[Phoebee]

I have to admit that I'm talking about stuff I don't know about. The fantasy of sex with other people is hard to not find exciting but the reality of it is just.... Not my cup of tea. Too many people can get hurt I suppose and to be honest some of the practical issues of it would be so scary I would not get beyond the "humm he would be fun to give a try" stage.

STDs, Aids for one.

Having some guy get too into me and suddenly show up! *Stalking etc.

Me getting to into some guy and doing awful things to my DH / family.

If talking to him about going "open" is giving you some breathing space I think thats good but wow... He is probably not going to be the same. I can imagine the anguish he feels when ever your not around. Wondering if thats when your doing this.

When I mentioned the part about your child I wasn't at all suggesting that a kid should know intimate details about your sex life. Gack! However if your husband did divorce you and was asked why did you leave mommy? What sort of story do you think he would say? Would it not come out at some point that he had to leave because of extramarital activities? And that was my point.

Lets agree that we all have needs. Sex is not like air or water but its still very important. If you have a need and its not being taken care of have you pondered going back to the source and saying "Look, I've got a problem. Can we try to work this out?" If he is willing to let you do your own sexual thing (Open Relationship) he clearly has a lot invested in you. If he has problems in bed *An issue I'm expert in. Would solving those not be at least less dangerous then what your doing?

And I'm just curious. If you came home and found him in bed with say one of your friends or someone just better looking then you how do you think you would feel? Be honest.

And again. Not to imply your sick or crazy. But... ruling that out would be a good step right? And there is no shame (I think) in having therapy. Its done wonders for me and many others. And you need not be loaded full of pills. I don't take any. I just have nice sane discussions with my doctor on why my kids are making me a loon ;-)

If your sex drive has always been like this? Then going to a medical doctor might be of little use but if your having uncontrollable urges (No Devo Jokes please) having that checked might be worth doing.

Good luck - p

[maz33]

I have to admit that I'm talking about stuff I don't know about. The fantasy of sex with other people is hard to not find exciting but the reality of it is just.... Not my cup of tea. Too many people can get hurt I suppose and to be honest some of the practical issues of it would be so scary I would not get beyond the "humm he would be fun to give a try" stage.

STDs, Aids for one.

Having some guy get too into me and suddenly show up! *Stalking etc.

Me getting to into some guy and doing awful things to my DH / family.

If talking to him about going "open" is giving you some breathing space I think thats good but wow... He is probably not going to be the same. I can imagine the anguish he feels when ever your not around. Wondering if thats when your doing this.

When I mentioned the part about your child I wasn't at all suggesting that a kid should know intimate details about your sex life. Gack! However if your husband did divorce you and was asked why did you leave mommy? What sort of story do you think he would say? Would it not come out at some point that he had to leave because of extramarital activities? And that was my point.

Lets agree that we all have needs. Sex is not like air or water but its still very important. If you have a need and its not being taken care of have you pondered going back to the source and saying "Look, I've got a problem. Can we try to work this out?" If he is willing to let you do your own sexual thing (Open Relationship) he clearly has a lot invested in you. If he has problems in bed *An issue I'm expert in. Would solving those not be at least less dangerous then what your doing?

And I'm just curious. If you came home and found him in bed with say one of your friends or someone just better looking then you how do you think you would feel? Be honest.

And again. Not to imply your sick or crazy. But... ruling that out would be a good step right? And there is no shame (I think) in having therapy. Its done wonders for me and many others. And you need not be loaded full of pills. I don't take any. I just have nice sane discussions with my doctor on why my kids are making me a loon ;-)

If your sex drive has always been like this? Then going to a medical doctor might be of little use but if your having uncontrollable urges (No Devo Jokes please) having that checked might be worth doing.

Good luck - p

1) Sorry Phoebe, I was referring to ILUVHIM's post regarding my child.

2) Re STD's etc- I've always used protection.

3) If we were to divorce my husband would never mention any 'extramarital activities' because he cares about our son as much as I do and wouldn't use him to score points.

4) I have asked my husband to get some help for sexual problems but he doesn't want to.

5) He would never bring a friend or anyone else into our bed because we have a child in the house. If, for arguments sake he did, then I would feel less guilty about any future extramarital sex I was to have.

[C]

I am a very sexual woman...Maybe it is for that reason that I can write of passion and lust....From what I have read of you, you did not love him that much from the start....But, maybe you did not yet know passion and lust....This is true of so many women....It comes with age...You are 30...From the standpoint of a woman that knows both of these, you have only just begun....Now for your problem....

