[beethovengenius]

Only time will tell if it is indeed a rebound situation. However in the mean time enjoy you're time with him.

[atskitty2]

I am enjoying it, no doubt! And I've talked to him about my concern. I think it's something that you don't realize as it's happening, so it's not my thought that he'd just say, yes, I'm on the rebound & you're not going to be what I really want 6 months from now...I think rebounding is inevitable, but I don't necessarily think that every decision we make while in rebound is a poor one.
So, it's a waiting game. My instinct is that he's genuine, but I cannot ignore the little voice that whispers to me at times.

[beethovengenius]

It's important to listen to "that little voice". But I think it's also important to enjoy you're time with him and just see where the journey takes you. Sometimes the journey is more interesting and important than the actual destination. It forces you to move outside you're normal comfort zone, which also makes room for personal growth.

[atskitty2]

Agreed!

[Euphoric]

Kitty,

You are wise to keep everything in perspective and look at the relationship open-mindedly yet objectively. We've all learned that if something seems to good to be true it probably is. You've been disappointed several times in the past and this man seems so perfect that you're quite literally waiting for the ball to drop. Nothing in your posts thus far suggests this man is jaded, spiteful or looking to exact revenge toward his ex. Quite contrary actually, he has been nothing less than a mature gentleman who seems to be open and honest. He listens and is attentive, etc. I don't need to list off the positive attributes you've discussed up to this point. You already know them.

He's not been divorced very long, but that doesn't mean he hasn't learned from his mistakes and/or learned what qualities he wants/needs in a partner moving forward. We learn valuable lessons from the mistakes we make and from the mistakes we watch others make. As far as I can tell, Mr. Awesome has expressed concerned over his demanding work schedule that will require extensive travel and/or time away from home, if I remember correctly. He's being forthcoming with concerns so that you aren't blindsided by that reality once the holidays have passed.

I know nothing about his previous relationship but I do know this. You are an independent woman who doesn't need a man to take care of her. You are more than capable of handling your own affairs (and I'm not talking about relationships on the side, lol). Some people, both men and women, need their partner glue to their side day in and day out. You don't strike me as an insecure woman who need an appendage attached to her side 24/7 for reassurance. The two of you communicate very well with each other. That said, I do believe you might be struggling with whether or not to drop your guard because you feel maintaining a certain about of self-preservation will protect your heart, which is smart, but don't allow fear to hinder your happiness ;-) This is a journey to be enjoyed, not a destiny to be reach.

Best Wishes and looking forward to continued updates ;-)

[atskitty2]

Sitting here in the salon chatting with my stylist about him.
I'm on vacation this week, so lots of time together...

I agree, Euphoric. I have thought that I'm in self preservation mentality and just looking for that non negotiable characteristic...something to prove he isn't right. Now, I'm not consciously doing it...but I think I'm waiting to see that flaw.
I wanna let go of it all, embrace fully the potential here. I'm trying...I really am! Lol!

[beethovengenius]

Well it's important to have a sense of humor about you're neuroticism, LOL. But you are only human after all and having doubts and questioning things is all part of the human experience. And being in a new pre-relationship is one of those rare experiences that makes you feel human.

So, just enjoy the ride!

[atskitty2]

I met a couple friends of his last evening for just awhile. It was a good way to learn more about him, and awkward in its way too. They were friends with the wife too, so I expected some amount of tension.

After this afternoon, I won't see him again until after Christmas. We exchanged gifts last night. It has been a very nice week spending a lot of time together, getting to know each other well.

[atskitty2]

So, I commented further about our physical relationship in jns' post "some like it slow" (or something titled similarly)

I am genuinely troubled by the apparent incompatibility physically. We have great energy together. We think so much alike, and are in tune to each other so closely. It's completely caught me off guard how close we are, how synchronized our energy is & how well we just flow together. We communicate in detail, no arguments or disturbances, both of us striving to get understanding. He is a calm energy source, much like myself. He thinks ahead, thinks things through before acting, & he is very intentional with all he does in his life, goal oriented & driven, but peacefully so, not wound up & internalizing everything either. We have cooked dinner together, we've gone shopping, we've dealt with household issues, just all the business of life over the last few weeks, we've shared together.

