[Amber]

Just found out that that guy who didn't want to do just emailing, is going to be at the same event that I'm going tomorrow evening. I'm going to see Avatar. The tickets are sold out. I hope he didn't buy his in time. Sorry, but I can't deal with this guy tomorrow!!!!!!

Snow is coming tomorrow. It had better not ruin my plans tomorrow night!

[Amber]

Just thought of something my ex mentioned in an email the other day before I talked to him on the phone. He said that maybe part of the reason why I'm finding it so hard to get over him was because my chance of moving out of my parents home has now gone down the drain.

I forgot to address this to him but no way on earth does it have to do anything with that. I didn't see him as my mail ticket out of the door. Yes, I did mention before that maybe I would end up moving in with a guy but it wasn't my reason to find a guy. It was him himself I didn't want to give up. Yes, I would like to move out but can't afford it right now. And even though it does stink at times, I'm fine here for the time being. I'm not heartbroken that my ex is no longer going to rescue me out of it and I lost a chance for my freedom. I'm heartbroken because it is him, period, that I have lost. Just something I felt like getting off my chest.

[mr.mansview]

i think you did the right thing by staying put amber..others here have also felt "pressured" to move out and into an environment perhaps before they were ready..what happens if you move in with a boy and it doesn't work out..then you are at square one or worse..would your parents take you back in or would you then be on your own?..sometimes the logical choice isn't always the easiest one..

[Amber]

i think you did the right thing by staying put amber..others here have also felt "pressured" to move out and into an environment perhaps before they were ready..what happens if you move in with a boy and it doesn't work out..then you are at square one or worse..would your parents take you back in or would you then be on your own?..sometimes the logical choice isn't always the easiest one..

Doc, I agree with you.



I think my ex was trying to figure out why loosing him was hitting me so hard. And that is one of the ideas he came up with, maybe that it felt like to me that I was loosing my ticket to freedom. Well, he was wrong because I didn't care about that freedom. That is not how I felt. I didn't want to loose him, not the freedom he might be able to offer.

I can't afford to have my own place right now so I'm staying put where I am. My parents are not trying to push me out the door so it's not like I'm feeling I have to find a guy to get out of there because I can't afford it otherwise. I mentioned in that long post that that is what I was thinking before I got laid off. But back then I was desperate to find that guy and get a ring on my finger.

But my life has changed a lot in the last year and I have come to accept that life is not like that. Well, at least for me I don't want it like that. I'm in no hurry. I have realized that I want to just enjoy the journey and not focus on the destination, as my fwb friend taught me. I'm looking for the guy to have a serious relationship with but no more than that for a while. In other words it doesn't need to include moving in with him and it definitely doesn't include a ring. Settling down is my final destination but I'm not looking for that any time soon.

I think the reason I don't feel like I'm in such a hurry anymore is because I'm not so sure children will really be in my future. I would like a child but it is not a definitely for me anymore. Maybe because I know my clock is ticking and I may need to face reality that it may stop before I find that right guy. And that right guy is what I really want. Or that right guy may not want children and I'm at the point in my life, that I may decide that the guy is enough for me.

Eventually I'll get my own place but only when I'm definitely stabled and I can afford it. I'm not going to find a job and then a few weeks later, I find my own place. Not in this economy. I need to feel secure in my job before I think of finding my own place. And unfortunately, I also have to consider that I may have to take a pay cut in order just to get a job because this economy stinks and it may be the only way to get one. Then I will be even less able to afford a place of my own than before. I would need to wait until I can afford it. I'm not going to move into my own place, just to say I have my own place and have to live in a lousy area. Because that is how you find the cheap places where I live, in the dangerous parts of town.

[Amber]

I found out that Britney Murphy died tonight. Something like that just freaks me out. She was only 32 years old. It reminds you how fragile life is and how easy it could be over. It makes me all the more anxious for me to find that right guy. Once again not saying marriage but I really want to find the guy. I want to know what it feels like to fall in love and have the guy love you in return. I have never had that before.

[Amber]

Got the kegelmaster in the mail today. I'm definitely not in the mood to put something cold and unhuman up in my privates today.

I don't know. I just feel even more down than lately today. Don't know why. It feels more like when I have PMS but it is definitely not that. I just want to cry and even though I'm still down about my ex, I haven't had some kind of good memory that would really trigger the crying. He did email me today about a job position but that wouldn't be the problem. It is not like he was out of my mind and it made me think of him. I'm not sure he is ever really out of my mind lately.

Maybe seeing Avatar was too much of a high yesterday and now crashing down to earth just reminds me how much reality really sucks!!!

[Amber]

Tried to start to read Like Water for Chocolate but the hot coco laced quite nicely with the coconut rum is not letting me. So I changed to an erotic romance book I picked up. Yep, that one I should be able to handle right now.

[Amber]

Actually a shot of rum did nicely to warm me. I guess when I get rum drinks in a bar they are skimping on their rum. Aside from the mia tia,when they have no choice, since they need to add so many types of rum into it.

I wonder how coconut rum in coffee taste when my parents go to my grandparents house on Wednesday. I need something to relax me, to get me in the mood to play and it is too early for wine you know. We have the gold rum also.

I'm not sure I'm in the mood to pull on the toys tonight.

[Amber]

Don't focus on the sex, focus on the setting, on how the scene starts. Be creative - find out what sorts of thoughts you find enjoyable. I think you need to find the mental image first, before worrying about the physical

Secret agent seducing a guard.

Young heiress arranging a clandestine meeting with the house servant she really loves. (or reverse the roles)

Captured by barbarians.

Harem girl trying to please the sultan

Princess and her slave(s)

Lovers on a private yacht.

Quick sex with a stranger in an airplane restroom.


The thing about fantasy is that it can be anything you want with no embarrassment, and no one else knowing what you are thinking.

rcoreyus, I have to think about this one.

[Amber]

WC, so far I'm loving the book Like Water for Chocolate.

The mother, I want to strangle her. Not allowing the youngest daughter to marry. No she has to stay and take care of her for the rest of her life. And to make it even worse, marry off the man she loves to her sister. And they are living in the same house!!

I'm at the part that her blood is drawn by the thorns of the roses she is holding too hard, because she is crying so hard. The roses given to her by Pedro, who her mother forces her to give up. Instead she makes the rose flavor quail dish from the roses with her blood getting into it. After eating it Pedro gets a hot, pleasureful, sensuous feeling from her blood entering him. It is part of her that is entering him. And her sister is getting horny from it. So it backfires on the mother after all.

WC, what other meaning am I missing from this scene?