[sourpuss]

Oh believe me, there was a lot of blame going around for all three of us. He blame her for being bad, he blamed me for not reacting the right way (and I didn't, I admit) and I blamed him for not intervening and taking control of the situation.

[sourpuss]

Ok, update. We went camping this weekend and it went much better. He must have had a long talk with her before coming to get me because she was friendly from the get go and MUCH better behaved. She did get a sassy attitude with her dad once on the drive and he scolded her right away and she didn't do it again.
She and I went for a long walk and chatted and had fun so that was really good. I did get the 'you're not my mom' thing once but I think she was trying to show off for the little girl she met at the campsite next to us. But the good thing is that I finally felt comfortable that I could call her out and tell her not to be rude. Which I couldn't before because her dad never did.
So he's making good on his promises to try to make it work, and she's trying to (which is saying a lot for a 6 year old.)

Apparently yesterday morning she told her dad "Dad, I'm really stoked, I have two moms and two dads, that's pretty cool." (her mom has a new boyfriend) I don't know where that came from, but at least she's being positive about the people in her parent's lives, so that's a start.

Much better this weekend.

[pretzel]

Ok, update. We went camping this weekend and it went much better. He must have had a long talk with her before coming to get me because she was friendly from the get go and MUCH better behaved. She did get a sassy attitude with her dad once on the drive and he scolded her right away and she didn't do it again.
She and I went for a long walk and chatted and had fun so that was really good. I did get the 'you're not my mom' thing once but I think she was trying to show off for the little girl she met at the campsite next to us. But the good thing is that I finally felt comfortable that I could call her out and tell her not to be rude. Which I couldn't before because her dad never did.
So he's making good on his promises to try to make it work, and she's trying to (which is saying a lot for a 6 year old.)

Apparently yesterday morning she told her dad "Dad, I'm really stoked, I have two moms and two dads, that's pretty cool." (her mom has a new boyfriend) I don't know where that came from, but at least she's being positive about the people in her parent's lives, so that's a start.

Much better this weekend.

Good news.

I'm sure you're happy that things went well for a weekend.

You said the absolute truth, her dad took control and reprimanded her right away.

You also felt that you could do the same and know that you'll have his support.

Kids want structure. Makes life a whole lot easier for them.

[sourpuss]

They do want structure, I think he's realizing that.

[pretzel]

They do want structure, I think he's realizing that.

That in and of itself, is a huge first step.

That'll make the harder issues when they come up easier to deal with. Just as long as he's consistent.

[Hopeless Dork]

Great news SP. Those things take time. I think its always going to be harder for a girl child to adjust to a new woman in her fathers life than a new man in her mothers. First off you have the natural competition thing that daughters even have with their natural mothers. It will take time, but you consistantly being there... will eventually win her over. For now the most important thing is you earning her trust, her respect should be a GIVEN... if she is taught manners by both parents... but her trust, and then love will be earned over time.

[sourpuss]

Ok, second update. It's spiraled back out of control to what it was before, if not worse. He quit disciplining her and like a 6 year old figured out pretty quick that now she can walk all over me AND him. *sigh* We took another camping trip a couple of weeks ago and it was the last for me. I feel like after our big talk, I really tried to hold up my end of the bargain and I really tried. But he failed on his end and the kid knows now that all she has to do is dig her heels in and she gets her way.

So back when this whole thing started we agreed that the only options were to make it work, otherwise our relationship would be a mon-fri thing and neither of us wanted that. But now I feel like that's my only option, or just throw in the towel. I should mention that he works out of town Monday through thursday evening. So that only leaves Fridays that we get to see each other. Hardly worth it in my opinion.

I have no idea what I should do.

[LanaBear]

*sigh* I'd been wondering how everything was going... I'm sorry to hear things have taken a turn for the worse. I wish I had some advice for you or some great words of wisdom, but you've had your fair share of patience with this situation...

[sourpuss]

I know. I don't know what to do at all. I'm at a complete loss. I know if I bring it up it will just be bad. So I've just been avoiding them. At this point, I think the best that could happen is that I just do my own thing and not be available when he wants to hang out and eventually he'll see that the arrangement isn't working. So he'll either want to change it, or I'll stop hearing from him. And where I'm at right now, I could give a rip either way.

[pretzel]

I know. I don't know what to do at all. I'm at a complete loss. I know if I bring it up it will just be bad. So I've just been avoiding them. At this point, I think the best that could happen is that I just do my own thing and not be available when he wants to hang out and eventually he'll see that the arrangement isn't working. So he'll either want to change it, or I'll stop hearing from him. And where I'm at right now, I could give a rip either way.

*sigh* is right. Sour, you're really not in a good situation right now. Believe me, I know many of us here wish there were things that could be done to make this better. You know as well as I that you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. You and he really don't get much time together as it is and now no matter what happens, there's no easy way out. Daddy's little girl has daddy wrapped around her little finger and it's eating you alive. I'm pretty sure I have a good idea what you'd like to do to her, but can't say it.

You know the saying "it only takes a guy to be a dad, but takes a man to be a father". Dude needs to decide what he is before you and he can decide where the relationship goes.