[jen1447]

Adultery is not illegal in the US, but there may be states that do not have no-fault divorce where it could effect a divorce. (anyone know?).

Yes indeed, civilly, which is why I said "Affairs more commonly only come into consideration in matters of child custody or divorce settlements." That will apply to the married person tho, not their lover. dreams1961 seemed to be pointing the finger at Millner here by posting in this thread. That's inaccurate as she would not be a principal in a divorce settlement specifically in any way. Divorce settlements are naturally limited to spouses.

Also I don't think it's much of a stretch to assume that this forum is culturally western for the most part (as opposed to one based in a totalitarian or third world country), so the assertion of illegality is plainly wrong in that context. If he/she meant "in Iran" or somewhere, it would be their obligation to point that out. Otherwise it would be like me going to Iranian Women's Health-dot-com and saying "Adultery is perfectly legal, ladies. Have fun!"

[Claret]

Actually adultery is still illegal in 23 of the United States and in Canada.

The punishment of adultery ranges from a $10 fine to an apparent life imprisonment. Even though adultery is illegal in 23 states, it is rarely ever enforced. It generally is prosecuted under the Divorce Act rather than as a criminal act.

The other party can be sued for alienation of affection and contributing to the breakdown of a marriage.

[Trixareforkids]

Yup, listen to your (non-wanton) self, do what feels right for you, and really think about what Jen said, run the show! He's got a whole life that has nothing to do with you so you have to make sure that if you're going to have him in your life it's only by and for your grace.

[jen1447]

Actually adultery is still illegal in 23 of the United States and in Canada.

Absolutely (and humorously lol) true, but it's much like the holdover laws for sodomy. I live in one of the felony states where the penalty is a potential life prison term, and I can tell you there is absolutely zero chance of being prosecuted for adultery here. Courts rarely even take it into consideration as grounds for divorce itself. I'm not hypothesizing or imagining - the BF works in the industry.

[Claret]

Absolutely (and humorously lol) true, but it's much like the holdover laws for sodomy. I live in one of the felony states where the penalty is a potential life prison term, and I can tell you there is absolutely zero chance of being prosecuted for adultery here. Courts rarely even take it into consideration as grounds for divorce itself. I'm not hypothesizing or imagining - the BF works in the industry.

There are other archaic statutes on the books along the line of having sex in anything other than the missionary position, you can be flogged and chained to the pillory or some such other punishment. Weird stuff you know?

[jen1447]

Yeah, very weird. Sadly it goes from weird to horrifying when you hear that women in some places are still stoned to death for related 'transgressions.' Those instances tend to be beyond sexist in that women seem to bear all the responsibility to behave or else.

[rcoreyus]

Actually having serious but unenforced laws like that on the books is very dangerous. The could be used for retaliation, or political gain. Its possible than an unpopular defendant could actually be convicted.

[Millner]

Adultery is illegal and spouse can sue

incorrect. in my state it's assumed that if an affair is occurring, then the marriage has been "off" for awhile.

[Natanne]

Hi,
This is the 1st time I've been on a site and I am on here now as I have a similar circumstance. I've been married for over 10 yrs and had never been tempted to cheat until recently. 12 months ago I started to develop feelings for a married man at work. We get along so well and have so much in common. When we work together I struggle to hide how I feel, but I thought it was 1 sided and all in my head. I didn't think he felt the same. When we were away for work after dinner he asked to come up for a drink. I knew it was wrong but I thought it would just be flirting but we ended up having sex. I've never cheated before but was not a virgin when I got married. The sex was really emotional and romantic, not a lustful shag. I'm really confused, I had had a few wines so I'm not sure if what I thought happened was all in my head emotional romantic for me but just sex to him? Does anyone have any advice

[jns]

It was when opportunity met desire. The question is, why did you develop feelings for this guy? What is the situation with your husband? Generally a person doesn't open themselves up to another relationship unless something is missing or they are naturally into multiple relationships. Another question is, what are you going to do? Was this a one and done for you?