[Amber]

My father ended up staying home today. He was complaining of a sore throat. Knowing him it was his way of getting out of going to my grandparents house because he hates going over there. It would be something typical he would do. Doesn't matter, maybe I'll do something tonight, if I can get in the mood.

Right now my mood is shot. I thought wrapping presents might get me in the Christmas mood. Not why I did it. I had to do it but still. Nope, it backfired. Instead it made me feel even more depressed. Nothing at all to do with the gift giving part. Nope, it reminded me of how Christmas will be. I'm always the one who is without someone special but this year is going to be ten times worse. I know i'm not going to be able to stop thinking about him. I could drink myself into a stupor on Christmas day but then that won't do me any good. Because it will wear off by late evening and then I will have that time to remember. I want to go out to the movies with friends, praying I will be able to keep my mind on the movie. So during the day, I have to fake that I'm happy and do my best not to think of him. In some ways, keeping it in and pretending that I'm happy is all the worse. But neither my mother or sister has ever gone through heartbreak so they have no idea what this is like. Nope, I have to pretend like he is the farthest thing from my mind and all is stinking merry. If only that could be true.

Why can't it be me who is kissed under the mistletoe this year. Every year it never is.

[Amber]

Me too Gigi. If the guy just said I'll be off the next few days because of Christmas plans, I would have been like, that's cool! Have fun and we'll miss you. But instead he just stopping posting and is gone without a word. Can't help but wonder.

But he is probably just like any other guy, didn't even think of doing something as simple like that. And he is having fun somewhere spending the holidays. So that is why when he gets back, he is going to get a major dope slap from me!!!!! And maybe, and only if he kiss butts enough, I'll squeeze a hug in there.

[WildChild]

Oh, I've never been kissed under the mistletoe either. Believe me it's better to be alone than to settle or be with someone uncaring and all wrong for you. You have two choices, wallow and be a martyr or get off your fanny, make a plan and get on with it!

I'm going to hand you some tough love.


You've taken the bull by the horns so to speak by educating yourself about sexuality, seeing a sex therapist and working toward becoming orgasmic. That's fantastic but It's not enough.

What kind of life do you want?
What are you going to do to get it?

No man can hand it to you, this is something you need to do.
You are looking at 40 without having lived on your own, that was fine in this country once and still is in countries where women are chattle - bought and sold essentially in marriage. Regardless of the reasons, this will give most men pause, do you want to attract the kind of man who expects to control you and call all the shots? In all probability that is what you will get if you get into a relationship at this point. Being orgasmic is important for your well being and a huge bonus in a relationship but it isn't enough.
Play along here: you have to plan a wonderful life for yourself, without a man in the picture.
What will your life look like?
What kind of work do you want to do?
Where do you want to live?
What will your home look like?
What kind of transportation will you have?
Do you want to travel?
Where to?
What hobbies or activities would you be part of?

Write it all out. Be stretchingly realistic.
Now how are you going to get there. Find ways to, not reasons not to. All the injury/surgery stuff is over, it's time to move on and get with the program.
Do you need more education to get where you want to be? How will you get it While you are working at some kind of a job? Yes, the economy is tough but right now you don't have a house payment or utilities bills, you can afford to take any work you can find and you need to do that. Find one job and then keep looking for something better, while you get what training or education you need to do something that is more what you want.
You aren't likely to just walk out and land the plum that will make you independent, living your dream lifestyle. And when you move out it may be into a studio apartment. just plan on making it as cute and comfortable as you can. You may have to use the bus until you can afford to support a car.

You Need to learn to be independent. Complaining about your parents while you are living with them is not productive. My kids know that as long as I have a roof over my head they will have one over theirs. My family was of the when you are 18 you are out the door school, I don't support that at all. But it would take extreme circumstances for me to be supporting my kids into their 30s and beyond. I understand that you had health problems from injury and that your mother has been a force in limiting you but you have to live your life. That means making mistakes, getting hurt, dealing with hearbreak - it's all part of it. It also means finding your own place in the world, experiencing joy, exploring new possibilities and pick yourself up when you fall.

Why not make this coming year, Your year to change your life? You can't start 10 years ago you can only start now. You can do this!! You have it in you to. You decided to become orgasmic and I believe you will do it and that was a real first step. Don't stop with one step!!! Own your life!

