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  • Messages are too short and cold to really work with. It there a way to video chat or at least talk on the phone? What I would have given to be able to do that with my wife (girlfriend at that time) almost 30 years ago even though we did not have a common language at that time.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

    Comment


    • I will suggest that, but I don't think he has any imaging apps, tho he may have his laptop in the hotel.
      I'm not sure how into tech stuff he is, other than security around his home when he's gone. Lol

      I hate talking on the phone, but I'm also going to suggest that, or just do it. Talking on the phone is preferred over this craziness.
      He called me randomly once, so maybe he's also weary of the texts.

      Comment


      • I'm worried that there may be something more serious here with him, medically.

        There isn't a thing wrong with you taking the lead....but once you've taken that lead it's very unusual that he's acting like a scared and inexperienced virgin. I like the idea of video chatting. That forces a more personal interaction when physical interaction isn't possible. Maybe it would allow him to get more comfortable.

        I've said before that my boyfriend had some "comfort" issues in the first part of our relationship that lasted much longer than they should have. But, he truly IS young and inexperienced (not a virgin, but not experienced either) so I put myself in his shoes and knew why he felt the way he did.
        "Be what you're looking for."

        Comment


        • Yeah, I've been concerned about that from the beginning BD, as I've mentioned.
          I have walked a tight rope of being respectful of privacy and showing my concern...and desire for him.

          I've decided, after seeing him last week, that next time we're together, I'm just gonna put my cards out on the table and let him call it...
          Hanging out with him, getting close to him struck up some strong feels, and I need to know where we're headed, where he stands. If he needs to go slow, if he is impotent, if he's just not THAT into me, it's time I know. I could see myself falling hard for this guy and I need to stop the train if he's not at least in the same station with me.
          I haven't had a strong urge to be with any man since my hubs, and this hit me fast, so...I need to save myself the time if his intentions toward me aren't somewhere close to matching mine.
          I'm fine with continuing friendship, I just need to know where I stand.

          No pressure, I'm just going to tell him exactly how I feel about him and that I feel we're out of step.

          It's been 3 months now. I don't think it's out of line for me to speak up. I don't want him to feel pressured but I also have reached my boundary. I don't want these feelings to intensify if this isn't a possibility.

          I can delay sex, I can be accommodating and patient because I care about him, but...I need to know.
          And it's a discussion to be had in person.

          Comment


          • Best wishes, kitty.
            I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
            ...
            Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

            From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

            Comment


            • Gggeeeeezzzzzzzz!

              Lol

              So, he got flirty this evening over text. Somehow I saw an opening and I just told him he'd stumped me. I eventually said that I am confused, that I want to get to know him better, and if he's not into me, pls say so. He said smth like, I was very excited the other night, chill.

              Chill? Lol not what I wanted to read right then. So I just said it. I said I feel like we're not equally interested, that I really like him and want to get to know him better and that I'm frustrated. I told him I just don't sense that he feels the same.

              His response? I don't mean to frustrate you.

              (Head slap)
              Lol

              I said, that's non responsive.

              I'm done. Tap me out of the ring for this round. Lol
              All I said, and all he has to respond is, that?

              Help me gentleman. As a man, is he just clueless?
              Avoiding the subject...is he incapable of having a conversation?

              I should have waited. But it's done now.

              Comment


              • My two cents? For whatever reason, he's nowhere close to where you are, and seems unlikely to get there anytime soon. I think you've spent enough time on this and have certainly experienced enough aggravation: quit now. It'll be hard at first, for a relatively short time, but it'll be the best for your head and for your heart in the long run.
                God bless you.

                Comment


                • kitty, looking at your posts back in feb/ mar on the jaded thread you mentioned he said he was intimidated by you
                  and also that he wanted a relationship but not based on the physical

                  so he's just being himself which he told you in the beginning
                  is there something wrong with being friends first?

                  you like him and he likes you......why do you want to rush the relationship?

                  Comment


                  • Amy I'm not rushing the intimacy, or sex. That wasn't what this was about. I wouldn't have had sex yet anyway. This was about how he feels about me.

                    I needed to know if he felt the same about me as I do for him, or at least close. He apparently does not, or is incapable of expressing it. Either way, it's not good. I didn't think it was too soon to say how I feel. It is not reciprocated.

                    ETA:
                    I am a little embarrassed about it, in the light of morning. Lol
                    Last edited by atskitty2; 05-10-2018, 03:31 AM.

