[atskitty2]

Thx rain.

[atskitty2]

This has just become uncomfortable. I really think it deserves to be done in person. Now that my mind is made up, it seems fake & dishonest to be carrying on conversations as if things are the same for me. I don't like doing this. Certainly he can sense that my discussion isn't as involved. Maybe I should just have ended things by phone rather than drag it out another day or 2? Should be able to see him & end things tomorrow before work.

[atskitty2]

And, it's done.

[effy2014]

I apologize for coming in at the end . . . been selfishly tending to my own issues with my kids all in town. You approached this relationship with a great mix of emotional openness, in depth analysis and Kitty directness. I am sorry that it did not work out and the odd path that it took at the end. I hope that the spark he created gives you encouragement that there will be others who can light that fire. I sense that he saw you for all of the great qualities that you possess . . . there can be worse things than being seen as a trophy as well.

I admire your ability to be direct and true to yourself and to do so in short order. I probably would have let the relationship limp along for a while more to no one's benefit. A lesson for me.

[jns]

kitty, I'm sorry it didn't work out after all of the effort you put in. Sometimes things are not meant to be. Tomorrow is a new day. Good luck.

[atskitty2]

I'm sad about it too, but feel it was the right & best thing to do. I wasn't sure how he'd take it. I expected a stronger response, maybe even tears. Instead, he basically left the door open if I change my mind, asked what he'd done wrong, asked for feedback on what to do better...and made some odd comments. I think those were mostly from him feeling awkward, fumbling around again. I had to urge him, nonverbally, to leave my home. He hugged me & left quietly. He's sent a couple messages since, only one of which I responded to.

I have a strong feeling he's got more to say to me. He asked, said he'd really like to know everything that caused me to come to this decision. I'm weary of it.

Anyway, thanks for the kind words effy, jns.

[Something_Awesome]

Anyway...on my way to his home, I was involved in a minor car accident. 3 hours later...I'd had enough drama & came home to give it up for the night. Nobody hurt, minimal vehicle damage, but major attitude & drama from the 16 yr olds who hit me. So, I was spent. I came home, made myself dinner & called it a night at 10pm.

Really discouraged.

A really rough past several days if you count from the day you first got sick. The car accident sucks royally. For one, it's a total time kill... There is time spent at the scene; time spent on the phone with various parties; then there is the body shop part of it etc etc. Those 16 year-olds tried to bully you. I was driving at the age of 16 and one day was out with some friends. We had two cars and the driver of the other car was also 16. Well, the friend driving the other car rear ended (at very low speed) another car which housed two nice old ladies. My friends began trying to bully them to either leave or admit fault and then leave. Luckily we all spoke more than just English so I was able to tell them all to stfu and to tell the friend that hit the ladies to just own it. I also kept my distant from my friends because I felt humiliated to even be associated with them (not friends with any of them anymore). I dunno... I can totally imagine the scene you so briefly described and I really HATE bullies.

BTW, I think it's time I posted pics of my car accident. It's been a big part of my life in so many ways the past couple years. It has really affected me. I'll try to post the thread in the General area tomorrow or something. I definitely should not have survived the crash. When I was put on a stretcher, I remember thinking to myself "well thank God the accident was bad enough so that I don't have to stick around and exchange info with the guy that hit me and all that." The accident was so bad that I knew I could just leave immediately in an ambulance and the cops would take care of it all! I know... typical stupid-guy moment

I have a strong feeling he's got more to say to me. He asked, said he'd really like to know everything that caused me to come to this decision. I'm weary of it.

I totally think the guy should know the reasons. It is best for him and will help him. You were crazy about this guy at one point. The Kitty that was crazy about him would definitely have helped him if he needed help with someone (like advice, which is what he is asking for). I guess what I am trying to say is that he is not a bad guy who does not deserve to know specifics... He's a good guy that does not know how to be sensual or clean a sweater.

I can only think of three reasons why you would not tell him:

1) You are worried that him asking you why you've had the change of heart is just a way for him to keep you engaged with him. Perhaps he thinks if he can keep you talking to him then there will be a chance that he can get you back?

2) You are worried about embarrassing him or hurting his feelings in the short run.

3) You are self conscious about the reasons you split with him because perhaps he will think they are shallow reasons.

Of course, you could just tell me why you're weary of it so that I don't have to guess If my GF broke up with me, I'd want to know the reasons. If she felt I was sensually deficient, then I'd want to know that too. Just my 2 cents. I could be wrong though.

[atskitty2]

Numbers 1 and 2.
He has already made 2 "offers" to get back together, and I just don't want this to turn into a dramatic, long, break-up ordeal. He knows my 2 main issues with the relationship, so I don't feel It's useful to go into more details. If he follows up on it (i told him I didn't want to discuss at that time) I will share some things with him, but not the details of the sexual incompatibility.

There could be nothing wrong with his sexual prowess for another woman he gets involved with, so why damage his confidence and make him think about things that may not be issues for his future. My preference isn't an issue for him going forward.

Now, the rebound questions, I would tell him more of my thoughts on. I also would tell him about the neediness that developed at the end, sealed the deal, and the creepy factor of archiving all my text messages and taking pics of me sleeping. Such odd things were a put off. I may even bring up the uncomfortable feeling of being a trophy for his friends...
All these things shouldn't be news to him tho. I've brought it up.

I would explain to him that recognizing independence in a woman and acting accordingly will serve him well.
that would be the only item I never mentioned to him.

I thought perhaps we could remain friends but I'm just not sure.

[Something_Awesome]

Your last post makes total sense. Sound reasoning. I agree with what you said you would tell him, and I now agree about you not telling him the sensuality reasons because of the explanation you provided (like it's more a compatibility thing).

I have to say though, reason #1 worries me a bit, especially because of the 2 offers. Why did you put offers in quotes? Did he demand it instead or something and you're just calling it offers because he can't command you? If I am looking too deep into it then you can ignore this.

It's too bad it did not last...

[atskitty2]

Putting "offers" in quotes, was just because he wasn't really asking, just making it known he is very willing to give it another try, if I decide I've made a poor decision, that he doesn't agree with my assessment that we aren't a good match. He messaged me today, telling me he still cares for me, isn't angry and then asked to return some things I'd left at his home. I declined, thinking he was probably just trying to see me, but he said he'd be happy to drop them by when I'm not home. I agreed, just to end the discussion.

I am very disappointed that it didn't go further. 6 wks. Seems to be the magic time for me. 6 weeks is as long as any relationship has lasted since the divorce. I thought surely this was going to go on awhile, maybe long term. I have mixed feelings. I'm encouraged that I could feel strongly for someone again, but disappointed that I seem to have missed some key points early on. Maybe I just chose to not give them the weight they deserved.
I actually miss him a bit. Didn't miss the last guys.