We spent nearly all week together. We slept over, ran our errands, etc. Seamless, like he's been a part of my life for years. My dogs took up with him as if he'd been here all along. He bought Christmas gifts for them, as he did his own dogs...He's made it very clear his intentions are to be a part of my life for a long time.
Too much, too fast? I wondered, but it was so natural, so easy & my instincts were calm, no question it was right for me. No discomfort in sharing family problems, personal issues, etc. I trust him completely. He shared family secrets, personal issues & all that sort of info with me too.

Then, we cuddle up & kiss, hold each other & it's the best thing. I'm completely intimate with him mentally & emotionally & ready to take it to the next level & I want to advance the relationship. Then we start to "play" a little further & it's like we're from 2 different planets working toward 2 completely different goals. I say to myself "what is happening?" "What in the world is he doing?" "What do I do here?" "How do I respond to THAT???" It literally feels like we just disconnect & aren't even in the same room any more. It's the strangest thing, and I cannot identify when/what happens exactly, but we just lose all sense of each other...I can only speak for myself...but I cannot conceive that he's thinking this is as good as the rest of our relationship. I have talked to him about it, without completely saying that his methods are confusing to me, but I've talked to him about techniques & details about where I like to be touched & how & when, etc. And I asked him to show me how he wants to be touched...

I've genuinely tried to make it about his needs, and figure out what it is he wants & needs from me. Reason being: I can see he's a giver & he's trying really hard to please me...yet I cannot seem to give instructions that he responds to.
I tried to take charge of the situation one day and it went even further into neverland...I just don't understand what's happening.

I have talked to him about his sexual past, both within & outside the marriage. He has little experience, so I think the "training" with his wife is all he really has to go on. They had a very active sex life up until a couple years before the divorce tho, so he has had lots of sex, just with her only.
I'm just at a complete loss, disappointed & confused.
How on earth can we be so in sync elsewhere, and physically just lose tune altogether like this? Do I call it a day & stop trying? I'm upset about it very much. I really thought I had someone that I will be with for years to come, but this just can't go on this way. I care very much for him already, but I can't seem to get any sense for what's happening, and what to do about it.
Granted, only about 3 times has the make-out session moved beyond kissing, but I'll admit, that's because those 3 times have been such a mess, such a disaster for me.
thoughts?

[Euphoric]

Kissing started off very rocky and it seems as though the two of you worked together and managed to conquer that challenge, so I'm inclined to say give it a little more time before tossing in the towel. There are a few things that you've pointed out that makes me go hmm...and I'm not sure what fumbles you are dealing with, e.i. groping vs petting, rushing in versus relaxing and letting things unfold, heavy handed vs sensual touching, etc. What are you wanting and needing vs what he is doing, in general terms?

You've said he thinks ahead, thinks things through, is very intentional and deliberated in his actions, which makes me wonder if he has over-analyzed your expressed desires and is performing more as an organized, methodical robot, focused on x, y, and z (and leaving out the rest of the alphabet) rather than incorporating your desires into a natural rhythm and flow. Is it possible that while he is doing one thing and you need another, or need it done differently, to guide him. For example, say he is kissing your lips and squeezing your breasts but you want him to kiss your neck and massage your breast, can you turn your head to the side and grab him around the neck and pull his head to the crook of your neck and then place your hands on top of his and "guide" him to massaging the way you like? Do you foresee him being "trainable?" You've only taken charge once...I think you need to take charge again, more aggressively and see if that flips his "understanding" light switch.

I just read some of the information from your post "some like it slow" which gives me a better understanding of what you are dealing with. So, I've rushed back here to edit this post, lol. When he is acting in a frenzied hot mess, be direct. Look him in the eyes and tell him to slow it down. If his arms are flailing around, get on top of him and pin his arms down or grab them and hold them still - forcing him to comply to your need for smoother flow rather than a jack in the box. I understand in order to take control in the manner I'm describing, you have to be somewhat aggressive and there is nothing wrong with that. If he continues to come at you like a tornado, disregarding what you've told and shown him, then I'd probably suggest you cut ties because physical incapability will eventually breed resentment. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm thinking something is going to click for him and he'll get the message. (Or maybe it's wishful thinking on my part.)