[amy40]

agree with still ^ re texts
trying to analyze texts is not the way to go

when he's away, skyping or phone calls would be best

kitty, if he didn't like you, he wouldn't still be seeing you at three months
guys know by date 1, 2, or 3 if they like a girl or not

[Stillness]

You can like someone, be attracted to and aroused by them, and enjoy their company, but not want to be in a relationship with them.

[atskitty2]

^^^^exactly.

He sent me his usual good morning msg...as if nothing is different...lol

I totally agree that texting this was not ideal, and that hadn't been my intent, or desire.
Maybe I got caught up in my feels for a minute, idk.
I felt some sort of anxiety suddenly and acted on that.

[atskitty2]

I read the msg I sent him again. It still doesn't seem confrontational or pressuring to my eye. It said I'd rather know now if you don't feel the same about me. That I really like him and want the opportunity to get to know him better, that I enjoy his company very much. Etc. Nothing like "I need you to...."

Maybe to a man that isn't driven by his feelings, it seemed uncalled for or out of line within the context, and he thought I was being over the top.

I don't understand how i can tell him how i feel and he only addressed my frustrated state, responding nothing to my statement of feelings for him.
How do you not say, "I feel the same" if you do indeed feel the same?

Its a little like telling your doc you have sneezing, coughing, wheezing and a gun shot wound in your leg. And the doc saying, take Benadryl, and use a tissue...and ignoring the most pertinent part of the story.

That's my thing. I'm essentially pouring my heart out and his response is basically, "that's nice, dear"

Idk. We're friends... so I'm responding to his msgs anyway, but...makes me wonder if emotionally we will be compatible as more than friends.

[jns]

Gggeeeeezzzzzzzz!

Lol

So, he got flirty this evening over text. Somehow I saw an opening and I just told him he'd stumped me. I eventually said that I am confused, that I want to get to know him better, and if he's not into me, pls say so. He said smth like, I was very excited the other night, chill.

Chill? Lol not what I wanted to read right then. So I just said it. I said I feel like we're not equally interested, that I really like him and want to get to know him better and that I'm frustrated. I told him I just don't sense that he feels the same.

His response? I don't mean to frustrate you.

I think you are going much faster than he would prefer to go. I think the "I don't mean to frustrate you." comment is actually said meekly. He does not really mean to frustrate you with going slow but going fast has him scared of things getting out of control. Maybe it would be best to discuss how fast the relationship should move forward. I know it sounds like a formula, but it would at least get out what both of you want and when. I know I have slowed down things in relationships to be sure that they are not out of control when every fiber of my being wants to go at light speed.

[atskitty2]

I think you're all right...and I think I just need to freakin relax.

jns, he told me the time I asked why he hadn't even kissed me yet, on our 5th date or something, that he has a tendency to go too fast, and basically said what you said. That isn't how he wants future relationships to be. He wanted smth stable and genuine, not the superficial type of thing he's had.


I don't know why I kinda went off the rails last night, and got impatient. This is what I was sort of talking about, getting at with my jaded post. I see it with me, here, and I see it with my friends too.
This relationship doesn't fit into the box I sort of think it should, so I seem to over think, and believe it most likely isn't going ok. My gut feeling has been all along to just roll with it. There's been no red flags. I have my girl friends chirping one thing, and my guy friends cackling thoughts on the issue...lol

But, I know how men can be, or expect that this isn't a healthy start with so much hesitation... when, in reality, there's nothing wrong with how this is progressing. I am ready to move along, but if he's not, that's ok too.
I wanted a friend first. I'm getting one...so I have to stop thinking the life out of the situation and just take it easy.

He's working, but he's reached out to me more today than usual. I think he's just different than other men. I think he just isn't going to show his hand until the time is right.
He's a sweet man, he's not flighty, and I can tell that he doesn't really make uncalculated decisions, so...I'm going to just have to wait and see what happens.

He has a 16 yr old car that he bought new. It's a gorgeous car that looks like new. I commented because I like cars, and like that model. He said he prefers to choose quality and hold onto it. I can see that in other areas...and maybe he's now trying to do the same with his romantic life.
That again, is me reading into it, but I think it sort of shows his personality a bit

[atskitty2]

I feel kinda like an idiot. Lol
How pathetic am I? I'm a bit embarrassed, and that doesn't happen easily.
I had a good laugh at myself today.

Looking back, I think I had some sort of anxiety that I don't quite understand.
He's sent messages more frequently since my little "moment". I think it's his way of offering reassurance, at this point. it's a marked increase, and I know he's busy, so I don't expect it to continue.

Thanks all, for the perspectives and feedback. Pretty certain that I've regained control of myself and those emotions.

[Texasred]

That's the thing about texts: they only take a few seconds to compose and send, you don't have to wait until it's a good time for both of you - all good things - but then it's difficult to express emotional content or for that matter to adequately convey humor, or sarcasm, of any other feeling that would modify the words. Pluses and minuses.

And don't be quick to condemn superficial physical relationships! :-) I started a purely physical relationship with a woman over 30 years ago, it quickly became much more than just that, and we're still together.

[atskitty2]

I'm just not comfortable with a purely physical relationship. I've tried that, it's just not for me.

That's not what he is interested in either, apparently, tho he may still have sex partner. Wouldn't be any of my business if he did.

[Texasred]

I understand; in fact, I don't think I can have a "purely physical" relationship. It always ends up being much more than that. Maybe I'm saying , I don't have relationships with women that I dont have feelings for.