[calibri~]

I want to get off birth control because it makes me feel terrible. My SO is very strongly against it and says I am making up the symptoms I have....he's welcome to investigate fir himself but....he'd pass out.
I cannot take other hormonal birth control due to migraine. I am too young to be sterilised (I keep asking) and SO doesn't want to use barrier methods and will not consider a vasectomy. This pill is my only chance, even though I hate it ( my old one was discontinued).

Am I willing to make changes? Some. I have been to individual therapy to try and sort some stuff out but it hasn't made things any easier with my SO. I will not change my personality or morals. What changes do you think are required?

BTW my SO is not willing to try and change unless I become somehow perfect first because he thinks everything ismy fault. Andmaybe it is.

[calibri~]

As for going out for dinner...hmm...that's a tricksy one. My SO is not particularly good dinner company. He doesn't want to get dressed up, wants to eat as early as possible, has nothing to say over dinner. Eats as fast as he can and makes me do all the ordering, decision making etc. I often do not like restaurant food, so tend not to eat much of something I dislike. SO gets very angry about this. He didn't want to drive and won't trust me to so we have to take a bus or walk or taxi. Plus I'll have to pay for everything.

My family on the other hand, no problem with driving, accept my preferences but don't blame me if we go somewhere a bit off based on their veggie menu, only roll their eyes if I dislike my food, talk about all sorts of things over dinner, enjoy the food, and generally make for a relatively relaxing time. (as relaxing as it can be with two eating disordereds, one recovered, a three year old kid, one sane one and one terminal cancer patient with no appetite). Being the recovered and healthy one, I have to lead by example and show my folks that food isn't bad and meals can be pleasant.

[Farmer by trade]

How old are you guys?

Btw, I'm 48, married 25 yrs, with 4 kids, two out of the house , two in high school.
Self employed in agribusiness and also have a farm business.

[calibri~]

We are both 31 not married, no kids, no farms.

[Farmer by trade]

That sounds tough. In your opinion what do both of you want / get from the relationship. Is he really that ornery? Has always been that way? Does he have friends?

[Motorguy]

I want to get off birth control because it makes me feel terrible. My SO is very strongly against it and says I am making up the symptoms I have....he's welcome to investigate fir himself but....he'd pass out.
I cannot take other hormonal birth control due to migraine. I am too young to be sterilised (I keep asking) and SO doesn't want to use barrier methods and will not consider a vasectomy. This pill is my only chance, even though I hate it ( my old one was discontinued).

Am I willing to make changes? Some. I have been to individual therapy to try and sort some stuff out but it hasn't made things any easier with my SO. I will not change my personality or morals. What changes do you think are required?

BTW my SO is not willing to try and change unless I become somehow perfect first because he thinks everything ismy fault. Andmaybe it is.

Well Calibri have you tried the Depo-Provera shot for birth control instead of the pill. Your SO from what i read it seem to me it's all about him he wouldn't really consider getting a vasectomy so you can completely stop birth control. From what I see there is some really serous issue in this relationship. He rather see you suffering from taking these pills then has the gall to say you making all these symptoms up. I am sorry but this is very mean as he thinks the sun rises and set on his **** only. You deserve better in your life then this guy Calibri,I am sorry but life is way to short to deal with all these issue with SO. I think you know what to do beyond this so good luck.

[calibri~]

I won't take depo, nor will a doctor sanction it because if I get crippling migraines then I'm stuck with it for months. The stroke risk seems to be a hindrance. I know both this pill and depo are just progestin but I react to progesterone with migraine with aura....At least with the pill I could theoretically stop any day if it gets too much. (no migraine this month...woohoo).

[Motorguy]

I won't take depo, nor will a doctor sanction it because if I get crippling migraines then I'm stuck with it for months. The stroke risk seems to be a hindrance. I know both this pill and depo are just progestin but I react to progesterone with migraine with aura....At least with the pill I could theoretically stop any day if it gets too much. (no migraine this month...woohoo).

Oh OK gotcha Calibri i am sorry you are going through all this it really sucks.One other thing have you looked into the Norplant as well or getting fitted for a diaphragm, then there's the Navring as well. Have you look into this type of birth control devices as well.

[Motorguy]

I want to get off birth control because it makes me feel terrible. My SO is very strongly against it and says I am making up the symptoms I have....he's welcome to investigate fir himself but....he'd pass out.
I cannot take other hormonal birth control due to migraine. I am too young to be sterilised (I keep asking) and SO doesn't want to use barrier methods and will not consider a vasectomy. This pill is my only chance, even though I hate it ( my old one was discontinued).

Am I willing to make changes? Some. I have been to individual therapy to try and sort some stuff out but it hasn't made things any easier with my SO. I will not change my personality or morals. What changes do you think are required?

BTW my SO is not willing to try and change unless I become somehow perfect first because he thinks everything ismy fault. Andmaybe it is.

Well first of all no one is perfect he's not even perfect. As it really makes me sad you are living like this with this man Calibri he not the only man on this planet for you. My self I be looking to get out of this mentally abusive relationship and move on this is not healthy at all. With you staying it will never get better ever with this guy period. I say thank god one of my daughters is not dating a guy like this. You could rest a sure it would end before it even started with me around. I wish you luck Calibri the ball is in your court you have to make a decision about your boy friend.

[calibri~]

Thanks motorguy. I'm still mulling things over
As for norplant and nuvaring they are both progestin contraceptives. So are a nono as in no doctor will prescribe for me.

Diaphragms seem so fiddly and you have to leave them in for ages afterwards...SO wouldn't trust this as it in barrier. I try to discuss our options but he won't discuss like an adult and just tells me to get on with taking this pill like every other woman does.
My doctor has said it's this pill or barrier. End of discussion.
Sigh