[WildChild]

WC, so far I'm loving the book Like Water for Chocolate.

The mother, I want to strangle her. Not allowing the youngest daughter to marry. No she has to stay and take care of her for the rest of her life. And to make it even worse, marry off the man she loves to her sister. And they are living in the same house!!

I'm at the part that her blood is drawn by the thorns of the roses she is holding too hard, because she is crying so hard. The roses given to her by Pedro, who her mother forces her to give up. Instead she makes the rose flavor quail dish from the roses with her blood getting into it. After eating it Pedro gets a hot, pleasureful, sensuous feeling from her blood entering him. It is part of her that is entering him. And her sister is getting horny from it. So it backfires on the mother after all.

WC, what other meaning am I missing from this scene?

Her emotions effect and drive everyone around her. She has far more power than she believes herself to have. It is all sensuality and connection. Eating well prepared food is a sensual experience, in this case eating crosses the line to orgasm and the soul.

I found it an amazing story.

[Texinator]

Ok Tex, where are you????!!!

Peekaboo!

[Amber]

WC, the job that I had kept for the last ten years is hard to find so just recently I have finally accepted the fact that I need to do another profession I don't want to just to find work. Having made that decision, I'm waiting for a friend to give me the software I need to train for that job. Won't take long at all. Just need some brush up on skills to do. I will get that at the end of the week. If everything goes well, I will be looking for that less desirable job next week. I will keep applying for the jobs and seeing what I can do to find connections within those companies.

Once I find that job, then it depends on the salary if moving out is possible. Even a studio apartment is not cheap where I live. If I want to go for less cheap, yep I can live in the worse areas. But then you are looking at every day shootings, mugging, and rape. Not something I want to add to my first times on my list. And I'm not kidding on that one. Turn on the news and it is right there. So where I pick has to be in a safe area. Once again I have to make sure I can afford it. With the salary I was getting right before I got laid off, I could have made it barely. But I'm going away from that occupation because there is nothing out there in that and turning to a more popular one. But there is a good chance, that will pay less money. So then it is worse than before. if you don't have a room mate or a job that pays very good money, living on your own is tough now a days. People have friends to roommate with, who are not married. I don't have any close friends like that and I'm not about to take a chance of finding some stranger who turns out to be a psycho. Even though I complain about living at home at times, I close my bedroom door and just deal with it.

I also have to worry about if the next job I get, because i'm low man on the totem pole, will I be the first one to get laid off when the economy doesn't improve. So going out there, right off the bat, and signing a lease for a place, is insane at the moment. Because then I will be on the streets once I get kicked out for not paying the rent. The other option would be for Mom to pay my rent. That obviously is a big no no!!

I wish life was so simple but it is not. I know my life need to change. The first thing will be the job that i'm trying to get. After that, every thing is in the air.

[Amber]

Her emotions effect and drive everyone around her. She has far more power than she believes herself to have. It is all sensuality and connection. Eating well prepared food is a sensual experience, in this case eating crosses the line to orgasm and the soul.

I found it an amazing story.

I'm only half way through but so far I'm enjoying it. Thanks for recommending it!

[Amber]

If anyone thinks I'm living at home because I enjoy it is crazy. I hate it but I can't afford it otherwise. I would need a roommate in order to afford it. I remember when my dancing friends would tell me I should move out, i would ask them if they had any friends looking for a roommate, i always got silence. Oh, it is so easy to say you need to move out but if the money is not there, it is not going to happen.

I need to see what my next salary will look like. I would love to move out but I honestly don't think I could afford it. I would definitely have to have a cat. I'm the type who is not good at living completely alone. I would need something to keep me from being completely lonely.

[Amber]

Well, after a hot coco and rum, I escaped to my room. Put on Celine Dion's Christmas cd on the IPod. Told my mother i'm going to listen to music. I got to that point again but no farther. The only difference may be the sudden heat surge in my face. I don't think I was relaxed enough to get any further. This time I was running on just fantasy and the music, nothing else.

I was tempted to do a rum shot over here but decided against it. I don't want my mother to question me drinking anymore alcohol so I will wait until later on tonight and if I still feel like it, try again.

[Texinator]

Maybe just forget about all the preparations, just grab a toy and have at it, and see what happens?