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  • He actually got into town a half day early this week....
    Maybe he will make some progress on his personal affairs and reach out to meet.

    Since I sent those messages, he has definitely been more communicative. I've made less effort, and I have noticed a difference in how much he's contacting me... including pics from his travels and what he's doing...
    So, we will see. Could be a genuine effort or just an attempt to keep me hanging on.


    • Turn of events...

      I didn't anticipate seeing him until maybe the weekend. He'd hinted at having a project he was working on this evening and maybe getting it done early. So I asked if he wanted to meet. He beat around the bush for an hour...so I went on and did what I had to do tonight, thinking this was just it.

      After 7, he said he'd finally finished and was sorry, that if it wasn't too late he'd like me to come over.
      So I got to his place, unshowered and a mess after 8. I wondered if it was a booty call...

      It was a nice evening. I remembered after about 15 minutes, why I was so interested. So nice to be around him, and why I've waited so long to see him.

      We chatted, caught up and then I left. We made plans for tomorrow night.
      He actually apolized for the weeks that's passed. He said it's been 6 wks since we met. No excuses but he told me more of what had happened the last month.

      He was nervous. I could see it. He really struggled to maintain eye contact and I finally just pulled him to me and squeezed him. That seemed to do the trick. He even held my hand for a moment.

      Definitely not the way I thought this was gonna go. So, I'm encouraged.


      • Good for you, but I had always been impatient with my own partners before (when I had not found out about my sexual orientation). But yeah, best luck to you!


        • Originally posted by Beautiful Disaster View Post

          You mentioned that when he's gone for a while you don't even expect to see him for a couple days after he returns. This stood out to me because any man I have ever dated who was truly into me would have been bee-lining to see me as soon as he returned...
          Once I was on a solo motorcycle vacation in Colorado, and after being gone for only about 4 - 5 days, I was talking to my then-girlfriend one night and she told me how much she missed me and wanted to see me. I got on the motorcycle early the next morning and didn't get off it except once every two hours to stretch my legs for a minute until I pulled into her driveway 1300 miles and just over 15 hours later!
          Yep, bee-lining, that's what that was! :-))


          • Maybe my expectations should be higher, idk. At this point we're not really more than friends, and he's hardly my boyfriend.

            If I had that lifestyle, I can't really see myself doing it differently. I wouldn't go straight to a guy that I was casually dating, when I had a lot of work to do at home. Maybe I should demand more from a man, idk.
            If I were more comfortable and in an established relationship then, maybe I would, but I don't want anything that intense either...just something a bit more than the current situation lol


            • Demand enough so that you are happy with the situation. Hope for a few initiatives on his part that go further so as to bring a bit of excitement. It is those little bits of excitement that create the memories that help to bind.
              I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
              Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

              From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


              • Well, after last night...I think I have a better sense of what's happening.

                I think he is terrified of something, or of me...and I have no idea why. I took some initiative and pushed things physically a little and I thought the poor man was gonna lose it. I've not seen such squirming, and it was great, but I wasn't quite sure what was going on for him.
                He liked it...but the squirming, and attempts to hide his erection were reminiscent of Junior high school

                I think he didn't realize that I'm as into him as I am, and he wasn't expecting me to be aggressive. I put his hands where I wanted them...teased him a bit.
                He seemed genuinely shocked.

                Then I just held his hand after that little session and he was sweating and trembling.
                I do not understand why, but maybe the health issues? I know he can achieve an erection now...lol but maybe he's been recommended not to do anything with it?
                Not that I'd have had sex with him, but we weren't even close.

                I think he's actually really interested in me, physically and as a whole. And I think he's just lost on what to do here, even more than I am.
                He's never had a gf in town, he's always had flings on the road...it makes sense to me that he doesn't quite know how to form a real relationship. I don't either really, but I know communication is important.

                What I took away from the whole thing, is that he's much more shy than I'd picked up on, and I need to be direct, and he will receive it well. He is eager to please me, but doesn't know what I want. I see now that I simply need to be more vocal and start the conversation with him about what we want and what we're doing. He's muddling through just like I am, but I think I've scared him. And I'm the ppl person, I'm social, he's not really... so I think that he simply doesn't know what to do unless I give him the go ahead. He seems to be trying not to make a mistake and is doing nothing... rather than make a wrong move. This overly cautious attitude.

                I never could have imagined he lacks confidence...and that's what it seemed like. He's so smart, so successful...and such a nerd... maybe there's more nerd there than I realized.

                He made mention of feeling like a virgin...

                I had to giggle driving home...how do I always seem to find these odd sort of ppl, and these attypical relationships...lol

                Maybe I'm a weirdo too????


                • Being on the road can give license to act like you never would at home. The "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" sort of thing. For the home town, things are different and he wants to have his image intact: thus the nervousness.

