[CHANDLERS WISH]

Grrrrrrrr, lol, that's all I just read then!

Amber, don't equate time phrames to when you sleep with the next man in your life.

I say this because, it's not about how many dates you have before you sleep with them, it's about how connected you are and how you feel for each other and the next step in your lives.

It may be 4 months, 6, or it may be 1 month.. You will know, the spark will be real between both of you. Your not 18 after all and have to prove a point of virginity with men. All they care about is that you didn't sleep with them the first time, that makes them realise that when you do, it's special and it's because you like them and are falling for them and not a girl who sleeps around

CW

[Amber]

Grrrrrrrr, lol, that's all I just read then!

Amber, don't equate time phrames to when you sleep with the next man in your life.

I say this because, it's not about how many dates you have before you sleep with them, it's about how connected you are and how you feel for each other and the next step in your lives.

It may be 4 months, 6, or it may be 1 month.. You will know, the spark will be real between both of you. Your not 18 after all and have to prove a point of virginity with men. All they care about is that you didn't sleep with them the first time, that makes them realise that when you do, it's special and it's because you like them and are falling for them and not a girl who sleeps around

CW

CW, trust me, I'm liking everything you are saying. The thought of having sex with a guy because we have had a few dates, scares me to death actually. I want it to be when I feel comfortable and not before. That is definitely how I want it. But I'm afraid of how guys see it. Will they want to wait? It is safe to say he is not worth it, if he won't wait? Or should I have to expect that these guys have needs and it is not fair to make them wait until I'm really comfortable with him? The thought of giving myself to some guy just because three or four dates has past but before I'm ready, actually makes me feel sick to my stomach.

[Texinator]

Tex, I probably should have you shot for using that d word.

Well, if you shoot me, you'll have to nurse me back to health as well.

I knew a guy was coming along but it wasn't gonna be a romantic thing, therefore I said 'date' with quotation marks. (Ok, Ok, technically apostrophes, dunno why I don't use proper quotes )

Anywho, don't try to overanalyze things and worry so much about the future. The right time to have sex with someone is when you feel ready. Don't matter if its the first date or the tenth.

Yeah, guys have needs too, but if he cares enough then he'll be understanding. And if he decides his needs are the priority, then it just wasn't meant to be. Don't be pressured into sex cause you'll only end up regretting it.

[mr.mansview]

CW, trust me, I'm liking everything you are saying. The thought of having sex with a guy because we have had a few dates, scares me to death actually. I want it to be when I feel comfortable and not before. That is definitely how I want it. But I'm afraid of how guys see it. Will they want to wait? It is safe to say he is not worth it, if he won't wait? Or should I have to expect that these guys have needs and it is not fair to make them wait until I'm really comfortable with him? The thought of giving myself to some guy just because three or four dates has past but before I'm ready, actually makes me feel sick to my stomach.

tex is right amber..if the right guy comes you will know it because he will wait until you are ready..a guy who pressures you into giving it up is thinking only of his own satisfaction..you don't want him..i can somewhat understand your dilema..i've had gf's in the past who by the 2nd or 3rd date tell me that they want sex..are they programmed that men are expecting it by then, or are they just out for their own gratification..they are shocked when i tell them I'M not ready..

take it slow when you do find a man of interest..if he truly likes you he will respect you for it

[Amber]

Well, at least it is good to know that I don't have to give in, just to hold on to a guy. I would rather wait until I feel close and comfortable with the guy, who ever he turns out to be.

[Texinator]

If I was going on dates with someone and I barely knew the person or not at all before the first date, I wouldn't want to be jumping into bed with them by the third or fourth date either. Building up that emotional connection requires some time. Otherwise sex is little more than a physical exercise.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Building up that emotional connection requires some time. Otherwise sex is little more than a physical exercise.

What he said

What, I am saying is that "don't put a time limit on it", you will know if it is purely chemistry between both, or there is a definate bond, emotional connection, as the men say, they will wait, for something like that, if that's how it pans out.. Just don't put a time, the time is when it "feels right".

CW

[Amber]

I saw my sex therapist today. She was ok with me trying to starting using my toys. I have never used them yet. I think I would like to start watching some of those movies before I actually bring them out but we shall see.

I know it is not just going to happen but I need to start trying.

