sure of that. My kids always come first.

Good for you keeping track of all these things.

[GlasFel]

...my husband keeps saying I look happier and more confident but I think that's mostly in his head, because he knows what's happening.

The more I hear about your OH, the more I think he and I are very alike. I too would be delighted in seeing my wife being satisfied and empowered by better sex and by the thrill of cuckolding me. You probably don't even realise what an aura of feminine sexual confidence you exude right now, but I bet hubby is soaking it all up.

He is content with hearing about your meet ups, or has he asked for any more threesomes?

[jane86]

The more I hear about your OH, the more I think he and I are very alike. I too would be delighted in seeing my wife being satisfied and empowered by better sex and by the thrill of cuckolding me. You probably don't even realise what an aura of feminine sexual confidence you exude right now, but I bet hubby is soaking it all up.

He is content with hearing about your meet ups, or has he asked for any more threesomes?

He didn't ask but I offered. I said I'd get my mum to take the kids again just for one night. He said no, let's not disrupt the weekend again and I must say I was relieved, for all the reasons I said before.

However, I do want to get him involved again. So I've got a plan: once a week, I want him to spend his lunch hour at home, while the kids are at school. My lover can come and visit at the same time, he works from home so his hours are flexible. It will be a bit of a rush for my husband, but even if he eats his lunch in the car on the way here and only gets to join in for half an hour, I think it will still be worth it. He can just watch if he wants, but I'm hoping that given enough time, he'll relax enough to want to join physically.

A threesome was the original idea. His idea, let's not forget. Now it seems to have just turned into an affair, albeit with his consent. And I do enjoy telling him about the meetups and watching his reaction, he keeps saying it's enough for him but I think he's lying. I think he'd like to watch things in person, to have some physical contact with me, even without necessarily penetrating me.

I've seen homemade videos of threesomes and there are so many ways a husband can get involved: he can talk to the wife, encourage her, hold her hand, get a blow job or a hand job. I want to try all those things, it would make it so intense for me. I don't just want him to hear about the pleasure my lover is giving me: I want him to see it first hand. I want to be able to look into his eyes and share that pleasure with him. Only if he wants that of course, but I think he does. He's just scared of his own feelings, which is understandable. But unless he puts himself into that situation, he'll never get over those fears.

Am I being reckless for wanting to pursue the threesome thing again? I want it for him as much as for myself.

Another thing. I don't want him to be the victim here, victim of his wife's selfish sexual appetite. I fear his submissive nature is dictating his whole behaviour towards me right now and I'm worried about how far that's going to go. He may end up completely unable to make love to me ever again, and that's not something I want. For one thing, my lover may not be around forever, whereas he and I are together for life. No one wants an impotent husband, crippled by performance anxiety and inferiority complexes. I know I could make all that stop by simply not seeing my lover anymore, but if there's another way, one that allows me to carry on seeing him, I'd much rather try that avenue first. Shoot me.

I haven't proposed the lunchtime solution yet, I need to catch him at the right time because I don't think he'll like the idea very much. He takes his work very seriously and doesn't like distractions, doesn't even like when I phone him while he's there. But I hope I'll be able to convince him, if I explain how much it matters to me.

We should at least try it once, and if it's a disaster, we'll abandon the threesome idea for good.

[GlasFel]

I don't just want him to hear about the pleasure my lover is giving me: I want him to see it first hand. I want to be able to look into his eyes and share that pleasure with him. Only if he wants that of course, but I think he does. He's just scared of his own feelings, which is understandable. But unless he puts himself into that situation, he'll never get over those fears.

To me, it sounds increasingly like the dynamics you're after are those of a typical cuckolding scenario: the submissive husband watches and suffers, constantly repressing his own jealousy but essentially unable to participate, while the wife dishes out the humiliation and gets off on it.
Nothing wrong with that, it's a common fantasy and in fact it's exactly what I desire in my own marriage, but I think you need to be clear in your own head and heart on whether that's what you want. And you also need to make absolutely sure that's what your OH wants. If he's not made of the right stuff, if he's not a cuckold at heart, he's not going to put up with it. You're right to be concerned about impotence, you could destroy his sexual confidence in ways that are potentially irreparable.

