[hizenberg]

I have just read another post, and again another women upset and questioning wether or not it is ok to feel upset by their partner looking at naked pictures of women,and i got to thinking there are so many of us out ther who feel upset and cant understand why our men do it.And sure enough you have people saying 'its your self esteem??''or your own insecurties??' or 'do you feel appreiciated??,is your sexlife good??' blah blah blah etc. So most of us first end up looking within ourselfs to see if we can find the issue, and when that doesnt work what next?? The emotional side of it is just as bad as in a physical way. I mean if its not an insecurity,or your sex life and and all areas coverd what is it then?? Why do most of us women hate it or feel upset to our men watching porn or looking at naked pictures of women?? Society has made it so that its a mans (a man thing) 'mantality' to look at porn and pics etc and that its 'ok' for them to do so,but the more we ask them for an resonable excuse, the more i see there is no excuse.I mean comeon, how many of us women run into the bathroom,or wait till our mans in bed to'get a release' from porn or pics of naked men because its 'ok to do so,as its not cheating,and i've been so under pressure at work' When somone looks at porn they are visualizing that persons body and genitals and most likley wanting that persons body/genitals in a sexual way. So who can tell me that is ok,and that it is not cheating. Yeah Yeah most will say each to their own and all,and no i feel no need to look at another penis or sex act as i can get the real thing with my man (if i have one) Yeah sure enough if your single,go for it if it tickles your fancy,but what about in a relationship??? Is it being unfaithful?? Why dont people agree with the emotional aspect here of cheating???

[hizenberg]

i am not a prude and dont mind it, i just can fathom how we have come to be so accepting of it.

[jns]

Sex permeates society to a very high degrees because businesses have found that sex sells. Sometimes they target women, sometimes men and sometimes both. When all of these messages wind people up, is it possible for them to just shrug them off and only think of their SO? The answer is yes, if they are totally in love. Another way to handle this is to move somewhere without all of these messages or exhibit strong self control. Get rid of the TV and the internet. Out goes the cell phone. Move to a less developed country.Why do men and women know about female orgasms? Mostly from TV and magazines. Why do many men and women believe big breasts on women are better? Because of societal indoctrination.

[Mes T]

I think not all men fall into the trap of being enticed by naked pictures of other women. My boyfriend doesn't care for them, like I don't care for pics of naked men. However people like that seem to be hard to find, eh.

Anyway I dunno that doesn't really answer any of your questions, I was just rambling. I think it's a little extreme to say that looking at pictures is "unfaithful." Tactless, maybe. Inconsiderate, for sure.

[PandaPaws]

I agree with the OP. And yes, I think it is a form of being unfaithful. It's emotional, and it's a sexual act in which you are fantasizing about someone other than your partner. Is it as bad as doing it in real life? Of course not. But if you're really totally in love with someone, I don't understand the need to look at someone else to "get off." I would feel guilty! Like I was cheating.
It is ridiculous how society has tried to make it so this is 'normal' for men, and that women just need to accept it. BS! Someone once brought up the point on here, that if men need visual stimulation, hence the porn, and women are more emotional - would it be okay for women to run around and have all kinds of emotional relationships with other men? Why not? Isn't that just how women are? Total. Double. Standard.
And I agree, that came from, "sex sells." I mean really, in ANY movie or TV show marketed towards men, whether there is a need for it or not, they just throw in some random naked women.
If you're single and you want to oogle all over porn, fine. But when in a relationship, you already have someone to oogle over in person.
And yes, often times I DO wish I lived in a simpler era... as long as I had flushing toilets and electricity

[Hopeless Dork]

The more and more I deal with this issue in my own relationship... the more detached I feel from my boyfriend. Everytime I see he's been looking up pictures of other naked chicks.. a part of what I felt for him just seems to slip away from me. I use to get me feelings hurt, feel bad about myself, wonder if I was good enough and try to get him to explain to me how I could be good enough if he needs to look at other girls for sexual visual stimulation. My only reasons I can come up with is he's bored with what he has, he doesn't appreciate what he has, or feels entitled to more than I am.

I've asked him time and again to explain how its none of those things, which he always says its not, but his failure to be to able to come up with 'what it is' if he is so clear on whats its not.. leaves me with my suspicions of him just wanting more than he has in tact.

