[Euphoric]

Kitty,

I heard a saying many years ago that has looped through my mind a time or two while following your thread. "Thick too quick never sticks." From the moment you met this guy, things clicked. By your account, he is of equal intellect, mature, thoughtful, calculated, even tempered, etc. Another plus is that you share many common interests. Then came the disastrous kiss. Mr. Perfect in many ways has faults. You worked that out in fairly short order and if I'm not mistaking, the kisses had become quite passionate at times. Next up...the making out sessions that left you flummoxed and confused. (And not getting any better!) Personally, I think the night you told him you weren't really up for an orgasm and he persisted, that tripped a negative reaction. You quickly placed blame on yourself by "realizing he is a pleaser and you were denying him by not complying." You are/were trying to justify his actions and convince yourself that he had a right to "attempt to pleasure you." I believe you felt the decline in interest at that point whether or not you were ready to admit it. Since then, the lack of sexual connectivity has further depressed you, almost to tears. Now he's dropping the three word bomb!!! You've stated he is intuitive (except sexually), I trust your judgment concerning this, which is why I believe he feels you pulling back and he is tossing everything he's got in hopes of reeling you in.


I don't think he views you as a trophy. I think he sees you as an attractive, self-sufficient woman, and for the moment, you "belong" to him. He wants to spread the word, not as an ego trip, but as a man who genuinely sees you as a person he is proud to be associated with. Unfortunately, I do feel like you have reached the end of the line with him. These blah, meh, depressive feelings aren't from being sick, they exist and you are dwelling on them moreso now than before.

[atskitty2]

Maybe you're right Euphoric. When I went to his place for dinner the other night, when I walked in & saw him, there was no "mmm, happy feeling" any more. It wasn't difficult to leave him, as it once was.
We had a brief discussion again a few nights ago, about my 2 top concerns...and I realize they're more a concern than ever, and I told him there's been no improvement on my side. So, he knows that too.
I don't think I started out as a "trophy" to him, but I think some sort of charge came to him when he had all these friends who were giving him the "atta boy" speech when they saw our pics, and when I met the couple I met already. I'm quite certain he was never one of the guys who had his friends envious of him for the appearance of his companion, and it's gone to his head. He sounds so silly even, saying something like, "I'm the guy with the hot girl over here!" I'm quite certain he's never used, nor even heard, such locker room banter until just these last few weeks. He's a good looking guy, but he's a complete intellectual - a Sheldon many would say. So, not a ladies man...
Anyway...

Raindancer, I am a person who's into sex. It's not everything, but it's important. I do feel it's something that can be worked on, worked through & is worth the work with the right person. I thought he may be worth the effort. Now, I'm just not so sure.
I didn't think your words were harsh-I appreciate the feedback, the additional perspective. I'm perplexed, and need the info. I think there's some truth in your observations, and I'm trying to define my own views & perspective, given my own present confusion.

[Something_Awesome]

Ok... I was thinking about this last night after my last post, decided not to make the post, but have had a change of heart...

I think it is a normal response to want to talk about a great person you've dated and have entered into a relationship with. You've had your outlet. You came onto WH and in an awesome way began to tell us about how great this guy seemed and all the things you liked about him. You were like a kid in a candy store, and it was great (imo) to see you that way.

When someone meets another great someone, I feel it should be celebrated; nothing wrong with talking about it with other people and sharing a pic or two (I know, it sounds like I've flip-flopped). With that being said, I don't think your guy has had the same opportunity to gush about you because the WH outlet was not available to him. In your case, you were able to be specific with us because there is a degree of anonymity here (the threat of being distasteful was never there). Well, your guy wanted to share the news about you just like you shared the news about him. He did go a bit overboard, but I'm sure it was his momentum of spreading the news that took him overboard. I don't think he did those things in a grounded mental state (he's on cloud 9).

The way the guy feels about you is INVOLUNTARY and if he has trouble remaining silent about you, who cares? Yeah, he may have gone a tad overboard, but who cares if he thinks your hot and if his friends think your hot! The people he has introduced you to have already decided in their mind if they think you look good and if you look good enough for him, that they may have voiced their opinion after it was already formed does not matter.

There is nothing wrong with being the woman a guy is crazy about who is also arm candy. You are not just arm candy, you're arm candy and everything else. If he saw you as just arm candy, then I'd understand your gripe, but he obviously does not.

The sexual incompatibility is more of a concern than this other stuff. I agree with prior posters that you have "reached the end of the line," as my guess is that your heart and mind are at odds over this guy and one organ is trying to create superficial reasons to convince the other organ to dump the guy. The sex thing is where the issue is.