I want to also ask this, if you're willing to answer. As you seem to not be looking for any other bulls, do you think you may be developing feelings for your current one? Even the fact that you keep referring to him as "lover" seems to suggest that. I think this is an important question to answer in your own head, even if you don't answer here. Feelings change everything. I don't have any personal experience of cuckolding (sadly) but as I understand it, the cuckold wife gives herself to her bull, even in a loving way, but the relationship is confined to the bedroom and it's purely for the purpose of sexual gratification. The cuck experiences jealousy, but feels "safe" in the knowledge that ultimately he remains the exclusive romantic partner, as the wife isn't seeking emotional fulfilment from her bull.
This is different from a polyamorous relationship, where one person shares an emotional bond with multiple partners.
Perhaps you ought to do some soul searching before pushing this lunch break idea. Personally I don't see how that would ever work anyway, with your husband rushing around between work and your bedroom, finishing off his sandwich as he greets you and your bull, who presumably are already hard at it (otherwise he's only going to witness the foreplay?)
To me that doesn't sound like a satisfying or sustainable scenario for anyone involved, but of course you're the one who needs to plan it and put it in place, so maybe you'll prove me wrong.
Have you discussed it with your OH yet?

[jane86]

No, fortunately I realised very quickly what a stupid idea it was. I don't know what I was thinking. Of course you were absolutely right, it would never have worked.

But that doesn't matter now, as we reached some important conclusions together last night. We had a long, frank conversation about what's been happening, I asked him if he was still ok with our current arrangement, if he was struggling with jealousy or any other negative feelings.

To summarise what he said, he's feeling jealous but in a good way. He finds himself thinking about me and my lover all the time, about the stuff I tell him we do together, he gets all worked up about it and then has to masturbate just to get relief from it. I was both relieved and turned on by that admission. Relieved because I'd been worrying he might lose interest in my affair, normalise it in his head, whereas clearly he's mentally and emotionally engaged with it. Turned on because it's nice to know that what I'm doing has such a strong effect on him.

I asked him if he would prefer to be more involved again and he turned the question around and asked if I wanted him more involved. I thought about it and gave him the honest answer, which was that I didn't know. I told him I'd been having these fantasies of him watching me with my lover, us exchanging looks, joining hands, kissing while I'm being pleasured, but in reality our threesomes so far have been very different. Both times there was a lot of awkwardness, I could tell he was struggling with what he was seeing and that stopped me relaxing and enjoying it fully.

When I'm alone with my lover, I totally forget myself, and for a couple of hours all that exists is sensuality, pleasure, warmth. I lose myself in those sensations, sometimes the feelings are so intense I become one with the earth underneath and the air around me. The last time I was there, I got into a state I'd never experienced before, where it didn't feel like I was having a series of build-ups and orgasms as I normally have, but one continuous orgasmic state with occasional peaks. The only way I can describe it is that it was like being immersed in a pool, where all the water around me was pulsating in sync with the gentle contractions of my loins. This seemed to just go on and on, then occasionally the pulses would get so powerful I'd feel myself pushed upwards out of the water, and I'd experience a brief out of body moment, to then plunge back into the pool and fall immediately back in sync with the water's rhythm. For what felt like hours, but was in reality probably just 15 minutes or so, I didn't know who or where I was, I was just pleasure.

I said all this to my husband and he was clearly fascinated by my description, then said that if that's what it's like for me when I'm alone with my lover, he'd never want to interfere with it. I tried to say that he's more important to me than any of that, but he wouldn't have it.

He also said that for now at least, watching me with my lover is too intense for him. He can just about deal with it if he's thinking about it or hearing it from me, but being there in person is too much. I asked him which part he found hardest to deal with and he said what he'd said before, it was the way I kept looking at the guy: how grateful and how loving my eyes looked the whole time. But now that I'd described what he does to me, he could totally understand why I felt that way towards him.

This led us into a part of the conversation which probably answers your question about developing feelings for my bull. I don't really like calling him that to be honest, I know that's the conventional term but I think it gives the whole thing such an animalistic, demeaning connotation. I call him lover because that's what we're doing: we're making love.

You ask if I'm developing feelings, but the truth is I've had feelings all along. I could never have let someone inside me otherwise. It's not romantic love of course, in the same way that I love my husband. It's not even an intellectual connection, as I hardly know the guy and we don't talk much. We don't chat, we don't tell each other anything personal and I intend to keep it that way. When I go visit him, we pretty much start making love straight away, there are exchanges of noises and occasional words but most of it is entirely non-verbal. We communicate through our bodies. But it's definitely a form of love, there's no doubt about that. And I felt it with him straight away, the first time we held each other and before he even entered me.

That's what I explained to my husband last night when he asked if I thought I was in love with the guy. He seemed to understand and to accept my explanation. I reassured him that it didn't change how I felt towards him, if anything my love for him feels stronger now than ever before. I consider myself so lucky to be married to a man who is willing to let me have these extra-marital experiences, without letting his jealousy overwhelm him. I don't know how he does it, because I know I wouldn't be able to.