I love my boyfriend very much, I'm faithful to my core.. but every time I see he's been looking up pictures of other girls I get an instinctual gut reaction that makes me feel like I should NOT be faithful anymore, though I've yet to act on it. He knows I get my feelings hurt about it... especially when I do everything under the sun for him sexually. There is never a boner that isn't addressed in a satisfactory way, theres no act I refuse to perform, I give him plenty of visual 'materials' of me, from pictures to videos to live performances he can recall on when he needs some inspiration -- but alas none of that seems to be 'good enough' because he will still occasionally look at other girls pictures.

Before when guys would flirt with me, hit on me, check me out... It would go in one ear and out the other.. I could careless. But when I've seen that my guy is needing more than me it puts me in an insecure state where in all honesty I pay a lot more attention to the guys paying attention to me because of a need he has created in me to feel validated for my appeal.

I can't be the only one that feels like that. And when I hear a man complain about his wife/gf cheating on him.. I hate to blame the victim , but I often wonder if he gave her the kind of attention that most women need to feel special. If he was too busy talking about how hot megan fox is to notice and appreciate the beautiful woman that loved him, if he was too stupid to realize how awful he made that beautiful woman feel.

Cheating is never okay, not in my mind. And I would never do it. I'd break up my relationship before I ever took it there. But when I look at my boyfriends phone and see some other girls naked picture.. a part of my feelings for him go out the window. Its a good thing my feelings are so strong or they would have washed out entirely months ago.

I've been honest with him, about how it effects me.. and he can see the results in my behavior. I use to bend over backwards for him, would do anything I could to make him feel special... and I do less and less of that.. I'm just pulling back naturally , its not even a matter of me pushing myself to do less... I just have less and less of a desire to make him feel good everytime he makes me feel bad.

We have a perfect relationship in all aspects other than his occasional need to look at other naked chicks. He can't believe I could let something so silly threaten our relationship.. and I can't believe he could let something so silly threaten our relationship either.

[jns]

HD, it sounds like you and your bf love each other, just are not in love with each other any more. Was there a time in the relationship when he did not look at porn? Did you and he look at porn together? With a gf as giving as you, I wonder where he finds the time. BTW, the other guys flirting with you doesn't mean that they want to have the same kind of relationship with you as you want with your bf. Have you thought of getting rid of the phone that can display pictures and other technology that has a siren song?

[Hopeless Dork]

There is no way to get rid of the phone and no point, theres magazines, internet, videos... etc. There was never a time in our relationship that porn wasn't being utilized by him at some point. As far as the not having the time to look... he says the same thing, that how can i think he cares about that when I take care of him the way I do. But every few months, like clockwork .. I come across some tell-tale sign that he's been looking at that stuff.

When we first started dating, porn was on the computer all the time til I made it clear it really hurt my feelings. Now its pretty much a don't ask don't tell situation but everytime he forgets to delete something, etc.. and I bump into something I am just taken back to that place.

As far as being in love with each other... gosh its hard to say we're not. When we are together we can't keep our hands off of each other, whether privately or in public. He's so affectionate, and so am I and we just have SO much chemistry. On top of that we are best friends and make each other laugh and can hang out and stare at a wall enjoying each others company, words or silence.

He tells me how hot, sexy, beautiful I am every single day... he never checks out girls in front of me, never comments on hot celebs, never does anything that would be disrespectful and there really isn't much more he could do to express how much he loves me... he does it in every way.

However... all i have to see that he's been at some nudie site to nullify everything he does to make me feel special. It frustrates him because he feels like he does all he can to show me I'm what he wants and that I take him 'being a guy sometimes' way too personally. I just don't know any other way to take it.

[jns]

Being a guy has changed over time. Today, with the internet bringing free porn to the house, the school and the library, most young guys get conditioned to looking at it and it may be very hard to reverse that conditioning. This goes on for years before they get conditioned to being with a gf.

I'm sorry about your situation. I wish he would get it. He doesn't know how rare a gf like you is to find, even rarer to be compatible.

There is a point in lessening the chance of contact for a person who reacts to an environmental irritant, such as an asthmatic. It might help in this case.

[lime_lemur]

I personally agree with the OP... it would be an extremely unusual thing in my relationship if one of us were to look at porn or naked pictures and want that person. I'm personally not really into attractive bodies... I couldn't care less about some topless guy on a beach flexing his muscles. The only guy that turns me on physically is my own boyfriend, and that comes from loving him, and I'm pretty sure he's the same way. I dated a guy once who was emotionally abusive, and it ended up being normal to catch him getting off to porn or sending messages to other girls... needless to say that relationship really crashed and burned. I would be very heartbroken if I found my current loving, loyal boyfriend looking at other women. I'd feel disgusted with myself if I were turned on by a picture of some random naked guy.