[miserable mom]

Exactly what I was thinking AngelicBunny, he deprives them when he deprives me of money. He doesn't seem to realize that I'm the one who puts a roof over their little heads, clothes them, feeds them, and provides them with whatever else they need. He acts like I'm going to go on a **** shopping spree for myself if he gives me money. Yeah but he does try to act like he is still with me after I have told him we are not together. When I say he kisses me, I will admit I did give in once but it did not feel the same at all, when he tries to hug me I can't really hug him back either. To top things now, I went to my ex's mom's house yesterday to drop something off to him, and me and him just talked outside on his mom's porch for 5 hours straight, I'm not even kidding! It was cool though, you know it felt like we were best friends, nothing sexual or anything just a cool conversation about everything. He did however tell me some things that bothered me, but it was no surprise at all. He knows my kids dad and they have talked every now and then, and he told me that he knew my kids dad had cheated on me, he says he seen him himself with different girls. I will admit I was really hurt but if its true or not, it comes at no surprise. I have not spoken to my kids dad about it, I don't feel the need if he cheated on me once I'm sure he did again. So yeah that was my yesterday just hanging out on my high school ex just talking, he told me a lot of things and I just felt comfortable with him. I told him I was not ready for any relationship and he understood my reasons. I explained to him what I went through and that I just wasn't ready to jump into a whole new relationship, I just need some time to myself. Another thing my sister calls me last night and she is at the bar on her day off, and her bartending friend was working. So she put him on the phone and I talked to him really quick and just kept saying how he really wants to take me out even offering to pay for a baby sitter for me lol. He said he told everyone that I was the hottest girl hes ever seen lol, I doubt that but it was nice to hear, than he tells me that I just knocked him head over heels. Than my sisters friend gets on the phone asking me what I did to this guy because he has been talking about me since to everyone, the other bartenders, the customers, he was asking my sister for the address to my work so he can send me roses. I thought that was really sweet, he told me he was going to shock me tomorrow which is now today, I didn't know what he was talking about but my sis friends told me he was going to send me rosses and stuff.
See now I'm even more confused, I'm not use to this much attention from different guys all at the same time. So for like the hundreth time what do I do?
Another thing my ex Jason gave me some gold bracelets, those seven day ones and I was really surprised. I didn't want to accept them but he just told me no just keep them, if you don't wear them give them to your daughter or something. Than he asks me if I had a big screen T.V I was like no why? "He's all well I have like 5 of them and you can keep one". Lol he's crazy right? (sigh) I don't know what to do.

[loveofachild]

Think about the babies

Miserable mom,
girl life is too short, and you are too young to drag yourself down like this. I was in an abusive realtionship before the one I have now. I didnt have any children though, I left as soon as I got a chance. You are not married to this dude, even if you were, he cannot tell you(he can ask) what to do, when to be at home. I dont know who he thinks he is. You need to look deep inside yourself, and find the courage and will power to leave before it gets detrimental. Honey, there are too many women feeling low and beneath themselves that they will subject themselves to anythhing, just to feel like a man loves them. Love is not supposed to hurt physically, mentally, emotionally(unless you are breaking up). Think about your three babies?? They do not deserve to see their mommy being treated this way. Then they will think that it is okay to be disrespectful to people. I dont know if you watch lifetime, alot of those stories are true. Alot of the women end up dead, or killing there husbands.

[miserable mom]

Bartending guy brought me a bouquet of roses , he is cute I was very surprised cause I didn't really think that my sister's friend was serious when she said that. I was sitting here at work on my desk and I saw him walk in and I swear to god my face got really red. He caught me off guard there, than I felt embarrassed because I don't look that great right now either. My hair's a mess I just pulled it back, my earrings were irritating my ear so I took them off, and it left little cuts on my ears, and I just felt like I looked like $h*t! Any girls ever felt like that? Top this off he is a pretty boy so he like takes care of himself, and he notices everything and when I say everything I mean just that. He noticed my ears that was so embarrassing, my hair was all jacked up. I was left thinking I'm sure I looked way better the other night! I'm sorry I'm rambling I'm just blushing right now.

[AngelicBunny]

Bartending guy brought me a bouquet of roses , he is cute I was very surprised cause I didn't really think that my sister's friend was serious when she said that. I was sitting here at work on my desk and I saw him walk in and I swear to god my face got really red. He caught me off guard there, than I felt embarrassed because I don't look that great right now either. My hair's a mess I just pulled it back, my earrings were irritating my ear so I took them off, and it left little cuts on my ears, and I just felt like I looked like $h*t! Any girls ever felt like that? Top this off he is a pretty boy so he like takes care of himself, and he notices everything and when I say everything I mean just that. He noticed my ears that was so embarrassing, my hair was all jacked up. I was left thinking I'm sure I looked way better the other night! I'm sorry I'm rambling I'm just blushing right now.

yeah I've felt that... I get times I just don't wanna go outside 'coz I feel that I look a little... bleh XD hmm I'm not sure about what he woulda thought though, he may jus be into you not your looks, and you know what they say about first impressions. You obviously gave a good first impression, so I doubt he'll be thrown off you, whether you want to date him or not.

hehe lucky, I've never gotten flowers from anyone before!

