[CHANDLERS WISH]

Casey,

I think it's great that you and your SO, are in tune with each other, can express what you like and don't like and in that, you both are comfortable with Porn...

I also think it's great that as such, you have advised members of the difference when 2 people can accept this as 1, that it isn't abused and that, no one is being selfish or hurting each other.

It is in-deed a touchy subject To some.. But, to those, whom can't get their head around being in acceptance, maybe more so in togetherness, not alone, working through it as two people not one, it's hard ...

It can only work if two people agree on what ever that is in life.

I don't think that you should not post on the topic.. We are all individuals and have a right to 1) debate, or 2) try to assist in a nice manner and you've done that.

No apologizes required as far as I am concerned.

[hizenberg]

yeah i def agree in a sense to what your saying casey. an i am trying to see more from a gys perspective because realy,its interesting. (and although i ramble,i personaley get the 'visual' point,if u know what i mean! lol)
no hard feelings here, an i am sure that speaks for most. thats what we're after here,it difference in oppions and ideas. its refreshing to get a different view point, we need more guys in this site.
and i am definateley not no prude, i have a big imagination lol lol and we are all human afterall

[Ingrid]

I just finished reading another forum on this site where women were telling another woman that she was in the wrong about feeling hurt about finding her boyfriend watching pornographic videos. See what Doctor Phil has to say about it; I agree with him. Dr. Phil.com - Advice - Is Internet Porn Cheating? It is a form of being unfaithful.

[hizenberg]

sorry i havent been around for so long, been busy with life as such couldnt agree with you more. well said

[Jellitot]

Having read through most of this thread, I've noticed that there isn't really a point of view from a woman that uses porn. Being such a woman I agree on the condition that if your man/woman is aroused by and j/o off to porn and not touching their SO then obviously there is a problem. But apart from that I see no problem with porn, it is tool for sexual satisfaction. I have been with my SO for nearly 5 years now, and we are in love and happy with each other. I've always occasionally looked at porn, more so recently because I'm unemployed and get bored all day at home on my own :P My SO works long hours so weekends are usually for our fun As people have been saying every couple is different and accept/disapprove of different things, and there is a difference between sorting out your 'needs' and a sex obsession. For me porn is a form of sex escapism, but I only get turned on by videos that have couples being passionate and in tune with each other - there is a lot more female friendly porn out there that is more like this than anal sex and deep throating ^^ I think i like it because it reminds of the intimacy and connection I have with my SO, so its kind of remembering encounters with my SO with visual aids. Plus it can give me great ideas to try things out. I think saying that looking at porn is cheating is rather naive, as sex is a bodily urge - its the love and care you have for your SO that you're having the sex with that makes it special and meaningful. Don't get me wrong, saying that doesn't mean I'd be perfectly happy for my man to go off and have sex with a stranger because they mean nothing to him, just that j/o off to porn is in no way comparable. When I look and masturbate to porn, I'm having sex with myself - if i wanted to have sex with a blonde and buff porn star I would leave my SO and go off to find one :P But I don't. To me where do you stop if you start thinking like that? Look, he found whats-her-face off the tv attractive, it means he wants to shag her and not me. Blaming men for being men isn't really an excuse either, they have their share of insecurities to deal with. Fair enough women are sexualised a lot, lot more in media and society but the answer isn't to reverse it back, makes us as bad :P When a guy looks at porn they have to face the small % of the world's male population that have abnormally large penis'; when they see their SO having a blast with a sex toy twice the size of their own - not applicable to all but women aren't the only ones being objectified. But i think thats for another thread ^^ When I'm looking at porn I'm not comparing the guys to my SO, I have no emotional connection to them , they are just performing an act that turns me on. I got turned on looking at a bed in a store the other day, does that mean I'm cheating with a bed? Fair enough its an inanimate object but still. I don't understand, to me blaming looking at porn is covering up other feelings, or having insecurities - both of which you should talk about with your partner.

[justathought]

I feel that looking at porn and imagining sex with other women only hurts a relationship. I have been deeply hurt by it. I think it is being imposed on all of us by society to just accept it, but I don't think we have to. I just don't see how just because men want it, makes it an "entitlement" that women have to just accept in our relationships. I want a lot of things but out of respect for my SO or if I know that it is something that hurts him, I don't do it. If this is something that we are taking personally, why do we have to be "forced" to just get over it? Men aren't forced to do anything. They are encouraged by society to get and do whatever they want and to not take "no" for an answer. And many women are so hurt by porn. I know I'm not alone in how I feel because i have met so many women who have lost their self-esteem and feelings of loyalty from their husbands because of this and we all feel pressured to have to just "get over it". This isn't something men need to stay alive, they just want it because they like it, but when you truly care about someone and want to have a loyal relationship with someone, where you are counting on them to protect your heart and worth, how can you ridicule them for being hurt by something that they find personal and why would you want to "demand" that you have it your way when it is hurting them on a personal level.