                    Comment


                    • It sounds like he gave you an answer when he said chill and that he didn't want to frustrate you. If you got a text like that from someone you're into, what would you do? I'd immediately dial them or ask them to let me know when we can talk in person. Everyone is not me, but I can't see a scenario where someone you're into says they don't feel like you're into them and you leave them hanging. Unless you are into them, but it's just not a good time. Either way, it seems like an answer.

                      On the other hand, we feel as deeply as you do, but tend to be a little slower about expressing and understanding. What just popped into my head is that for a long time when my wife would say, "I love you," at certain times I'd respond with, "Thank you." I'm not talking about early in our relationship when things were developing, but like right now. Sounds kinda bad right? Don’t judge me! Let me explain.

                      A few months ago she asked me why I didn't say I loved her. Then it hit me that I was not seeing the entire emotional picture. I thought she was saying something like, “Regardless of what’s wrong, I love you,” to encourage me when things got tough. I was showing my appreciation by thanking her. She was trying to encourage me, but that didn't mean I should be so focused on my own stuff that I didn't express how I felt back. But that was exactly what happened. He could have other stuff going on that's preventing him from understanding.

                      One more thing, I don't understand texting when we have a far better means of communication - phone calls, even video calls. There's no way I'd have critical discussions over text, because too much meaning and feeling is lost. For me texting is for follow ups on already established issues. It seems to often do more harm than good when there are disconnects, upsets, and confusion.

                      -----------

                      TL;DR

                      It seems like he gave you an answer, but maybe your guy is slow - super slow. I'd really have that conversation again when you can at least hear his voice and the way he responds - the pauses and fluctuations in his tone - to figure out where he's coming from. A video chat would be even better. Face-to-face would be the ideal. Don't be confrontational or high-pressure, but be direct to get a straight answer.
                      "Those sowing seed with tears
                      Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

                      Comment


                      • agree with still ^ re texts
                        trying to analyze texts is not the way to go

                        when he's away, skyping or phone calls would be best

                        kitty, if he didn't like you, he wouldn't still be seeing you at three months
                        guys know by date 1, 2, or 3 if they like a girl or not

                        Comment


                        • You can like someone, be attracted to and aroused by them, and enjoy their company, but not want to be in a relationship with them.
                          "Those sowing seed with tears
                          Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

                          Comment


                          • ^^^^exactly.

                            He sent me his usual good morning msg...as if nothing is different...lol

                            I totally agree that texting this was not ideal, and that hadn't been my intent, or desire.
                            Maybe I got caught up in my feels for a minute, idk.
                            I felt some sort of anxiety suddenly and acted on that.

                            Comment


                            • I read the msg I sent him again. It still doesn't seem confrontational or pressuring to my eye. It said I'd rather know now if you don't feel the same about me. That I really like him and want the opportunity to get to know him better, that I enjoy his company very much. Etc. Nothing like "I need you to...."

                              Maybe to a man that isn't driven by his feelings, it seemed uncalled for or out of line within the context, and he thought I was being over the top.

                              I don't understand how i can tell him how i feel and he only addressed my frustrated state, responding nothing to my statement of feelings for him.
                              How do you not say, "I feel the same" if you do indeed feel the same?

                              Its a little like telling your doc you have sneezing, coughing, wheezing and a gun shot wound in your leg. And the doc saying, take Benadryl, and use a tissue...and ignoring the most pertinent part of the story.

                              That's my thing. I'm essentially pouring my heart out and his response is basically, "that's nice, dear"

                              Idk. We're friends... so I'm responding to his msgs anyway, but...makes me wonder if emotionally we will be compatible as more than friends.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                                Gggeeeeezzzzzzzz!

                                Lol

                                So, he got flirty this evening over text. Somehow I saw an opening and I just told him he'd stumped me. I eventually said that I am confused, that I want to get to know him better, and if he's not into me, pls say so. He said smth like, I was very excited the other night, chill.

                                Chill? Lol not what I wanted to read right then. So I just said it. I said I feel like we're not equally interested, that I really like him and want to get to know him better and that I'm frustrated. I told him I just don't sense that he feels the same.

                                His response? I don't mean to frustrate you.
                                I think you are going much faster than he would prefer to go. I think the "I don't mean to frustrate you." comment is actually said meekly. He does not really mean to frustrate you with going slow but going fast has him scared of things getting out of control. Maybe it would be best to discuss how fast the relationship should move forward. I know it sounds like a formula, but it would at least get out what both of you want and when. I know I have slowed down things in relationships to be sure that they are not out of control when every fiber of my being wants to go at light speed.
                                I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                                ...
                                Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                                From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                                Comment

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