[sourpuss]

Too bad things like false advertisement and bait and switch are not illegal when it comes to relationships..

True! If it were, every one of the guys I've dated would be guilty.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Absoutely, people are on their best behaviour at the beginning but they do exactly what Tex said, revert back to exactly who they are.

Your "assuming" that from his point of view your clingy and needy. He should have a real indication of your personality after 4 months, to know that it's you, your personality and women in general are touchy feely, they are usually not "cold", rather "hot" As, you should have a real indication as to what he is really like...

Ultimately, as well, you need to communicate this... "You know I am an affectionate sort of person, and actually it's those little things from both of us in this department (outside of the bedroom), that keeps a spark alive... So where's my cuddle?"

There are ways of getting communication over without going into the blame game or the in-security side, showing something that you know your not...

I think we have to show strength these days, and always let our partners know "who we are"...

We're not teenagers anymore, we're Adults playing in an Adult world and if we can't communicate and have that understood and compromised, or accepted, then we are with the wrong partner, in which case, better to know early than to sit back for 2 years, professing love, when we knew from the inset we couldn't "marry" our personalities from the beginning.

Thereby settling into a relationship that is inevitably going to fail further down the track, too many people "assume" we can "change" a person...

Be light-hearted perhaps and make a simular comment to the one I wrote and see if that makes a change or not...

If you get into a rut that early it is either because you can't communicate and grow together, or you shy away from doing so, or the other party isn't listening and doesn't want to agree or feel what your feeling...

The only way to find out is to communicate it

CW

[Mes T]

YES! You guys are right on the money, false advertising! How frustrating. It irritates me that he can just completely drop all those wonderful things I loved about him from the beginning and assume I'll still stick around. Right now I feel kind of like I've been abandoned and am twirling around in one place trying to find what I've lost.

I did ask him once, in a very light-hearted way, if my "affection" bothers him. He laughed and said no, but I wouldn't put it past him to tell a white lie. He's done so numerous times in the past... "Oh yes dear I like this food, oh don't worry your friends don't annoy me..." All lies.

Sigh. Sigh!

[Guest]

ok, so what ya thinking ya gonna do about it? hang on or move on?

[Mes T]

Well... I dunno! Weigh the pros and cons I guess?

He's got a few pros that are really awesome and that I haven't been fortunate enough to experience before. For example his parents don't automatically hate me, he's got some good values, and he seems loyal...

Okay now that I think about it, maybe there are other guys out there who also have those qualities...?? I've just had bad experiences. And I'm pretty disenchanted at the moment with this relationship. The only thing is that I HAVEN'T sat down and put it all out on the table, so there's a chance that he might be receptive to what I say...

[Mes T]

Whoops, my weird internet connection made me double post, sorry.

[Guest]

ok here's a suggestion then. take a pad of paper and write down all of the pros on it. take another piece of paper and write down all of the cons. put the papers down on a table side by side and read through them.

then throw the papers out, because it either feels right or it doesnt!

if you have to write things down to convince yourself to do something, then all you are doing is trying to convince yourself into a poor choice and something that it isnt right.

[Texinator]

Okay now that I think about it, maybe there are other guys out there who also have those qualities...??

Sounds like the previous relationships haven't been the best.There are plenty of men out there with good values and loyalty, and I don't know why anybody's parents should hate you in the first place.

[kygirl]

ok here's a suggestion then. take a pad of paper and write down all of the pros on it. take another piece of paper and write down all of the cons. put the papers down on a table side by side and read through them.

then throw the papers out, because it either feels right or it doesnt!

if you have to write things down to convince yourself to do something, then all you are doing is trying to convince yourself into a poor choice and something that it isnt right.

I kinda agree with Sperosi... You can weigh the pros and cons but ultimately, that stuff is just words on paper. How things look on paper are usually not a good indication of those things that really matter when love is involved. I've dated a lot of guys that looked good on paper

[eej]

to be blunt about it

If it really bothers you that much break up with him. You have only been together for four months. However, any male will tell you they like the chase. If you give them everything that quickly then it's bound to get boring sooner. Since everything moved so quickly it sounds like your relationship was very physical. If you have enough in common and enough to talk about you don't have to do everything so fast to keep things exciting. You complain that he's only intimate when it ends up in sex. Why wouldn't he be? You did things so quickly that to him it probably didn't seem like the cuddly romantic stuff mattered too much. So for him being intimate without having sex is just back tracking. You have to give the guy time to "woo" you I guess. It will give you more time to get to know each other and he'll respect you more. Plus it's more exciting for him, like I said, they like a challange. That way you can find out if your attraction is more than just purely physical. Someone who gives up right away isn't gonna stick around for a relationship. I understand how he thinks you're being clingy. It has to be confusing when things go from hot and heavy to "let's cuddle". That wasn't the impression you gave to begin with so you can't really expect him to follow. But like I said, if it bothers you that much break up with him. It's only been 4 months and this is a relationship you chose to be in, if it's causing you this much stress maybe you should choose not to be in it.
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