[miserable mom]

Here I am again today, I am really stressing out again this time more about my family. Ok so I told everyone the story of whats going on and well my family is really starting to interfere with my life. My younger sister heard about the roses and to be honest I was a little happy about getting some, I mean my kids dad never brought me roses and it was really nice. So anyways when I was telling her yeah he still brought me those, here reaction was this:

(sister) "and you accepted them?
( me) yeah what do you want me to just say no and turn him away?
(sister) well what are you going to do about .......?( Babydaddy) (me) what about him?
(sister) what are you going to tell him?
(me) he doesn't need to know anything!
(sister) you act like youre not going to go back with him!
(me) I'm really trying this time not to, and if the only way that I can do that is if I talk to different people, and do my own things.
(sister) don't get too happy he could be just doing this so he can do something with you than go tell everyone about it.
(me) I'm not stupid I know how some guys are, I'm not just going to jump in bed with him, he doesn't even have my number, if I want to talk I call him.
(sister) I'm just saying I don't want ......... to do something to you and than hurt the kids just because you want to be doing your own thing.

So yeah we than got in an argument. Than my brother starts trippin! Calling me a **** for catching a ride home with him, and threatening to call my babydaddy and tell him the whole situation. My own brother can you believe this $h*t? What the hell he knows a about my baby daddy and how he treats me and that he has hit me, cheated on me, and leaves me at home by myself with the kids, he's already fought my kids dad in the past for that reason. What the hell? They don't want me to be with him, yet they would turn againts me if I'm not? So anyways than my little sister's boyfriend acts like its his buisness as well, that night after I left the bar and that guy gave me a ride home he was telling my other sister's boyfriend;

(little sister's boyfriend)"man thats ****** up! I should call ......... right now and tell him what........ is doing.

I was like what!!! Everyone knows he abused me and now they want to make him what come and ****** kill me? He's still attached he would not be fine with it at all, and right now I'm not tryin to make things any worse with him.
Lastly my mom sees my roses and my bracelets, and when I told her they were given to me, she critisizes me by saying

(mom) "what did you do with them for them to be giving you stuff?
I was a little hurt by that comment, I did do something with me ex but I did not sleep with him, and the second time around when I saw him and he gave these bracelets to me all we did was have a deep conversation. About the roses I told her "mom I barely met that guy the other night", I wasn't expecting them! My moms reaction was; yeah right ......... a guys not just going to come to your work and bring you flowers unless you probably did something with him. Than she walked away to her car and left.
So now I'm so worried, confused and hurt, I feel like I'm not going to be happy with my baby daddy or even without him.
My own family tho, what do they want me to do? What do they expect me to do? I'm not putting my kids after any man, they are still my first priority but is it so wrong to talk to other people?
I feel so unhappy right now, I'm worried my brother and my little sister's boyfriend is going to tell my kids dad and hes going to come and hurt me or its just going to make whatever me and him have left worse. I mean if we get on good terms for our kids, its just going to make us be on bad terms. What do I do?

[ravelitex]

I know what you must be going through, my boyfriend also gets abusive and I can?t seem to just get rid of him. I have kicked him out several times?but I?m to much of a push over to just stick by my actions and I let him back in almost instantly. I found that working into a ?step program? is helping. I made up a way to slowly separate from him. The first thing you need to do is find some supportive people to talk to. Then start to have your own life! Go out with friends, or if you don?t have any because of him try to make some! Once you start meeting new people you wont feel so dependent on him. Trust me even though you have been with him for so long once you end things and get to have your own life you will LOVE it!! It?s easier said then done I know?but like I said separate yourself from him slowly so you don?t get overwhelmed. No one deserves to be treated so low.

[JubesInquest]

M.mom,

Dang, your family got the game all messed up!

Why would they want to tell your BD about all this? So he can beat you?

You do have to be careful of this guy brining you flowers and bracelets.
I don't know if you ever heard of this "rule," but you shouldn't accept "gifts" from a man that you don't know well.
They will bring you gifts because they are "investing in the future," if you know what I mean.