I am hoping this guy figures the sensual thing out and that you guys last, but I think you may be done with him.

[atskitty2]

That's a good point SA. I appreciate that and I think you're probably right about a lot of your first 4 paragraphs. I do think it's too much tho, to the point I'm embarrassed by it, and told him so. He lingered with it after being told my discomfort in it, is my real problem. Even so, I could forgive & move past this minor indiscretion if that's all it were. Matter of fact, I have mostly forgiven that, even tho it's ongoing. It is, of course, flattering to have a man such as him, gushing over me, especially when I felt the same way. But I've lost that, so it became irritating I guess. Whether I'm right or wrong in that, I don't know.
And yes, I think your analysis is correct, that I'm focusing on this superficial thing, when it really is about the romance & the physical demonstration of our romance...thanks for reigning me in on that.

I discussed this at length with some friends tonight. They think it's a done deal, and probably cannot be managed to an acceptable level for me. Stubborn me, thinks they're right, but I believe the right thing to do is talk to him about it, one more time. While chatting w/them, I realized the last time he began to touch me, I stopped him.
My friends did bring some advice about the rebound thing tho', that I'd not considered. Being divorced, with kids & child support, they offered a perspective I couldn't have possibly seen.

So, I'll keep y'all updated. In the meantime, please keep the opinions flowing.

[beethovengenius]

hi kitty, my laptop is broken so haven't been able to post anything for a couple of days and im using an awkward tablet now. Im really not surprised though unfortunatley. From most of you're posts there has always been a sense of doubt that I detected .

I think you are seeing the real him now . When my new laptop
comes in the post I will elaborate properly .

[atskitty2]

Thanks beethoven. I'll look fwd to your post.

[atskitty2]

So, I've spent little time with him this week. I've had a lot of time to think, even tho' through sickness & meds, it was a lot of time to think.

I'm going over to his place tonight, and I'm going to break it off, for real.
All this time thinking over things, and realizing that it wasn't necessarily the sickness making me want to stay home, but really just a loss of enthusiasm in seeing him. Had to be honest with myself in that respect. Sure, I did prefer to be home, but had it been a month ago, I'd have had him over here with me...

I also started thinking about some other things I've not mentioned here, that are bothersome to me.
On Monday while I was at his place & that first day of sickness, we were about to have dinner & he said something to the effect of "You aren't drinking tonight". He quickly retracted it & said he didn't mean to tell me what to do. I told him I didn't plan on having wine w/dinner, but if I'd wanted to, I would have. I was caught off guard, and the manner which he recognized his misstep, and quickly drew it back, indicated to me that he may have some controlling tendencies. He'd made a comment around Christmas while we were shopping that made me raise a brow, but I didn't address it because I wanted him to feel unguarded, to say what he thinks in regard to my clothes, what I do, etc. This confirmed that a little more too.

Also, he told me that missing me so much has put him in a foul mood. He's asking me if I miss him too, and HOW MUCH? Really? You want me to quantify that?

So, yes, I could take a positive stance here & think that he just really misses me so much...but it's really a needy side that I just can't stand. It's a huge turn off. He somehow shrunk the sweater I gave him, (moderately expensive Calvin Klein) and rather than return it, as we should, he said he wants to keep it forever, because it's the first gift I ever gave him. My "wacko facto" just went off the chart at that point. That's just weird...to me at least. Sure, it's sweet in a way, but given the missing me to the point of grouchiness, expecting me to miss him just as much...and ASKING if I do...I'm just completely turned off at this point.

So, I'm talking with him, then meeting a friend afterward to reflect, vent & get some good girl support & feedback.

[Something_Awesome]

I always try to go into things thinking there is a reasonable explanation for everything, like when he asked you to quantify how much you missed him that he was trying to be cute. However, some of the stuff you mentioned is indeed off the wacko charts. I wonder how he's going to take it.

For some reason, the sweater shrinking thing bugs me. A real man would have dry cleaned the sweater you got him anyhow :P

[atskitty2]

Quite honestly, SA, I have no idea what he did to the sweater. He is a professional, he has a launderer & a dry cleaner...he has a fairly expensive wardrobe, which is sent out for care...all the more bothersome to me, because I know this. He only washes a few things at home. I don't know what he did/didn't do to have shrunken it...

Anyway...on my way to his home, I was involved in a minor car accident. 3 hours later...I'd had enough drama & came home to give it up for the night. Nobody hurt, minimal vehicle damage, but major attitude & drama from the 16 yr olds who hit me. So, I was spent. I came home, made myself dinner & called it a night at 10pm.

Really discouraged.

[raindancer]

Sorry about your car accident. Good that all involved are alright (minus the drama you've mentioned).