I guess that's the absurd, paradoxical aspect of all this, the one that will inevitably anger some people like the user who started quoting the bible at me. It seems so unfair that I'm expecting my husband to put up with this, when I know if he ever did the same to me, I would be utterly crushed. If he ever looked at another woman the way I know I look at my lover all the time, the way I looked at him right in front of my husband, I'd lose my mind. I'd be an emotional wreck.

If I knew another woman was sharing with him the kind of bliss I experience with my lover, I'd never be able to look into his eyes. I think I'd hate him so much, I couldn't even bear being near him. And yet he shares a bed with me every night, lies next to my body, sometimes only a few hours after that same body has been owned by another man.

I do wonder sometimes what he must be thinking in those moments. Does he look at my lips and wonder how many times they were kissed? Does he glance at my breasts and think about how they've been sucked and fondled, how they were swaying with each thrust of my lover's hips? Does he think about the semen that's still be in my vagina, or in my stomach? Does he kiss me and think of how my mouth was holding another man's penis just a few hours earlier? And is he disgusted by that, or turned on?

I didn't ask him any of that, but I accepted his assurance that he's happy for me and enjoying the feelings of jealousy he's experiencing. The other interesting thing he said is that he's partly relieved, because for a long time now he'd been feeling the weight of responsibility towards my sexual needs, the fear that they weren't being met. I didn't know this, but a lot of the kinky stuff he's been asking for was actually for my benefit, or at least that was how he saw it. He was worried I'd get bored of the sex we were having and that my lack of previous experience would lead me to cheat. So he tried to spice things up, but he could tell I wasn't always into those things.

We both realised only last night, as we talked things over, that his obsession with a threesome was probably born out of his desire to let me have new experiences, so he wouldn't lose me.

Now that I've found something that works really well for me sexually, he doesn't need to worry anymore. The only negative feeling left is his stupid jealousy (he called it stupid, I don't think it is). But he thinks he can overcome it.

So that's where we're at. There's no immediate need for more threesomes, but there's definitely the need to keep communicating our feelings openly. I still feel he's not telling me the whole truth, that perhaps he's suffering more than he tells me, but he's not wanting to confess it because he knows I'd sacrifice my own needs for him. I need to make sure we keep talking as often as possible and I'll try to go easy on him for a while when it comes to recounting my meetups. Maybe I was a bit too descriptive with some of the hardcore stuff, I guess I got turned on and carried away. I didn't realise him touching himself like that wasn't just because he found my descriptions arousing, but because he was looking for relief from his own feelings of jealousy. I guess his psyche is more complex than I ever thought.

[jns]

No, fortunately I realised very quickly what a stupid idea it was. I don't know what I was thinking. Of course you were absolutely right, it would never have worked.

But that doesn't matter now, as we reached some important conclusions together last night. We had a long, frank conversation about what's been happening, I asked him if he was still ok with our current arrangement, if he was struggling with jealousy or any other negative feelings.

To summarise what he said, he's feeling jealous but in a good way. He finds himself thinking about me and my lover all the time, about the stuff I tell him we do together, he gets all worked up about it and then has to masturbate just to get relief from it. I was both relieved and turned on by that admission. Relieved because I'd been worrying he might lose interest in my affair, normalise it in his head, whereas clearly he's mentally and emotionally engaged with it. Turned on because it's nice to know that what I'm doing has such a strong effect on him.

I asked him if he would prefer to be more involved again and he turned the question around and asked if I wanted him more involved. I thought about it and gave him the honest answer, which was that I didn't know. I told him I'd been having these fantasies of him watching me with my lover, us exchanging looks, joining hands, kissing while I'm being pleasured, but in reality our threesomes so far have been very different. Both times there was a lot of awkwardness, I could tell he was struggling with what he was seeing and that stopped me relaxing and enjoying it fully.

When I'm alone with my lover, I totally forget myself, and for a couple of hours all that exists is sensuality, pleasure, warmth. I lose myself in those sensations, sometimes the feelings are so intense I become one with the earth underneath and the air around me. The last time I was there, I got into a state I'd never experienced before, where it didn't feel like I was having a series of build-ups and orgasms as I normally have, but one continuous orgasmic state with occasional peaks. The only way I can describe it is that it was like being immersed in a pool, where all the water around me was pulsating in sync with the gentle contractions of my loins. This seemed to just go on and on, then occasionally the pulses would get so powerful I'd feel myself pushed upwards out of the water, and I'd experience a brief out of body moment, to then plunge back into the pool and fall immediately back in sync with the water's rhythm. For what felt like hours, but was in reality probably just 15 minutes or so, I didn't know who or where I was, I was just pleasure.

