[WaveRider]

Hi amy40,

We've been together 11+ years.

We were boyfriend-girlfriend for about 3 years. Some 5 years ago, when her divorced was finalized, she learned that she was broke. She hasn't handled it well. She refuses to get a job. She believes she is owed what she wants. Her family supports her. He ex is not employable. Through the years, it has gotten worse, which I attributed to menopause. Excellent sex diverted my attention from her behavior. Since I knew I wasn't going to marry her, I didn't much care. I've reached a point where excellent sex doesn't do it for me. I'd rather have a woman who's my best friend.

There was also the health safety factor: I knew she was STD free and she knows I am. I will not risk my health for sex.

I sincerely hope what she's looking for without being used for sex and dumped.

[amy40]

I'd rather have a woman who's my best friend.

good luck finding a women who will be your best friend without marrying them; don't think that is possible!

from your posts it seems you do care for her but in a way you want to control her by making her get a job and if she did then you might marry her which is what she wants, however she's in her 50's

it's difficult to tell older woman what to do; if her parents are willing to support her, why should she get a job?
she sees you retired in your 50's and if I were her, I would not want to get a job, either
she raised a child (unless her husband did) and raising a child IS work

I'm sure being together for 11 years, you BOTH have feelings for each other, how could you both not especially having sex together?

guess you're pursuing gym girl now and have broken up with g/f? hope it works out for you

[atskitty2]

amy, not all women want to be married, or see any need for that.

[amy40]

amy, not all women want to be married, or see any need for that.

I know that but waverider wants to find a "best friend" that's a girl and just imagine that would be difficult
especially from so many posts on here of men having difficulty finding women to date

wouldn't it be even more difficult to find a women to be a friend only?
most women have friends already, their girlfriends, they don't "need" a man friend

most women are talkers (we all have way more words to use us each day according to science)
and most men are not that good at listening so women to women are better "friends"

men want to hang out and watch a game (as waverider mentioned in a post)
parties been to, the men and women always separate with the women gabbing and the men around the tv or grill
even this past summer, the woman of the house told husband.....all the men are inside drinking beer by the TV

I'm sure it's possible for men and women to "just" be friends but it will be more difficult to find a friend over finding a girlfriend, wouldn't it?

[atskitty2]

I have made men friends from the dating sites, so yes. There's interest in building friendships too, from both male and female. I'm often one of the few women who are at the TV watching football rather than hanging out with the women...depends on my mood, the game, the people involved. Now that I think of it, I've come away with more friends, than boyfriends.

My interpretation of WR's meaning is that he's looking to build a friendship *with* the romantic attachment, not just a sexual-based relationship. You seem to have interpreted him to be looking for a female friend only.

Building relationships is hard, as we get older. Romantic or otherwise. It just is, for whatever reason.

[amy40]

I have made men friends from the dating sites, so yes.

that's great!

maybe I did misinterpret WR's posts; can't really figure him out or what he really wants

[jns]

I know that but waverider wants to find a "best friend" that's a girl and just imagine that would be difficult
especially from so many posts on here of men having difficulty finding women to date

It may be harder to find a woman who is a best friend than one to date or marry. A lot of times the difficulty is related to looking in the wrong place or not being willing to go more than the next town over.

[WaveRider]

good luck finding a women who will be your best friend without marrying them; don't think that is possible!

from your posts it seems you do care for her but in a way you want to control her by making her get a job and if she did then you might marry her which is what she wants, however she's in her 50's

it's difficult to tell older woman what to do; if her parents are willing to support her, why should she get a job?
she sees you retired in your 50's and if I were her, I would not want to get a job, either
she raised a child (unless her husband did) and raising a child IS work

I'm sure being together for 11 years, you BOTH have feelings for each other, how could you both not especially having sex together?

guess you're pursuing gym girl now and have broken up with g/f? hope it works out for you

Good Morning, amy40,

I don't want to control her. I don't want to control anyone. Assuming a woman needs to be controlled, that would imply a defect of which I do not want to assume responsibility. I want a squared away woman. A woman who needs to be controlled ain't all there, and I don't want to hang with such people.

If you were her and didn't want to become employed and self-sustaining, who'd you expect to take care of you? Who's responsible for taking care of you?