Your husband cannot change...Stop blaming him...He is what and who you married....You have two choices...Get some vibrators and motorize yourself whenever you are in heat or else divorce him and turn into the hottest lay in town....You see honey, I doubt if anyone could match you right now....You are a hot babe....Now learn to live with it and count your blessings......I know, I do too......XX

[Guest]

well if u can live with urself..then please by all means keep sleeping with other men when u decide to go out for a drink...i know u already know about the diseases you can catch and yes im sure you use condoms...but did you ever think of the one nite drunk stand who decides he wants more and follows you home and you dont know it???? well i would...that is putting your life and ur familys life in danger... dont say it could never happen...we all see what happens in this world... and no my child does not know about my sex life... and i never said to tell ur son about your sex life...and also i never questioned your parenting skills and never would...as far as im concerned youre a great mom...but honestly...if your going to be unhappy for a good part of your life because you do not want to hurt your son...well thats sad...you know what the divorce rate is...they have programs for children in the school systems to help them and also he will not be the only child with divorced parents he will have other friends to help him thru it...and as long as you 2 are civil he will be fine...

[Phoebee]

1) Sorry Phoebe, I was referring to ILUVHIM's post regarding my child.

2) Re STD's etc- I've always used protection.

3) If we were to divorce my husband would never mention any 'extramarital activities' because he cares about our son as much as I do and wouldn't use him to score points.

4) I have asked my husband to get some help for sexual problems but he doesn't want to.

5) He would never bring a friend or anyone else into our bed because we have a child in the house. If, for arguments sake he did, then I would feel less guilty about any future extramarital sex I was to have.

Hi Maz!

Thanks for the reply. I feel for you because I can relate a bit.

#2 Good! Your insane but your NOT crazy! ;-)

#3 I've never been divorced but DH has and several of our friends. I don't think you (or I) can know how bad this gets. DH said he would rather die then go through divorce again and while I hope some of this is because he is truly in love with me and can't live without me.... I suspect a good deal of it is because people really turn mean when the "D" word is invoked and his was so bad.

#4 I have solid experience with and let me please suggest the following. If your so unhappy with him sexually that your seeking sex outside he HAS to know this problem is no longer a minor problem of his. If you come back to him now and say that your interested in "trying" with him but he has to agree to some changes? I think he would jump at the chance. Baring him being into the open relationship thing. Please tell me what his problems are? Is his sex drive low? If so maybe his hormones are goofed up. Is he tired out, crabby, having "depression" like symptoms? Its all quite possibly his testosterone and or Thyroid. If I could beam a before and after DH to you it would amaze you how different a man can be who has the proper amount of male hormones. We had sex like once a month (maybe) pre hormone therapy. Now its more like 4 or 5 times a week. And this is GOOD sex... Is he having problems with his erections? When my DH went on BP meds he just stopped working right. We've used a couple of different treatments and all share one great thing. He stays erect past his orgasm. The VED device even makes the most of what he has so if your into large and he is a medium that might help. Anyway in short intercourse became more fun for me. Therapy with a "shrink" might be needed but ED/Drive issues are mostly medical. Like 90+%

#5 Bad scene I painted. Ok. Forget the location. And yes, I understand you want things to be even but remember its a bit like Pearl Harbor. Its not the attack its who bombed who first! I guess what I'm saying is this. Wouldn't it hurt to have him suddenly be happy sexually with another woman? And if he was to be casual about it would you not feel yourself reduced? Maybe I'm not getting this so this part might not be worth reading?

Anyway to whoever said to buy a vibrator to add to the marriage bed. AMEN! This should be required. My (our) favorite position is with a Hitachi Magic Wand vibe firmly placed between us during intercourse. If you can't climax that way your beyond help! ;-)

Anyway, PLEASE feel free to private message me at anytime if you want help with him in the sex department. I think I've learned a few things and it might be of value to you to learn from my many mistakes. ;-)

[CHANDLERS WISH]

maz23
in addition to sex, you want to feel like a woman, and so you go searching for it... so that you can feel better.

Remember that quote?

Your searching for your soul, wanting to feel like a woman and if that means some guy thinks your hot, and wants your body then instead of you seeing "free lunch" on his behalf, you see want and desire of you.

You said that you suffered from depression, was addicted to drugs and alcohol and in other posts you state you go out for drinks on one occasion you stayed home and drank and played on your husband and that worked for you, it was "nice"... but you don't feel attracted to him.

You also said that "he" got you out of it" depression/drugs/alcohol...

I am betting that he knows you really well. So well, that he has given so much energy before to helping you that if an open marriage satisfies you then he is even willing to give that a try.

