[chaya]

After all the wonderful replies and advice I received, I've decided to tell him this Friday. I was going to tell him today but he has to go to work tomorrow and I don't want him to be worried. If I tell him Friday he will have 2 days to get over any shock.

He is a policeman and works 4 days a week, 10-12 hours a day. On the days he works I stay at my aunts house. That is better for both of us, he can get his sleep and I have time to study. I go to school 5 days a week and ride to school with my uncle. So I only see him Friday - Sunday. On days he is working he calls, emails and texts me.

One person asked me about my scars, he has seen them. I told him it was from operations and I would tell him about it someday. I have 2 scars about 5 inches long, one on each side of my navel. Friday he will find out all about them and a lot more.

[jns]

Good for you. It will give you some anxiety waiting, but the timing should be right.

[Guest]

try to tell him, it will benifit both of you

[BabyGirl]

I'm glad he saw the scars and that you said you'd tell him about them someday... That leaves an opening for him to accept that you did not deceive him outright. Him being a policeman, will hopefully have his compassion come out in full force. I'm sure he will understand that what you suffered was very traumatic and a very personal matter.

He asked you to marry him and you accepted, which shows your love and trust for him and visa versa.
If it were me, i'd go somewhere quite and private, I'd start by how much you love him and then tell him it was very hard for you to trust or get close to men , until you met him..

Then explain the scars and how they came to be. If you feel uncomfortable or it becomes a traumatic reliving or reminder, you don't have to go into details, just the brief basics.
You can tell him " Someday, I'll be able to tell you more if you want to hear it all , but it's still to fresh a wound"

Next you can talk about having kids,explain that the Dr's say you can carry his child, but cannot be inseminated the natural way.
** Do some research this week on Artificial Imsemination, so you can discuss this with a good knowlege of how it works**

Honey, give him time for all of this to sink in.. Look how long it took you to heal. even though your tradgedy did not happen to him directly, he will feel your pain thru his love for you. And he will most likely feel anger and frustration, some may be at you for not telling him earlier, but that will hopefully be short.

Again, I say give him space (if he needs it ) to digest this. Explain that the reason you felt you should tell him now, is the impending marriage and children are usually part of a long lasting loving marriage and you feel he should know the physical limtations prior to the commitment of the marriage.

Him being a policeman, will also have him, not telling you all, he won't tell you of the gruesome things he see's in his work.this is to protect you from traumatic things he has to live with. Hopefully he will understand that you also were protecting yourself and him from trauma and that is why you just now came out with this..

Once again, Remember "You are a Woman, No longer a Victim".. Live your life Free of the things you cannot Change.

[chaya]

Thanks, I'm sure I'll be very nervous when I'm telling him. I'm already getting nervous just thinking about telling him. At this rate I'll be a nervous wreck by Friday.

For me to get pregnant, it will take more than just artificial insemination. The only way I can get pregnant is through In Vitro Fertilisation (IVF). This is a procedure where they remove eggs my ovaries and letting his sperm fertilize them in a petri dish or test tube. The fertilized eggs are then implanted in my uterus. If all goes well, I get pregnant. Because of the high failure rate, several fertilized eggs are implanted, sometimes resulting in multiple births. The procedure usually costs $10000 - $15000. This is a simplified explanation, there is hormonal treatment for me and him, genetic analysis of the embryo before implantation and storage of excess embryos for followup attempts if the first is not successful. This procedure has roughly a 50% chance of success. In my case, since I am a type 1 diabetic the odds would be lower. I might even have to remain in the hospital for months prior to birth.

So, if he really wants children, he might decide not to marry me.

[WildChild]

There are many options including adoption, a surrogate. Don't pre decide his response.

[jns]

Chisaki, nice avatar. The numbers for IVF are all better than when I checked it out about 15 years ago, from cheaper to a higher rate of success. It is in a way better than natural pregnancy as some genetic defects are discarded. I say some because I am not sure how good they have gotten at this. They also pick out strong swimmers, if I remember rightly, insuring a better than normal chance of a healthy baby. To start, they give you chemicals to make a number of eggs ripen at the same time, called super ovulation, if I remember correctly.

[chaya]

JNS, you must be a physic. You said I might experience some anxiety waiting until Friday to tell him. I have only slept 2 hours in the last 2 nights, I just lay awake worrying. I've even considered telling him on the phone. I wrote a long letter, telling everything and was going to email it to him but I couldn't get myself to push the send button.

I've decided to dump my classes Friday so I can go to his house Thursday night. I know I'll be too nervous to tell him without crying and losing control so I printed the letter and plan to give it to him.

My diabetes always gets hard to control when I'm under stress. If I'm not careful I'll end up in the ER before Thursday.

[WildChild]

Do you any copies of the news articles? That might help you tell him.

[jns]

With you so anxious, take to eating light foods that are easily digested and are not strongly spiced. They would be what you like when you are sick and may be nauseated. This is so you can keep them down and get the nutrition you need. Hang in there. I'm sure it won't be as bad as you think it will be. We are all rooting for you and your boyfriend.