[atskitty2]

I am concerned about the rebound thing, for sure. It is top on my list, with the physical stuff as my only other real concern. I just think I could have an answer to the physical issues, long before I know if this is a rebound for him or not. And you're right, my gut tells me it's a rebound...I cannot deny that, and a big part of why I've put the brakes on emotionally. Time will tell. And only time...

[beethovengenius]

I think that is a wise and prudent approach you are applying Kitty. I am impressed by you're attitude of being both open minded and objective at the same time. Many people in you're situation would just jump head long into a relationship and try to force it into something that it is not.

But you seem to be cognizant of the potential perils of lowering you're standards and falling victim to the psychological state of being "in denial".

[atskitty2]

Thanks.
I had a rather blunt discussion with him about it, just less than a week ago. He is fully aware of my reservations, and I told him that nothing in the last month has quieted the fears.
At the same time, there are good reasons to believe it's not a rebound, but my gut...I hear my gut telling me there's reason to watch...

I am in such a state of mind today-I've worked a lot this week, been away from him a lot, and I had decided I was just going over to his place tonight, and find out once and for all what he's made of sexually. I'd intended to go in the door, home invasion style, and make my attack. I'll keep you posted!

[jns]

Good luck, kitty. It's great that you haven't given up on him and a relationship with him. That would have been the easy way out, but now you will see if there is a good reason to keep going after him and his other qualities that you like. If it doesn't work out, it was not meant to be, but at least you tried.

[Something_Awesome]

Omfg i bet it worked out! It's 1am pst and she has not posted; therefore, she did not leave early because of an awkward sexual encounter!

[Motorguy]

Well Kitty it's looking promising then with the new guy in your life. Enjoy your self with him you will figure it all out with him. From what I can read you enjoy doing other stuff with the new guy. But kissing is one thing but if you trust him and feel comfortable with him that's half the battle right there.So he was just a little rusty with the kissing but he has a good tutor that comes in handy like you kitty lol.

[Something_Awesome]

He does have a good tutor MG, but I think she would rather not be a tutor in anything sensual... It would sort of kill the guy's mystique.

[atskitty2]

So, an update: There was a change of plans that evening, and I didn't end up going to his place, he came to my home, and we weren't alone, so there was no attack to be staged.

You're right SA, I really don't want to be the aggressor, or the leader in our sex life, and hardly a teacher of any sort, to this degree. I am pleased to be the leader or equal hand in other areas of life, but sexually, I like a man to be dominant, mostly. I'll do that on occasion, but generally I like the man to be the tougher one.

So, that following morning, I did have an opportunity to push the boundaries a bit & I did get aggressive, and take almost complete control of the proceedings, nearly to the point of tying him down. What I took away from that experience is that he just simply has a lot of learning to do. He doesn't know what's in & what's out (literally, women's anatomy). What pressure to use, how to touch which places, when to touch, and I've already discussed the crazy, jerky, erratic movements...really, he seems to be at the development stage of a teen. I asked him how he felt about me being sexually aggressive, and he said he welcomed it. So...after I had thought that answer through, that left me questioning more. Does he prefer it because he doesn't want that role? Or just enjoys the change of pace? ??
Really, tho...I couldn't have imagined that a man like this, would be so completely fumbling in this area...I'm dumbfounded by it.

This could be a positive in so many ways. He is eager to please, eager to learn how to please me & that's a BIG plus, obviously. But, so am I. It was very difficult to get him to tell me what he likes, what he wants for me to do. I appreciated that he wanted me to be satisfied, but couldn't seem to grasp that what I wanted was for HIM to be satisfied.
I felt really bad for him. As poor as my sex life has been over all these years, I feel like I at least know the basics. I know anatomical parts & what they do, where is sensitive, where usually isn't. Poor guy didn't know where my clit was.

I asked some rather blunt questions about his sex life with the wife...and he answered each of them honestly I believe. They did have an active sex life up until near the time of separation but it was not a very fulfilling one, more routine & not very exciting from what he described. So, typical, it seems like.

In my usual style, I expressed my deep concerns that we are not going to be physically compatible. He assured me that he will learn to satisfy me. I told him that isn't my primary concern, it's more my ability to do what he needs. He said that I already have proven to him that I can. Now I'm wondering if it'll be this issue that he lacks comfort in communicating.

It is getting better tho. I will say that for sure. He's a smart guy, he'll learn fast I think. And I think he'll communicate more his own needs once we've moved past all this preliminary stuff.

Sorry to disappoint some of you! And sorry my post is a bit scatter-brained.
Any thoughts? Advice?

[jns]

It sounds like his background is very vanilla. It also sounds like he has never seen porn or not very much. Expect him to become more assertive as he gains confidence in what he is doing. Communications can be a problem with guys but it sounds like you two communicate on other things. It sounds like he has never done much self exploration, either physically or philosophically. Those things can be fixed.

Work on teaching him about what gets you going. I suspect he will be more open and introspective when he gains confidence that he can please you. It is such a kick to know you can please your partner.

Is he hesitant to learn about or touch any part of your body? There are all sorts of influences out there that teach that this is bad or that is bad and that can interfere with becoming a good lover.

Best wishes.

[Something_Awesome]

Ok, I think I have a lengthy (and relevant) response for you Kitty... Will try to post tomorrow afternoon during lunch or something. It's my first day back to work in 2 months!