[miffed23]

One sees this most frequently where the man's libido is considerably higher than that of his s/o.


Is there a double-standard in this story? Not to hijack the thread in any way...but I'm curious as to what you think.

Based upon the knowledge gathered from here, and personal experiences -i would say that it works both ways.... i dont particularly think that men find themselves in an unbalanced sexual relationship any more so than women. I also believe that during the early stages, things are pretty much balanced....its further down the line that sexual desires change..... whether that be of the woman or the man is hit and miss.

However, if youre lucky - both your drives will be equal and remain equal....thats were true sexual happiness derives from.

[LoverofSEX]

There is a good chance that if you continue doing what your doing and hubby finds out, files for divorce, you could loos the child, and not to mention what's already been brought up anything you catch on the one nighters is free. Probably what stops a lot of people from going over to the other side of the fence, I know that's what's stopping me from living out some of my fantasies. Tough thing to tell your so you have this or that.

[Phoebee]

Sometimes I wonder whether I want hubby to find out... I sure am pushing my luck! That would be horrible and I'd feel so bad but maybe it would make it easier for me to leave him... but then behaving like I am is not good even if I wasn't married. I should be thinking of my child too, I know. Why am I being so selfish and, frankly, ? Is this just a phase that will pass? Something I will get out of my system and then go back to being a "normal", respectable wife and mother? Maybe I am, as someone said, looking for a more compatible person who will satisfy me enough to not want sex with anyone else... I'd like that.

I think him finding out what your doing could be a disaster for him emotion wise and might even become violent for you! Do please do not feel the need to share what your doing. I recall a talk show person saying that admitting extra marital affairs were for the person having the affairs and were not positive for the person being cheated on.

You mentioned not being satisfied. If thats a part of the problem have you explored finding a solution to that? For example seeing a therapist who deals with sexual issues? If he is lousy in bed (And what man is not as some point?) trust me... There are ways to educate him. If you picture him as suddenly being "attractive" and satisfying you in the bedroom how would that change your desire to have random sex? Therapy is good! I've gotten a lot out of seeing a professional and I think it would be worth at least exploring with one if you could get anything from it.

At the same time - Have you ruled out that you might have a medical problem? Maybe your hormones are at some insane level where your sex drive has been scrambled? I would seriously question if a visit to your GP and talking about this is in order. Scary changes in sex drive can be the sign of serious thyroid issues or hummm. I can't spell any of these words but the glands that control the ovaries. Tumors etc - scary so PLEASE check that out.

I think Divorce might sound like a solution but don't you see the need for random one night stands to be the real core issue? How is this going to effect your relationship with your child? Is this the type of thing you want to pass on as acceptable?

And please tell me your using protection against STDs and birth control!

Good Luck and stay safe...

[Fire(m)]

Maz.
I think this may have something to do with your age. My wife went through a stage in her early to mid-30s where she told me that she wanted to do the things that you are doing. She may have actually done some of them, but I don't know that even to this day.

She was hitting her sexual prime and she was p1ssed off bigtime that I was her first and only. She felt robbed because I slept with (admittedly) every girl who would let me sleep with her (before we were married), and my wife was "stuck with me". She didn't see it as fair.

I do (and did) understand the dilemma, but couldn't see clear to opening up my marriage. It's just not in my heart. I am crazy about my wife and always have been, but I admit that we did talk about splitting up.

Well, she went sort of sexually crazy for a period of a few years (say 3 or 4 years). Masturbated about...4 or 5 times a day, gave me some whenever I wanted it, AND SOME etc but I knew she was just doing it with me to get her relief, not because she wanted to do it with me.

In a few years, all that passed and when it was all said and done, she told me one time that she was really glad that we didn't split up or go with an open marriage. She said it was the right thing to do in retrospect but that she didn't think so at the time.

Now she's back to her normal "self" which is that she doesn't masturbate very often and she gives me some less often than that. Haha.

I always wanted a hot mama in the sack and finally got one. When I had one, I always thought ...geez...I hope she calms down a bit...and now, well, I'm back to wishing for a hot mama again (at least a warm mama). All I know is that both of us have learned to roll with the punches. I hope this happens for you too...and that you get some relief from that itch you got. Hehehe.

Cheers.

[Davey]

it's interesting jow every1 talks so nonchalantly about it, like ohh, he doesn't have wat u desire, leave em, blah blah. I would be SO hurt if my wife was stepping out and giving my loving to other men. Especially after marriage and children? That's rough man, that's messing wit peoples emotion on a deep dangerous level.