I said all this to my husband and he was clearly fascinated by my description, then said that if that's what it's like for me when I'm alone with my lover, he'd never want to interfere with it. I tried to say that he's more important to me than any of that, but he wouldn't have it.

He also said that for now at least, watching me with my lover is too intense for him. He can just about deal with it if he's thinking about it or hearing it from me, but being there in person is too much. I asked him which part he found hardest to deal with and he said what he'd said before, it was the way I kept looking at the guy: how grateful and how loving my eyes looked the whole time. But now that I'd described what he does to me, he could totally understand why I felt that way towards him.

This led us into a part of the conversation which probably answers your question about developing feelings for my bull. I don't really like calling him that to be honest, I know that's the conventional term but I think it gives the whole thing such an animalistic, demeaning connotation. I call him lover because that's what we're doing: we're making love.

You ask if I'm developing feelings, but the truth is I've had feelings all along. I could never have let someone inside me otherwise. It's not romantic love of course, in the same way that I love my husband. It's not even an intellectual connection, as I hardly know the guy and we don't talk much. We don't chat, we don't tell each other anything personal and I intend to keep it that way. When I go visit him, we pretty much start making love straight away, there are exchanges of noises and occasional words but most of it is entirely non-verbal. We communicate through our bodies. But it's definitely a form of love, there's no doubt about that. And I felt it with him straight away, the first time we held each other and before he even entered me.

That's what I explained to my husband last night when he asked if I thought I was in love with the guy. He seemed to understand and to accept my explanation. I reassured him that it didn't change how I felt towards him, if anything my love for him feels stronger now than ever before. I consider myself so lucky to be married to a man who is willing to let me have these extra-marital experiences, without letting his jealousy overwhelm him. I don't know how he does it, because I know I wouldn't be able to.

I guess that's the absurd, paradoxical aspect of all this, the one that will inevitably anger some people like the user who started quoting the bible at me. It seems so unfair that I'm expecting my husband to put up with this, when I know if he ever did the same to me, I would be utterly crushed. If he ever looked at another woman the way I know I look at my lover all the time, the way I looked at him right in front of my husband, I'd lose my mind. I'd be an emotional wreck.

If I knew another woman was sharing with him the kind of bliss I experience with my lover, I'd never be able to look into his eyes. I think I'd hate him so much, I couldn't even bear being near him. And yet he shares a bed with me every night, lies next to my body, sometimes only a few hours after that same body has been owned by another man.

I do wonder sometimes what he must be thinking in those moments. Does he look at my lips and wonder how many times they were kissed? Does he glance at my breasts and think about how they've been sucked and fondled, how they were swaying with each thrust of my lover's hips? Does he think about the semen that's still be in my vagina, or in my stomach? Does he kiss me and think of how my mouth was holding another man's penis just a few hours earlier? And is he disgusted by that, or turned on?

I didn't ask him any of that, but I accepted his assurance that he's happy for me and enjoying the feelings of jealousy he's experiencing. The other interesting thing he said is that he's partly relieved, because for a long time now he'd been feeling the weight of responsibility towards my sexual needs, the fear that they weren't being met. I didn't know this, but a lot of the kinky stuff he's been asking for was actually for my benefit, or at least that was how he saw it. He was worried I'd get bored of the sex we were having and that my lack of previous experience would lead me to cheat. So he tried to spice things up, but he could tell I wasn't always into those things.

We both realised only last night, as we talked things over, that his obsession with a threesome was probably born out of his desire to let me have new experiences, so he wouldn't lose me.

Now that I've found something that works really well for me sexually, he doesn't need to worry anymore. The only negative feeling left is his stupid jealousy (he called it stupid, I don't think it is). But he thinks he can overcome it.

So that's where we're at. There's no immediate need for more threesomes, but there's definitely the need to keep communicating our feelings openly. I still feel he's not telling me the whole truth, that perhaps he's suffering more than he tells me, but he's not wanting to confess it because he knows I'd sacrifice my own needs for him. I need to make sure we keep talking as often as possible and I'll try to go easy on him for a while when it comes to recounting my meetups. Maybe I was a bit too descriptive with some of the hardcore stuff, I guess I got turned on and carried away. I didn't realise him touching himself like that wasn't just because he found my descriptions arousing, but because he was looking for relief from his own feelings of jealousy. I guess his psyche is more complex than I ever thought.