I just thought of something. I need to check if my magic wand and the other one is run by battery or crazy enough, if it has a plug. I never really looked at it yet. If batteries, I need to get some.

[Amber]

As I already knew, my therapist said I really should learn how to have an orgasm before I be with the next guy. Or at least be able to handle when he touches me down there. In the past, when I was touched there, it only made me feel agitated.

I know I need to be relaxed and I will try the movies or maybe even some books, but I also know in the beginning, I'm going to be looking for my reactions and not be completely relaxed. I will be pressuring myself to do it because I know I have to get over this before I can ever have a normal relationship. I have to somehow get out of this, I have to get this right mode, or it will ever happen.

I know a lot of the pressure I'm putting on myself has to stem with my desire to find that right guy. After having a taste of what it was like to have a boyfriend, and then loose it, makes me want it again. But I can't be in a relationship until I get myself straightened out. I know that. I feel like some kind of freak. 36 years old and I'm a basketcase when it comes to sex. I have never been turned on enough that I have noticed. It just really all sucks!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, and it doesn't help that, that time of the month just came. That is where some of this basketcase feeling is coming from but not all of it. Not all of it is my hormones talking.

[Amber]

Saw a girlfriend tonight who asked how I was doing. She knew my ex and that i broke up with him. I had drank a glass and a half of martini tonight but trust me the effects of it are long gone. Now I'm just left with feeling depressed and totally ****ed off!!!!! Not as my friend but at my ex.

She said my ex was the last good catch out there. I won't even think that way because then I'm screwed because he is obviously long gone.There has to be other guys out there. Good catch, my a*s!!! His profession, in itself, makes you know that he has some brains up there. But then there is another part of him. The part of him that is just so plain stupid!! He is pathetically STUPID!!! Stupid to believe that I could not be attracted to him. He says I'm pretty. Yah, so what. I guess guys consider me that. Whatever. And because of that I can't be attracted to him? Well, that is just plain pathetically stupid. I'm attracted to him but he refused to see it. I didn't have chemistry for him. Well, I proved to him what the problem was of that but he was too pathetically pigheaded and stupid not to listen to the facts. He refuse to listen. I'm not good enough for him. He doesn't want anything to do with me. And then there are all the issues he has. The ones, after four and a half months, after he steals my heart, he doesn't even have the decency to fill me in on what is breaking us up. He says it is him and not me. If it is him, then can't he even tell me why he is ending it! Once he finds one problem, he finds ten more? Huh? It is self asteme issues but what else. I'm guessing there is more to it but I don't know. No, that would have been too good of him to tell me. No just dump me and smash my heart into a million pieces and put me through living he*l. He doesn't give a dam!! I would like to understand but how can I if he never filled me in.

If he was here right now, I would rip all of his clothes off and show him how attracted I am to him. And I'm not just saying that, I mean it!!!! Why did he have to be so STUPID!!!!!! Even though I'm so ****ed off at him, I still miss him. I can't help it. My therapist said it is natural. It takes time. He was my first love, after all.

I know talking like this does me no good but I needed to get it out. I'm sick and tired of holding it in. So now what. Well, I continue to move on, as I have been doing. And do my best to forget about my stupid ex!!! I have no other choice. I haven't got around to trying out my toys yet. It is that time of the month, and though orgasims are suppose to help relieve craps, when I know I'm not going to accomplish one that quickly, I'm not in the mood to try when I'm cramping.

Tonight I was out. Tomorrow afternoon, I'm going to a bar with friends to watch the Patriots game. Afterwards, I will go home and get down to business!!! Officer and a Gentleman doesn't come from Netflex until Monday. Thornbirds, I'm getting from the library and probably won't come until mid week anyways. I'll go on Netflex and see what I can dig up. Just start watching some movies, see if I can get into it, and see what happens. Probably nothing but who knows. It will probably leave me feeling depressed that they caught the guy and i didn't. I'll make sure to dig out the wine. I'll definitely need that. I have a book coming Monday that the therapist suggested and a few romance books another friend recommended. Who knows what will work but I need to try. I can't imagine what it will feel like if I get any kind of reaction. And I'm just talking about being turned on, not even the orgasm part. That will probably be insane by the time that happens!!!!!

I have had enough of ranting and raving. I'm going to bed. I have to get up earlier than I usually do tomorrow. Life sucks but I have no choice but to move on.