                  He obviously finds you physically attractive. You said you weren't close to having sex. If he is relatively clueless about women in spite of his past relationships, he may have not known that. He probably was in a state of not knowing what is going to happen next. Maybe he doesn't really know how to lead in a relationship. For some guys it is a natural thing because they have seen how to lead from role models, for others, not so much. It is possible after gaining confidence, he will take more of the lead. He may have also put you on a pedestal because he is so attracted to you, physically and personality wise.

                  How he acts for his business or work is another thing altogether. He has the confidence that mastering a subject brings and that can bring success.

                  If you had wrote off any sort of relationship with him a long time ago, you would never have seen this side of him. Instead you would have had the normal run of the mill relationships that you have not been enthusiastic about before.
                  I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                  Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                  From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


                  • It's hard for me to imagine him not being in leadership. maybe he is tired of that role and doesn't want that in his personal affairs.
                    We're both pretty strong personalities, and I had actually thought the chance of us having a tug of war was more likely.

                    Thanks jns, that's helpful feedback you shared.

                    I love a challenge and now I'm fascinated with the process here. I can't wait to see him tomorrow, possibly, to see what develops.

                    I told him rather bluntly today that he lit a fire,, and flirted with him. He was teaching a class tho and couldn't comment.

                    Part of me wants to throw him down and put it to the test, but my gut says that's just wrong for now.
                    Another part of me wants to just let this evolve, as it's just been so nice that the physical isn't the focus, getting to know him and now having gained a different type of respect for him. But now I have the confidence that he is interested and not just playing around with me.

                    Another note, he looks better. He looks physically healthier than he did 6 wks ago. It's a stark contrast, and even in his walk and how he's moving...I could see the difference. He says he's felt better the last week or so, especially.

                    So, I'm encouraged and have no doubt now about where he stands with me. We'll see what happens next.


                    • Kitty, this sounds like you're in a very unusual situation, and it's nice to know he showed a strong physical interest in you, even if unintentionally! :-) I hope you can draw him out of the shell he's hiding in, but I can't help but wonder what awful trauma put him there. It was certainly much much more than a girlfriend dumping him. That he was seeing a urologist is generally a bad sign, except you can be certain it wasn't for prostate cancer, at least based on your observation. So what was it? PE, maybe? That might actually explain a lot.


                      • I'd not thought of trauma, tho I suppose that could be it.

                        He told me from the first day we met that he was having some serious health issues, and he seems to have made progress since then, tho they never found an answer. He looks and acts healthier than he did 2 months ago.


                        • Well, that's sure to be a good thing. I recall you saying earlier he looked "exhausted" or words to that effect?


                          • Yeah, I have known all along he had some serious issues going on, tho he never went into detail about the specific issues. I'd even thought an STD could be a contributor.

                            He is visibly healthier tho. I hadn't realized back then, because I didn't know him, but...it's an obvious improvement.


                            • Maybe improved health will correlate to, well, improved interest in you! :-)
                              Via improved tself-esteem and self-confidence on his part.
                              And I'd almost think he could suffer from ED - there's that urologist thing - but your observation suggests otherwise. Some other embarrassing condition, maybe the opposite of ED? I'd think you deserve to find out what his issues are fairly soon.
                              Good luck,


                              • I'm wondering if it's more a "shouldn't" than a "couldn't" situation. He's on medication, including antibiotics for another month, so, smth was going on for as much meds as he's been on. I've not asked specifically, as it's none of my business, but I saw several med bottles on the counter while at his place.

                                I'm chalking a lot of it up to his indepence, and his lack of experience with relationships here at home. I think I've become a bit absent minded too, having been alone for so long, so I get that. I don't think to invite anyone along, if I'm going somewhere, and it's taken me a long time to even accept help from anyone...so, I've kind of put myself in his shoes a little more and see a picture of a fiercely independent, loner type that's just deciding he is ready for a partner in his life.

                                I'm confident we are friends now. Maybe it develops into more, maybe not. I hope it does. It could be this pace is a very purposeful attempt to keep things simple until he's sure about me. Idk, and I'm exhausted from analyzing it lol

                                I think, based on some comments, that he's really insecure, lacks confidence and I'm here for the worst of whatever has happened. Again, speculation.
                                I have never had a man reply to me "are you sure it's me?" When I stated that I want more of him. Any other man would say, come and get it....

                                Or he could be with other women every night, doing the same thing, I have no idea. Lol
                                Somehow I doubt that, but I don't know!

                                He's gone again anyway so... until next time.
                                Depending on how this goes, and when I see him again, I think I will tell him how that comment bothered me, and that I want to know if he doubts my desire or my affection toward him personally.

                                I just hate the "getting to know each other" phase by message. It really is a pain to communicate in this way.



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