[thack]

no worries, I am posting here to do 2 things, get the stuff swirling around in my head out in a healthy manner (dont want to become an alcoholic, thats counter productive) and try to see whats going on in her head. Everything you have said has been in my mind for a long time, but every time I brought it up to her, she told me that I was the one with the family history of mental illness (again my mother) and that she wasnt. She is a proud woman, and I am trying to be the same even feeling as shredded as I do right now, I am in a very competitive work environment (army special forces) and I try very hard to not bring my work attitude past the front door. But I know and realize that I have, and apologized to her for that when it was an issue. I know that because of my job, which has almost a 70% divorce rate, as well as the history between my wife and I, that its an uphill battle. My brother is a Green Beret too, and his wife left him while he was gone, but she was cheating on him. So I know how a lot of this feels now, and thankfully he's been there for me to vent to during this whole situation. Sadly its brought up old feelings of his too.

This is just a big old mess. I wish she would get counseling, thats one main thing that I asked my legal rep about, if I could ask that she seek personal counseling (ill pay the bill for a while) even in the event of a split. I want her to be happy, even if it is not with me. All thought I would be extremely happy if it was with me.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It's very hard for you where you are and you HAVE TO, somehow leave it at the door when and if in battle ok.

Our Administrator has a man in Iraq, she fears daily. Beautiful soul...

You can guide her but you can't make her.

I wish you all the success in the world to pull this together, you have a good heart.

Your Mother and her problems are your wifes defense, one day she will see that it is the fears and things that happened in her life and that you were always there for her.

Take heart.

Things take time in life.

Don't push. be there and never give up.

CW

[thack]

I am trying, I am remaining as willing to help as I can, but she's just in a giant ball of anger, rage, fear, confusion, and who knows what else. I am trying to keep my faith, I am trying not to give up. I just hope I dont have to lose her, before I can win her back.

But, its out of my control, as you said. Feeling helpless is just something that goes with this day to day. Which is why I am here in the first place, trying to get some piece of mind, an outsiders point of view, and anything else that may help me to cope with this, or heal my marriage, or just myself in general.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I am trying, I am remaining as willing to help as I can, but she's just in a giant ball of anger, rage, fear, confusion, and who knows what else. I am trying to keep my faith, I am trying not to give up. I just hope I dont have to lose her, before I can win her back.

But, its out of my control, as you said. Feeling helpless is just something that goes with this day to day. Which is why I am here in the first place, trying to get some piece of mind, an outsiders point of view, and anything else that may help me to cope with this, or heal my marriage, or just myself in general.

Why not send one liner emails every few days.

Something to ponder over, bring her back a bit.

Like: " I love you, your a beautiful soul" that's it nothing more.

It is possible that you have bought something out in her that has been eating at her for years... The best way for her to deal with it is to shut you out, as she doesn't want to know.

That is why I am saying... Just send a note... not a story, not a love letter, just a note, here and there...

Take away the threat...

CW

[thack]

That could indeed be the case.

I will see if I can give that a shot.

(since she told my command that I threatened her, I have to almost request to talk to her... which does not help this situation at all.)

Sadly, i have never been a quick little note kind of guy, I always want to talk about everything and all at once. maybe its time to try something new, since my way was not working, helping, anything.

[thack]

All I can do right now, is hope, and pray (a lot) that she will stop her march to the sea.

I feel so lonely, its hard to even say that, but its true.
I should be happy, looking forward to talking to my son, and my wife whom I love very much.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Proud people, find it hard to admit that they have a problem.

It does make it difficult, but nothing is impossible in life, remember that.

One liners? Well, :- Go back to when you met,

1. I close my eyes and still see you wearing that white and red dress when we first met, you look as beautiful now as you did on that day.

2. I may be away, I may be far.. But, you do know that your in my thoughts, dreams every day, both of you... Wish I could hold you now.

3. I stare at your picture every day... Remember, my wife, I love you.

Try those although I am sure she wasn't wearing red and white dress...

Tell your boss that you want to try, to get through to her, your love for her and this is what you want to do. He can watch you send it if he wants to.

Tell him, your married right? Wouldn't you do what ever it took?

Be strong, and remember, you can't save the world ok.. If she doesn't come around and she doesn't seek help, you can't save her...

I know it's lonley where you are and I am glad you have your brother to talk to.

You have us as well.

Use this thread to simply do what you are doing, share how you feel and write it down..

Your not alone on this you know.

CW

[thack]

Yup, I know I am not alone. This situation has made me realize a lot of things, including fixing something I have not had in about 8 years... Faith. I stopped praying and even doubted if there was a god in 2001 when my grandmother died. This whole situation with my family in jeopardy, has really made me realize that I am something very small in a larger scheme again. This is a very humbling event, and I know that I have websites, online communities like this that I can share my views and fears fairly safely, and that does indeed help. But, like you said, its on her end right now, I am totally willing, ready, able, and did i mention willing ? to do what it takes for this to come back around, so we can have a happier, more fulfilling relationship, for 2 things, 1. its what I want to share with her- for life, and 2. I want our son to NOT feel any of the shortcomings that we feel we had in our child hoods.

I picked her 8 years ago, and I would pick her again today. But, I dont need to convince [I]you all[I] of that. Its her I need to come back to me, and let me help her seek closure for a troubled child hood, and reconciliation for a rocky marriage.

But, bottom line is, I am willing.

[thack]

lol, O- she was wearing white and red the night we met.... what are the odds :P

[CHANDLERS WISH]

lol - bloody he11...

White witch does it again

CW