Also, you shouldn't have someone that you don't know THAT well come to your job.
What if you find out later that he's really nutso, and he starts wanting to follow you?
He'll know where you work at and act a fool so that you'll lose your job.


I know you're trying to get your life back, but you need to take good care of YOURSELF and THE CHILDREN first.
You need to go through some counseling BEFORE you get in another relationship.

Give yourself some space and room to grow.

[miserable mom]

JubesInquest I understand what your saying, but I am not trying to jump into anything with anybody. I just want to be able to talk to different people and maybe just get the feel of what types of options I have in the future. The bracelets were a gift from my ex, I've known him for 10 years, but I just barely got in touch with him. He doesn't even have my phone number or know where I live or work because I choose not to disclose that information. When he asked if I wanted the bracelets at first I did tell him no. He said he had some and that he didn't need them, so basically its not like he bought them for me he gave them to me because he had them and told me to keep them. The second guy I didn't tell him where I worked or what I did, my sister and her friends did because hes my sister's friend and co-worker. When he gave me the roses what was I suppose to say no I cant accept them? No I don't want them? I mean it was a nice gesture and I understand that there are men out there that do those types of things to get something out of it. However I told him I just broke up with my BD two weeks ago so I am not ready to jump into somethin else.
I mean some people take it as being nice, some people take it as him tying to get some. I am taking in both possibilties, yeah your right I don't know this dude but sometimes its okay to give someone a little bit the benefit of the doubt. Yeah he could be a player just wanting to do something and thats it, or it can also be that I did make a good impression on him and maybe he just really wants to get to know me. I don't know! That is why I'm keeping my eyes open.
I am giving myself space I am not running to neither one of these dudes! I may have been stupid to put up with all the stuff my BD did to me but now I am taking that into consideration. Yeah I already screwed up by doing something with my ex, I did not sleep with him tho, it almost got that far but I stopped him because I realized that I'm not ready! I'm not ready to sleep with anybody else and I told him that afterwards. I don't want to jump into anything, for nine years my BD has put me through every bad thing a man can do to a woman. Now I don't want to make a big mistake and end up with another man like that!

[JubesInquest]

JubesInquest I understand what your saying, but I am not trying to jump into anything with anybody. I just want to be able to talk to different people and maybe just get the feel of what types of options I have in the future. The bracelets were a gift from my ex, I've known him for 10 years, but I just barely got in touch with him. He doesn't even have my phone number or know where I live or work because I choose not to disclose that information. When he asked if I wanted the bracelets at first I did tell him no. He said he had some and that he didn't need them, so basically its not like he bought them for me he gave them to me because he had them and told me to keep them. The second guy I didn't tell him where I worked or what I did, my sister and her friends did because hes my sister's friend and co-worker. When he gave me the roses what was I suppose to say no I cant accept them? No I don't want them? I mean it was a nice gesture and I understand that there are men out there that do those types of things to get something out of it. However I told him I just broke up with my BD two weeks ago so I am not ready to jump into somethin else.
I mean some people take it as being nice, some people take it as him tying to get some. I am taking in both possibilties, yeah your right I don't know this dude but sometimes its okay to give someone a little bit the benefit of the doubt. Yeah he could be a player just wanting to do something and thats it, or it can also be that I did make a good impression on him and maybe he just really wants to get to know me. I don't know! That is why I'm keeping my eyes open.
I am giving myself space I am not running to neither one of these dudes! I may have been stupid to put up with all the stuff my BD did to me but now I am taking that into consideration. Yeah I already screwed up by doing something with my ex, I did not sleep with him tho, it almost got that far but I stopped him because I realized that I'm not ready! I'm not ready to sleep with anybody else and I told him that afterwards. I don't want to jump into anything, for nine years my BD has put me through every bad thing a man can do to a woman. Now I don't want to make a big mistake and end up with another man like that!

Well OK!!!!!!

[kaylar]

I know what you must be going through, my boyfriend also gets abusive and I can?t seem to just get rid of him. I have kicked him out several times?but I?m to much of a push over to just stick by my actions and I let him back in almost instantly. I found that working into a ?step program? is helping. I made up a way to slowly separate from him. The first thing you need to do is find some supportive people to talk to. Then start to have your own life! Go out with friends, or if you don?t have any because of him try to make some! Once you start meeting new people you wont feel so dependent on him. Trust me even though you have been with him for so long once you end things and get to have your own life you will LOVE it!! It?s easier said then done I know?but like I said separate yourself from him slowly so you don?t get overwhelmed. No one deserves to be treated so low.

This is very good advice.
Take it step by step.
Once you have your own life...
and that should include a job...
you will be in control.
You won't be dependent on him.
You'll meet other people and see how
they deal with each other.
And begin to see how sick your
relationship is.