[jen1447]

Frankly I wouldn't put too much stock in it hon. Our bodies tell us to do things sometimes, and if our discretion is muddied thru alcohol or what have you, the chances of this sort of thing actually happening just go way up. But chances are very slim that somehow this guy is your new "the one." On top of that, women and men view sex and hookups often very differently, and while you're feeling all bonding-like he's much more likely taking the casual shag angle. That's just the way it is.

Only other thing to note is that when we spend a lot of time with people - and really where do you spend more time with people than at work? - these sorts of attractions just naturally develop. As nice as those feelings are, it doesn't mean he's "the one" either or that he's a new superhero substitute for your husband. It's really more just a biological function and matter of convenience than destiny or anything like that. The animal side of us is always screening potential sex partners.

Anyway I wouldn't feel too bad about it but I also wouldn't hang my hat on the whole thing.

[Natanne]

It was when opportunity met desire. The question is, why did you develop feelings for this guy? What is the situation with your husband? Generally a person doesn't open themselves up to another relationship unless something is missing or they are naturally into multiple relationships. Another question is, what are you going to do? Was this a one and done for you?

My marriage is struggling but I don't want to leave my husband. Although sometimes I think he would be happier if we separated and he found someone else.
I will try to move on and put the other person out of my mind, easier said than done I'm sure

[Sonny]

Hello everyone. I have this big secret and it's hard to talk with people about it so I thought I would come here anonymously to get some input. This past weekend, I unexpectedly slept with a married man....I don't know what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe advice? Suggestions? Someone who has been in my situation before? Sympathy? Understanding? I just please don't ask for criticism as I tend to beat myself up A LOT when I know I have done something wrong so please believe me that I'm doing enough of that.....Thanks for reading.

Millner,

You didn't do anything wrong. He did.

You didn't take the legal/religious/moral vow to love honor and cherish his wife....he did.

And no one stuck a gun to his head to take that vow of honor.

To your credit you didn't go searching for him like some home wrecker....he went searching for you and still is.

So you have nothing to hide or feel ashamed about....but he does....assuming he can even feel shame....which I doubt.

Which brings me to my million dollar question for you and all "the other" women in your position:

IF HE CAN LIE TO HIS WIFE (and jeopardize the happiness & welfare of his kids)....WHO ARE YOU?

What makes you (all) think he won't lie to you too or or put you in jeopardy or hasn't already?

Yes life happens...but leopards don't change their spots.

As such please pay heed to this narcissistic red warning flag here because this guy clearly puts his wants & needs ahead of everyone else (i.e. you & his wife & his kids).

And he always will.

So as previously stated: have fun with him for now if you want (take that bad boy for a spin) but sever ties (don't buy him).

In short, run for your life.

[Millner]

Millner,

You didn't do anything wrong. He did.

You didn't take the legal/religious/moral vow to love honor and cherish his wife....he did.

And no one stuck a gun to his head to take that vow of honor.

To your credit you didn't go searching for him like some home wrecker....he went searching for you and still is.

So you have nothing to hide or feel ashamed about....but he does....assuming he can even feel shame....which I doubt.

Which brings me to my million dollar question for you and all "the other" women in your position:

IF HE CAN LIE TO HIS WIFE (and jeopardize the happiness & welfare of his kids)....WHO ARE YOU?

What makes you (all) think he won't lie to you too or or put you in jeopardy or hasn't already?

Yes life happens...but leopards don't change their spots.

As such please pay heed to this narcissistic red warning flag here because this guy clearly puts his wants & needs ahead of everyone else (i.e. you & his wife & his kids).

And he always will.

So as previously stated: have fun with him for now if you want (take that bad boy for a spin) but sever ties (don't buy him).

In short, run for your life.

ha ha love this and thanks. I totally agree with you.
I plan on ending things with him in about 10 days as soon as I physically see him. Besides, I like being the one in control and he thinks he is. ha! he will soon be surprised.

[jen1447]

Like the sound of that .... keep us updated hon.

[Trixareforkids]

My marriage is struggling but I don't want to leave my husband. Although sometimes I think he would be happier if we separated and he found someone else.

Natanne, if it was a true one-off and you want to save your relationship, 1st - no matter how bad you feel about it, unless you find out you have an STD, DON'T EVER TELL, telling is for your benefit not theirs. 2nd - it's so hokey but it does work, sit down with a notebook, make a page (front and back) for every part of your relationship that you can think of, financial, laughing together, chores, vacations, sex life, communication, etc. Then write down all the good things that come to mind for each of those categories. Take a second notebook and do the same, except this one is for all the bad things, which you will burn as soon as you are done. Now the next time you have a relationship discussion with your husband, pull out the good things book and share with him all those reasons you want to stay in the relationship and ask how he thinks you could have more of those. The burning of the bad is to remind you to let go of past mistakes, yours and theirs, and the good things is the reminder for both of you why you want to keep trying despite whatever issues you're currently facing.

I hope you find a way back to happiness.

[Sonny]

ha ha love this and thanks. I totally agree with you. I plan on ending things with him in about 10 days as soon as I physically see him. Besides, I like being the one in control and he thinks he is. ha! he will soon be surprised.

Take no prisoners!

[Millner]

ok so I told him not too long ago. Told him that I needed more than what he could give me and he nodded his head in agreement. I also told him that this situation is way too hard because I lose sight of reality and have unrealistic expectations only to be slapped in the face with reality and I can't do that anymore. he looked kind of sad or something and quickly said how he wanted to talk to me about this too but glad I brought it up. I also told him that when his wife finds out (not if) that I do NOT want to be involved in that in which he agreed stating how she would be ****ED if she found out. (that kinda scares me because who knows what scorned woman might do...)

he emphasized how we could still be friends and how he wanted to still be friends.

I know I did the right thing but it just seriously sucks. I know plenty of you have assumed that since he's done this with me he's done it with others but I truly don't believe it. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong but no one knows this 100% except for him but all I have to go off is my gut feeling. if he were single I know what a great relationship we would have but reality states otherwise. he's truly an awesome guy with an awesome personality among other things. I still hurt after doing this but I know time will heal. wasn't expecting all of this to hit me as hard as it did emotionally. blah

[Trixareforkids]

Sorry, I know these types of situations are hard. But I hope you know you cannot still be friends, this type of situation needs a clean break.

[Millner]

what is your reasoning behind the statement we cannot be friends?