[Texinator]

Look at it this way. Either he wants to stay with you, and then you get to keep all the good things the two of you share. Or he wants to break up with you, in which case it might as well be now instead of in a month or a year and then you can just focus on yourself for a while. Something positive is going to come out of your meeting regardless.

[Amber]

Tex, I just wish it wasn't over four months long. To some that may not seem long, but to me it was. It was enough for me to grow some feelings for him. I wish I had found out much sooner.

Well, less than a half of an hour to go. I'm now thinking that he picked some place so close to home because he didn't want me to have to drive far while I'm upset. I'm trying to stay positive but I can't help it.

Well, I guess in the next few months have to learn how to relax and masterbate. Wow, I never thought I would be saying something like that. lol But I'm learning it should have happened years ago!!!

[Texinator]

How did it go, Amber?

[Amber]

Tex, it's sort of complicated I guess. We actually went into the place. I didn't think we would. I think he came in there to break it off for good but it didn't end that way. At first he was ready to break it off. He said only about twenty percent of it had to do with the chemistry bit but 80 percent has to do with himself. He said he has to find himself. I guess there are things he has to work out with himself. It was hard to get out exactly what he meant by that but I did get some. Even though it had been over for a year and a half since he ended it with his ex, she still sort of had an influence on him until she just recently moved out. I'm not sure influence is the exact word but she was good at putting him down, harping on his weaknesses.

He said something once in the bedroom when we were just talking afterwards. Something like he has insecurities. But he said is so quickly and quietly that I didn't catch it. And then he wouldn't tell me what he meant and I didn't want to push him. But I always had a feeling there was something there. I sensed that he didn't liked himself physically. And I found out one of the reasons why it did bother him so much about the kissing is because he thought the reason why I didn't feel something was because he wasn't attractive enough. He is no Matthew McConauhey but he is pretty cute. Yes, he has a paunch to his stomach but it is not that bad. But he doesn't see himself that way. There may be other insecurities but he woudn't name them. I always had feeling that he felt that way from that comment in bed but also because of a quote he has in his favorite quote section of Facebook.

I am not handsome or sexy. Of course, it's not like I am hopeless - Keanu Reeves

And unfortunately, I'm completely lousy in showing how he attracts me. But that is because I'm usually too tense so that will change.

So he needs to take a break from me to find himself so I can have him whole, as he puts it. At first it was a break it off completly, but the more I talked, it slowly went from completely, to some time apart but don't know how much, to I don't want to loose complete contact with you. And then I made some comment much later on during the night, that now I'm stuck spending Christmas eve with my brother (who is the black sheep) because I will no longer be spending it with his side, and he made a comment, well who knows that is a few months away.

So he has no clue how long but I don't think he is gone for good. I say I don't think because you never really know what he will learn or how he will change when he is finding himself.

As much as I tried, I failed miserable on the no crying part. But I could tell from everything that was happening, it was tearing him apart inside also. At times he got chocked up or I did see tears in his eyes. He told me that he does care for me. He made sure I knew it and it wasn't just my body he wanted. And he didn't completely blame me of thinking that yesterday. I knew he couldn't say that he loved me but that is ok because I know he wasn't ready for that and I was fine with that. I had just very recently admit that to myself that I was in love with him. So the guy that I believed him to be was still in there but he is sort of messed up right now.

When I asked him, I got him to admit that he would be ok with me not being able to feel the kissing if it turns out that I can't. His insecurity got him to believe that no feeling meant I wasn't attracted to him. I told him otherwise on that one.

As for him saying he wants to stay in contact him, I told him that he had to be the one to control that because he was the one asking for the space. So from time to time, he'll email but that is all it would be right now. That is much better than nothing.

We spent around three hours in Dunkin Donuts just talking. He was holding and playing my hand and didn't want to let it go. Afterwards we took it to his backseat where he just held me close to him. We talked a little but alot of it was just silence and it felt right. It felt like how it use to be before we went to his house. But then I would remember suddenly that it wasn't going to stay that way and the tears would start to come a little again. I couldn't help myself. i didn't want to let him go. Around 9pm he said he did need to get going. But I could tell when he didn't make a move, that I had to be the one to make the move out of the car. It wasn't easy but after about ten minutes later, I knew it was never going to be easy. I had the keys out in my hand for about five minutes and then I suddenly just opened the door and got out, closing it quickly behind me. I wouldn't look at him, knowing if I did I wouldn't be able to leave.

So it was much better than I hoped, but there is no guarantee when or if I'll see him again. I guess I just have to trust him that he will come back. I could look for someone else but right now I don't want to. I want to wait. But it still seems like it is a bad dream that I won't be seeing his any time soon and I will wake up with everything back to normal. But it doesn't work that way.

So I have to concentrate on the therapy and learn how to masterbate. That still sounds so strange to me, thinking I would never be saying that!!

[WildChild]

Well at least you know, you've heard him and you know what you want to do for yourself.

[Texinator]

So I have to concentrate on the therapy and learn how to masterbate. That still sounds so strange to me, thinking I would never be saying that!!

School is now in session!

[Guest]

Thanks OhThereYouAre!

My very first toy just came. The Eroscillator 2 Plus and a free mini lighted vibes.

If there is any toy I would recommend using, it would be the eroscillator.

If I remember correctly, the action of that toy isn't vibration, rather a repetitive motion, which mimics human contact moreso than a regular vibe.

You're off to a good start.

[Amber]

I think that sounds right OhThereYouAre. I remember they said it was different that other vibrators but why I especially picked it was because from the description I could tell it was tamer than the Magic Wand I got also. I wanted to try a really powerful one and then one a little less tamer.

If anything textbook work only in school today. It is my first heavy day of that time of the month.

I guess that is a question. People don't do it during their period do they? I'm cramping right now, so I'm definitely not doing it today but I was wondering about that.

[Guest]

I think that sounds right OhThereYouAre. I remember they said it was different that other vibrators but why I especially picked it was because from the description I could tell it was tamer than the Magic Wand I got also. I wanted to try a really powerful one and then one a little less tamer.

If anything textbook work only in school today. It is my first heavy day of that time of the month.

I guess that is a question. People don't do it during their period do they? I'm cramping right now, so I'm definitely not doing it today but I was wondering about that.

Yes - i'm sure you could break the concrete foundation to your house with your magic wand. I'd hold out on that, lol.

People do it anytime they feel in the mood to do so. I know women who use their vibrators or masturbate while they are on their period. It's really your choice.

I'd say try when you are feeling in the mood, though. If you are worried about your flow, that may make it hard to get truly into it.

Good luck.

[WildChild]

That's what red towels are for.
Actually orgasming can relieve cramping. Some women really enjoy sex when on their period, others aren't comfortable with it - the same os true of men. Some just won't go there, others don't really care.