But he would not like it, and i doubt he will do anything and now that you have his permission, you also know that he has done it yet again for you, not for him and so you are finding it difficult to actually do it now.. It's out in the open, there is no more "thrill" it kind of kills the addiction a bit. You kind of can't come home with a smile on your face because he will know and so your having trouble doing it.

It may in fact have been a good move on his behalf agreeing due to the way you reacted after, thinking great this will be great but now thinking ah, how can i now? He'll note it, after all if you go out and leave him and your son home, he'll know.

Perhaps even sub-concsiously that was your aim?

We talked about addictive personalities in another post, we have an addiction and when we no longer care for that addiction, we move onto another addiction, usually more than one, because we have addictive personalities.

This computer ( WH ) has become an addiction, you've made friends, you enjoy posting to others and reading other peoples concerns, understanding your needs and that others have some simular, all of a sudden the site is addictive.

Mind you I can't talk there... haha.

Your husband could purely understand this side of you... My guess is that he does 10 fold, as i bet he is the one who suggested also that you had an obssessive disorder regarding toilet rolls seeing as you live together?

You are a great Mum from what i have read, but you don't want to be a wife, you want to dance in a circle, jump for the moon, experience every type of sexual position feeling that there is, have a drink and laugh, wear sexy clothes, be girly, young, free.

Why don't you firstly see someone regarding "addictive personalities" or read up on it and how to slowly control all addictions to a limit of happiness.

Then, why don't you see if you can remember the begginning with your husband how he "saved you" from things and how intimate you both were then.

Talk to him about this in totality and see if you can gain some of that happiness that you used to have with him ( that's if you didn't just get married to get married ) and actually really loved him then.

Plus whilst your at it tell him "farting" is no longer on, it has to stop, go outside it puts me off you and sex anyways...

I don't think open marriage is your answer, rather the above and if that doesn't work then you simply have lost all love for him and as other's said at the beginning of your thread, you may very well need to let him have what he wants in life and you what you want in life and go it alone.

CW

[maz33]

Ooh CW you're like a wise witch!

You are so right in everything you say and I appreciate and value your opinion.

The excitement has gone out of it for now so who knows, maybe things will gradually get back to normal...? I

Not sure what to do for the best right now...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Ooh CW you're like a wise witch!

You are so right in everything you say and I appreciate and value your opinion.

The excitement has gone out of it for now so who knows, maybe things will gradually get back to normal...? I

Not sure what to do for the best right now...

Take each day as it comes and work towards you, love you for who you are (yuck) only joking and see what you can do with that woman....

[maz33]

1) Sorry Phoebe, I was referring to ILUVHIM's post regarding my child.

2) Re STD's etc- I've always used protection.

3) If we were to divorce my husband would never mention any 'extramarital activities' because he cares about our son as much as I do and wouldn't use him to score points.

4) I have asked my husband to get some help for sexual problems but he doesn't want to.

5) He would never bring a friend or anyone else into our bed because we have a child in the house. If, for arguments sake he did, then I would feel less guilty about any future extramarital sex I was to have.

Didn't mean for this post to sound so 'matter-of-fact', I was just busy and trying to reply quickly. I do appreciate your comments Phoebe

Take each day as it comes and work towards you, love you for who you are (yuck) only joking and see what you can do with that woman....

Maybe I should try and love myself more- someone's gotta do it...
I will start reading up on addictions like you suggest and see if I can make any sense of what this period in my life is all about...

[quote] Plus whilst your at it tell him "farting" is no longer on, it has to stop, go outside it puts me off you and sex anyways... [quote]

Haha not sure this will work but I can but try...yet again

[CHANDLERS WISH]

[quote=maz33;48529]Didn't mean for this post to sound so 'matter-of-fact', I was just busy and trying to reply quickly. I do appreciate your comments Phoebe



Maybe I should try and love myself more- someone's gotta do it...
I will start reading up on addictions like you suggest and see if I can make any sense of what this period in my life is all about...

[quote] Plus whilst your at it tell him "farting" is no longer on, it has to stop, go outside it puts me off you and sex anyways...

Haha not sure this will work but I can but try...yet again

Told you your not alone I have a some what not too bad addictive personality we are all human...... So you can PM with what you read and i can read and we can work it out together, suffer..

And yes, it's a known fact everyone would agree i am sure, learn to love yourself first jump up and down and be happy with you, and then you can give more and receive lots... It just oozes out of you, hard to esplain... Those whom don't accept well what can i say.

And, wondering how long it would take you to read the fart line

hahaha.

Offer is there.

CW