Yes we men are dogs and what not, but 90 % of us don't get as much as we want from our wives, and they expect it no less because "society" says marriage equals less sex since they got you. But goin out every nite giving it up to every gentleman caller. More power to ya for not getting caught.

I'm not tryna me rude or anything, I'm jus saying, ur pretty coldblooded sister. Lol I would definitly tell him everything and make your peace, because you've rendered him a cuckolded fool, the least u can do is tell him that much. He's gonna walk the rest of his days and wonder if every guy he sea was boning his queen. man...tthats stress, I hope I never have to endure that. Once your single, lay with every bloak from there ya wales if ya please, jus don't have him at home with a false sense of security.

[maz33]

Thanks fire, you always talk so much sense!

Davey, men have been treating women the same way for a looooong time and still do if they think they can get away with it. I've just turned the tables.

Phoebe, I haven't told my husband what I've done because, as you said, I don't think that would be helpful.


I should give you an up date on this situation:

A week or two ago I brought up the subject of 'open relationships' and to cut a long story short, my husband agreed to try it out. He's not overly keen on his wife being intimate with other men of course, but says he'd rather go with it than have me leave him.

I'm kind of hoping he'll relish his new freedom so I don't have to feel guilty anymore...

Anyway the funny thing is, since that conversation I've had NO sexual encounters and haven't really felt the urge to do so. I fantasise about certain people and that's enough for me at the moment.

It's like, now that I've been told I'm ALLOWED to see other men, it doesn't seem as exciting I feel much more conscious of it all which is probably a good thing, and as if he's watching me all the time for any clues that I'm seeing someone. And I don't want to rub his face in it so although it's classed as 'open' he knows I'm not going to come home saying "oh darling I just had the most wonderful shag"...

[Guest]

blah blah blah...lets sugarcoat everything and make excuses...she is wrong and was wrong for doing what she did...if it is open now then he deserves to know what you have done prior to being open...no matter what everyone else is saying and trying to make you feel better so u can find the right excuse to make yourself feel better...YOU WERE WRONG... If it works now you will be lucky...you should of gotten divorced before you decided to cheat on him...

[maz33]

blah blah blah...lets sugarcoat everything and make excuses...she is wrong and was wrong for doing what she did...if it is open now then he deserves to know what you have done prior to being open...no matter what everyone else is saying and trying to make you feel better so u can find the right excuse to make yourself feel better...YOU WERE WRONG... If it works now you will be lucky...you should of gotten divorced before you decided to cheat on him...

Thank you for you input. Yes I was wrong to do what I did and I'm not proud of it but should I really leave him and tear my son's world apart?

This recent development just shows that it would have been unnecessary to divorce. We might still do so if the new arrangement doesn't work out but for now we're giving it a go...

My husband is incredibly forgiving but if I was to tell him everything he would just be hurt and confused, and yes would be walking around wondering "was it him?.....or him?...that one?......

I have always agreed with the opinion that you should walk away before you stray, but I had never been in the situation myself before. I still agree with this opinion but also don't regret how I have handled things in my relationship.

We're all human and sometimes don't always do what's right.

[Guest]

look if you really dont want to be with ur husband and it shows even a little bit...your son will eventually see it with his own eyes... you will destroy him that way...always staying together for the child is not the best thing to do... im not saying what we always do is right...but you have to be the one to make it right... you made a very bad decision in what you have done...if it is open now he deserves to know u have been with other men...it's just wrong...if it was one guy maybe forgive and forget...but come on it was more then one...

[maz33]

look if you really dont want to be with ur husband and it shows even a little bit...your son will eventually see it with his own eyes... you will destroy him that way...always staying together for the child is not the best thing to do... im not saying what we always do is right...but you have to be the one to make it right... you made a very bad decision in what you have done...if it is open now he deserves to know u have been with other men...it's just wrong...if it was one guy maybe forgive and forget...but come on it was more then one...

We have a good family environment, centred on our boy. We have created a secure and loving home for our son in which he is positively thriving. We NEVER argue, and as far as our son knows, everything is completely as it should be.

The only thing he doesn't know about is our sex life and why should he???? Is it normal for your children to know what you get up to sexually? I don't think so. My son will see it with his own eyes if we decide to divorce and I wouldn't put him through that at such a young age.

I have thought long and hard about this. I know my husband and I know he would rather not know.