I'm good with anyone who doesn't want to work. I'm good with people in leaching relationships as long as they aren't leaching off of taxpayers. If a grown woman leaches off of her mother and her mother is good with it, that's their business, not mine. However, I can make a judgment about her character...or lack thereof.

No. I'm not pursuing gym girl. I've been fighting a severe cold. I haven't been in the the gym in 5 days, which is a long time away for me. She has texted me. I haven't replied.

I'm getting used to doing what I want when I want to do it. I don't need anyone. I would appreciate connecting with a woman who's my best friend. But I ain't dating anyone just to date. I'd rather assemble a puzzle with missing pieces that endure an evening with a chick whom I do not much like.

I did retire young...too young. Leisure livin' gets old real quick, especially when you're used to being extremely active. I'm thinking of doing a Costa Rica trip, by myself, no male or female friends, just me doing what the heck I wanna do. Maybe I'll come home with a new g/f. Costa Rican chicks can be drop dead gorgeous.

The difference between my g/f and me is I've earned every last nickel I have. No one has given me a thing. I've had to work my way though college. I've never expected a handout from anyone, not even government. I'm good with charity. I ain't good with people who make up reasons for demanding largess from government, which is really theft of money from people who've earned it and handing it to the lazy who don't want to work, nor do they want to make themselves marketable. They're leaches on the productive. The best welfare we can give leaches are jobs.

My g/f has been in contact with me. She wants action. I know her better than she knows herself. Even if I wanted to ride her to ecstasy and put her away exhausted (She loves being porned like a cheap s_l_u_t, which, I believe, is a reaction to being raised in privilege, but I treat her like a queen outta bedrooms.), I ain't feeling up to it. However, her wanting acton means she ain't getting it from other dudes.

[WaveRider]

It may be harder to find a woman who is a best friend than one to date or marry. A lot of times the difficulty is related to looking in the wrong place or not being willing to go more than the next town over.

^^^Dude, you are 100% right. Your answer is all about wisdom and experience^^^

Women looking for marriage are a dime a dozen. A quality woman who is best friend material is more rare and far more valuable than a Golconda diamond mine.

[WaveRider]

I have made men friends from the dating sites, so yes. There's interest in building friendships too, from both male and female. I'm often one of the few women who are at the TV watching football rather than hanging out with the women...depends on my mood, the game, the people involved. Now that I think of it, I've come away with more friends, than boyfriends.

My interpretation of WR's meaning is that he's looking to build a friendship **with** the romantic attachment, not just a sexual-based relationship. You seem to have interpreted him to be looking for a female friend only.

Building relationships is hard, as we get older. Romantic or otherwise. It just is, for whatever reason.

^^^Extremely insightful and accurate analysis: in the words of Mona Lisa Vito in "My Cousin Vinny" and you're dead on balls accurate!!!


I have a lot of female friends. I get along very well with women. I actually like confident women best. I appreciate the heck outta a women who ain't afraid to eyeball me and tell me that I'm wrong. I'd rather be righted when I'm wrong than naively reach conclusions based upon wrong premises.

I don't bang my women friends. Our relationships are founded upon friendship, not sex.

A huge benefit of women friends is they're excellent sources of sex info; however, they ask me stuff far more than I ask them. One of my woman friends wanted to know how soon she should give it up. I told her that there is no magic date number on which she's supposed to give it up. It could be the first of 100th, it ain't gonna matter. If he's feeling it for her, when sex occurs is immaterial. He's gonna stick around because he feels it for her. Another wanted to know whether she should ask a dude for a blood test before sex. I told her that I'd greatly admire a woman who'd ask for a STD panel before sex. It shows that she is health conscious.

I have a lot of men friends. Believe me, men can be devious snakes, especially when it comes to sex. One dude I know would hit on anyone's g/f. I don't trust him. Another has to BS his way down a chick's pants, and his BS stories haven't worked for him because he ain't been laid in years. He ought to try being himself.

Were I backed in a corner, I'd have to say that I trust my women friends more than my dude friends. Most dudes will do anything to get laid. It's as though they have no pride.

Anecdote: every one of my friends, male & female, who know my g/f have told me to bail on her. My g/f really believes the wealth imputes honor and good character. The irony is money often imputes the opposite.

With my g/f, it's all about two important criteria: the best sex I've ever had, and I know that she's STD free, and that's a huge criterion.