[amy40]

My current g/f wants marriage. I won't marry her. Another angle is working on resolving our differences in effort to see if we can create a future for ourselves.
What do you think?

she wants to get married....you don't
you want her personality to change.....it won't

what I have learned is:
you can't change other people, only yourself and your own reactions
no one is perfect.....no one
everyone has their quirks, one decides if they will see the good and ignore or laugh about the not so good
everyone is about as happy as they make up their minds to be
we can work on being the best versions of ourselves and accept other people for who they are
when we let go of our own expectations of others, we see them in a new light
we can always improve.....ourselves

[Popcorn&Candy]

I second amy40's post.

[WaveRider]

Hi amy40,

I'm under no delusion that I can change anyone.

I'm not looking for perfection. If it does exist, it would be an opinion. I'm looking for mutual compatibility.

I'm not sure how you define "quirks". The are many personality abnormalities that I will not accept. To do so could required compromising ethics and morality.

I have to accept no one. I can choose to accept people who possess personality traits that I admire. As an aside, those who are quick to tell others that they have to accept people who hold beliefs that are offensive (Antifa, kneeling NFL players, etc.) are most vociferous in their irrational hatred of President Trump.

I do agree that unhappy people are usually that way because of their poor life choices. I know miserable-in-marriage people who won't divorce. They'd rather be married and miserable than endeavor to improve their ives.

[amy40]

I'm not sure how you define "quirks".

passing through the channels one day, saw someone being interviewed, don't even know who they were but he said he has his quirks, his wife has her quirks but they're together to the end ,just thought that was sweet

[amy40]

The difference between my g/f and me is I've earned every last nickel I have. No one has given me a thing. I've had to work my way though college. .

money seems to be why you don't want to marry the women you've spent 11 yrs ,even though that what she wants
but it does seem you both might be dependent on each other (and not just sex)
it's like you can't be with her but can't be without her and she probably feels the same way about you

[WaveRider]

Hi amy40,

If I were to marry again, she'd have to be my best friend with whom I'm in love. We don't have to be alike in every aspect of life, but regarding important aspects, we have to have common ground.

Opposites might attract, but the same will stay together.

I've told her that if she finds Mr. Marriage Material that she should go with her instincts. But the So Cal reality indicates it's very remote that she'll find a dude who'll want to marry her. It would be her third marriage. Stats for third marriages lasting are poor-to-rotten.

Besides incredible sex, we do share a lot of commonalities. Her phony elitism is a total deal breaker. I hate arguing. She'll argue over where to eat. It could be due to hormonal shift. Or it could be her true personality that she was able to conceal when she was ballin', meaning in big $$$. She thinks that being short of money is beneath her.

[atskitty2]

I'm curious what is this hormonal imbalance that she's had all her life, that you've mentioned before? Is this a medically diagnosed, recognized condition, or self-diagnosed?

[WaveRider]

Good Morning, atskitty2,

Elevated testosterone that was diagnosed by her endocrinologist. I've been told that 25% of women have elevated testosterone. My g/f's physician offered to treat her for it. She declined. She told her physician that she loves sex.

My g/f told me that after she began having sex in high school, she craved it. Whether her promiscuity was due to elevated testosterone is beyond me.

I do know for an absolute fact that she can become extremely b_i_t_c_h_y. After she has a few orgasms and has her brains banged out, she's a completely different person. So it could be that she sought sex for euphoria. Oxytocin that women's brains release during orgasm can shift a woman's personality from negative to positive, especially if she has a behavioral disorder. In essence, sex for some women is akin to self-medication. My g/f has told me that she believes that she's addicted to sex.

Many times I've suspected that she has a behavioral disorder. But then again, it could be due to a hormonal shift due to age. I have no clue.

It is ecumenical that sex does put women in better humor.

[atskitty2]

Did she ever tell you at what age this diagnosis was made, and why she was being tested for it?

[WaveRider]

Hi atskitty2,

Early 40's, thyroid issue. Her physician prescribed comprehensive blood work, which indicated elevated testosterone.