[CHANDLERS WISH]

tjm we haven't welcomed you to WH, so welcome. It takes a while to get to know any Forum and you've made mention this is your first.

Must admit it took me a while to realise that most posters that have been here a while have other threads that may relate or give a perspective on their next thread started. I think we were all quite shocked at the way in which calibri's previous thread turned from her original question/post to the reality of the situation, would you like me to link it here so you can have a read?

[effy2014]

Ok, well if after I apologize and try to explain myself you still won't let it go then it does kinda seem like you're attacking me for simply having an opinion. You said it before....you thought it was harsh. Point made. I apologized. Nothing more I can do.

And I apologize if it seemed like I was attacking you personally. This was never intended to be about you but about Calibri's issues. No further explanations needed. Of you would like to read more, go to the "sleeping with SO" thread under "general" in the physical/mental health category.

[Something_Awesome]

Haha you guys are great! Something awesome.... I think you would probably have a look of puzzlement if you saw a photo of me and my SO together!! I don't often think about it this way, but I hope I'm hot enough to compensate for the amount of crazy I own....I won't comment on SO. Believe it or not I fell for his personality (when we shared a lot of negative, pessimistic and destructive values). I feel like a different person now and I hope a better one.

What do you love so much about your SO now? .what's your favorite thing about him? Can you name more than one? Is he a person you just can't live without? If not, then I suggest trying to find someone else.

[calibri~]

What do I still love about him?off the top of my head.... that he works hard and takes pride in his work, that he can be incredibly loyal, and that he is really smart and interested in current affairs (so he can explain to me all the news stuff I don't read cos I'm too busy reading research articles...). I think I could live without him. I don't know. How could I really know.

[jen1447]

You can live without anybody. No one's irreplaceable or even absolutely necessary.

[Something_Awesome]

That's not living...... That's just existing.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Anyone note SA's signature?

Cal, nothing you said, stated " he shows me love, he is always there for me, we have great conversations, I can hold him in bed, we have simular core values, he is passionate about where I want to go in life.

You talk about a "man" whom has some things in life that you admire as a "person". And, then a teacher who teaches you things you are un-aware of in life.

They are good things but some of us could give you that. Love is completely different and I hope with all hope you will see that, as you can see, you are much loved here.

CW

[calibri~]

That's the thing isn't it Jen, to say you couldn't live without someone is to say that if they die, you too will die (of a broken heart or by your own hand)...but this isn't a Shakespeare play.....

hehe yeah nice sig something awesome

Chandler's wish - I actually feel pretty bad about not coming up with anything about caring or loving or anything like that, but the thing is, despite the obvious recent fb fiasco, I am palpably honest about things. The reason i feel bad, nigh on guilty for not listing those things I probably 'aught to' as someone in a longterm relationship, is that my SO and I love each other, care for each other, support each other and accept each other but the thing is, we have drifted to two different plains...we cannot feel each others support, care, love or even acceptance any more even though they are there in some intageable form that only the other can see and feel. When we met I could have listed very many things that I loved about him: his doting nature, patience, selflessness, insight, sense of humour etc but over the years, as i say, i kind of don't feel those things connect to me any more, like they are hanging in mid-air and I can't grasp them, or don't want to.
Let me explain. I used to find my SO incredibly funny. WE used to laugh a LOT - he was very self-deprecating, making many jokes about himself, so that any he made about others didn't feel like attacks, but rather balanced. I found his jeuvenile jokes and inflammatory remarks hilarious because of the responses he got from people, knowing that deep down he didn't really think those things and was just doing it to press buttons. After some years, his humour has darkened (and mine lightened), to the point that I actually find his 'humourous' japes quite offensive and upsetting / disturbing. I suspect if other parts of our relationship were fixed I would start to find him funnier again but when almost every jokey comment he makes is about feces, or killing someone, or gay sex, or racial slurs...its kinda...er......not cool any more. I can take a joke about almost anything usually, be it physical, ideological, sexual, whatever...but as soon as it crosses the line into what i consider judgemental or needlessly cruel it's no longer funny.

people here love me? hehe, well, i guess you mean appreciate / accept rather than love? I know what love is (platonic or otherwise)
I love my best friends because:
they accept me no matter how crazy I get
they make me feel great about myself
we have fun together
we can talk about anything without judgement
even if we don't talk for months, when we do its like we just spoke yesterday
their smiles
how they hug me uninvitedly! (SO thinks he has to ask permission - its very weird)
they are all round amazing people (despite flaws :P)
.....and so on.

[calibri~]

oh hey! looking at that list, I guess I love you guys too!! or at least your forum personae

[jen1447]

That's not living...... That's just existing.

It's easy to think of life that way when you're nuts about somebody, but what if you're not nuts about somebody? They can go away very easily. And single people can be quite happy - not really up to us to tell them they aren't.

And the truth is, even the love-of-my-life types aren't irreplaceable. If they were, everyone who gets dumped would be dead. If Godzilla came to your town and SAGF was one of his victims, you'd grieve for a year or two and move on. That's just life buddy, people do it all the time.