You and your husband sound so interesting and actually well matched. Your husband has his jealousy under control and can enjoy the passion that you have with your lover. At the end of the day, you are home with him and taking care of him and his desires. There doesn't seem to be any drifting away. I wouldn't call his jealousy stupid as it is a natural reaction. I also find it great that you can rationally look at all of this and at the right time release all of the rationality and immerse yourself in the sensations and sensuality of great sex. Has your husband been getting better at sex? It seems as that would continue to be one of the objectives. It could have benefits down the road if your relationship with your lover were to end. Continuing best wishes.

[summer21031985]

jane86 Any further updates jane what happened since then..How are you managing all these.?

[jane86]

jane86 Any further updates jane what happened since then..How are you managing all these.?

I think we're in a pretty good place right now in terms of my husband's acceptance of our new lifestyle. I've been trying to go easy on him, without being totally dishonest. I still tell him what I get up to because he insists he wants to hear about it, but I try not to make it sound as though the sex I have with my lover blows my mind every single time.

In answer to jns's question, it has't made my husband better at sex. Actually the truth is he hasn't initiated sex since I've started seeing my lover regularly. I know some people will say this rings alarm bells, that what I'm doing is destroying his sexual confidence and our intimacy, but no one understands our personal situation like we do. I don't know if I can explain it but I can try, in case anyone else reading this might relate and find it helpful.

As I mentioned previously, my husband was already losing confidence and actually losing interest in intercourse, long before the whole threesome thing came about. I know because we've talked about it at length now and he's finally opened up to me. He still finds me attractive but doesn't often feel the need for actual intercourse. He's perfectly happy watching me masturbate and touching himself, he can tell I get more pleasure that way anyway. Which is true by the way. If I had to choose between intercourse with him and bringing myself off, I'd choose the latter every time. I'm not ashamed to admit that, I just don't feel the need to have him inside me and when I do, it just feels wrong. It's not a physical thing, I can't stress that enough. I just don't fancy him in that way anymore. But that doesn't mean I don't love him.

Anyway the point is, for years he could sense that I wasn't really enjoying sex with him anymore and he tried to come up with more and more ways to spice things up, including the threesome idea. It was all for my benefit, not his.

So now we're in this situation where my needs for intercourse are being more than met and he can basically relax about it. So it's very chilled out between us now. We still get naked, I masturbate, tell him stuff and he gets off on all that. I keep asking if he wants more, to be more involved, but he keeps saying no. So the way I see it, why not be grateful for the balance we've found, however unconventional? If it works for us, who cares about what other people think, or consider normal? What's "normal" anyway? As long as we're not hurting each other or anyone else.

I will say one thing though. What's difficult for me is that I get turned on too telling him all that stuff, and sometimes it's hard for me not to get carried away with the whole domination thing and end up saying some harsh, humiliating things that might turn him on in the heat of the moment, but later will make him think "hold on, did she actually mean that?"

I already made that mistake when I told him about the anal and the swallowing, the anal actually he was kind of ok with but for some reason the swallowing thing hit him hard. I know because he keeps asking about it, almost obsessively. One of the first things he always wants to know after I've been with my lover is if I let him finish in my mouth. I don't want to lie to him completely so I admit it, but I try to downplay it. I say I just do it for him, cause I did it once and he's come to expect it, I tell him I drink water straight away to get rid of the taste because I don't like it. In reality it's something I really enjoy doing and maybe I should just admit it, whenever I talk about it while masturbating I get so close to telling him but then I start thinking about how it's going to sound from cold. Once I've said it, I can't take it back.

The same goes for the emotional side of things. He asks quite often about my feelings for the guy, which tells me that it's something that really matters to him, or that really makes him jealous, which is understandable. Again, I don't exactly lie but I give him half truths. Enough to tickle his jealousy, but not enough to crush him. In truth, if he knew the extent of what goes on with my lover, the tenderness, the looks, the hugs (even the L word has been uttered a few times on both sides in the throes of passion) he'd be devastated. But the way I see it, what he doesn't know can't hurt him. I'm not about to run off with the guy, I don't need another life partner. What I have with my husband is unique and irreplaceable, and it's not under threat.

I hope I have explained well enough.

[summer21031985]

jane86 You are managing it very well giving yourself self pleasure along with keeping the need of your husband needs to some extent which is possible with you.
why can't you try to imagine once that you are with your lover and give all pleasures to your husband including anal and swallowing both that might spice up things for you and your husband. Might that work if you tried once if not work you can try something else.