[thack]

well today was a bit of a bad day, I was notified on myspace, a post to a bulletin i posted, my wife said "give it a rest, the papers are in the mail"

I really dont know what to do here, which way to go. I am praying very hard, asking for guidance, help, answers. I do not want to give up, but I do not want to kill myself trying either, that makes no sense.

I love this woman, but she is not her right now. she is someone else. She is buying into whatever anyone we know / knew is telling her, she is not thinking for herself. I know that, i can see that, all of her friends are paranoid and insecure about men, and that does not help a paranoid and insecure woman.

all in all, I can say, I have done more than she has in this situation, learning, working, trying, civility, all of that and more. I put forth the effort that I thought was needed to fix this.

I will love her for the rest of my life, there is no changing that.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I wasn't going to reply, rather allow other's until i read what you wrote.

Those were her words?

They are cold.

No concern at all to how you feel.

I was wondering if she had post natal depression, after the baby, coupled with having to do a lot of this alone, but I think you are right, the friends are not being friends, they seem to prefer her to be one of them, and she seems to be heading there.

Thack, all i can say is "say fine"... do the reverse phsycology, ignore, set her free, by doing so, she will wonder why you aren't being the " hoping one, the one talking about her, your family" although alot is based on your child more so in what you write, with her included, as aposed to her only and then your son....

Change the pattern of your writing on My-Space that is where she is reading.

Simple comment: "My wife I will love and always remember" My child will be in my life regardless.... But, today, i realise that I want someone who also wants me"...

Leave it at that..

She may go through with things, she may start venturing but what will happen in 12 months and along the way?

Will she miss the connection, communication, hurt by the idiot men out there ( sorry guys) realise what she had?

If you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't it never was and guess what? Your child will be in your life forever, but, someone else will give you, their all, if she doesn't work it out. Understand, 8 years, 26 years of age, young... Off course you love her, and always will but understand, she may be your first, your soul, she may not be your soul mate and the more and more you try,the more you are losing.

Swap it .... think of what I have said. Women absoultely HATE rejection...

Take care, and have a think on a different angle in doing all of this from here.

CW

[thack]

Well, I went along with your idea, but i just added to something I had posted all ready.

A father's prayer.

I am very disappointed in her right now, I really am. She gave into everything that she said she never would, she did not remain very civil in all of this, and she did not unconditionally love me the way we promised to love each other. I know people change, people grow, but who wants to stay the same?

I know that I have put forth more than my fair share of effort in trying to keep this marriage together. I have exhausted myself, and I have 2 more books coming my way soon, I will read them, not for her, but for me. So that when I feel the time is right, and I want to give this another shot, or for if she does try to come back, I will be armed with knowledge. I feel that knowing a lot of stuff from professionals, combined with experiences, you can do a lot more than you could with out all of that. That's just a no brainer.

Who knows what the right answer is, I dont even think that I will send her little letters in the mail saying I love her, I think I will just talk to my son, that's all I can do. And at this point, that is all I want to do. I do not wish to talk to her right now, because I do not think I could do it civilly, I am so angry with her, and so frustrated and disappointed its unreal. I guess I will read the paperwork when it gets here, and just continue to prepare to live alone when I get home. Bout all I can do.

I do not want to give up, but my brother keeps telling me,
"its not giving up when the other person is telling you to stop, don't kill yourself over this"
and as much as I hate to admit it, he has a point. I can't do her share of the work, everything resides on her shoulders. That is a fact.

But yes, I feel she had PND, and I was afraid that me being gone during it would cause problems, and here we are. We could not survive the after baby stress apparently. She wouldn't let us.

I have no regrets, I did everything I could. It is time to turn it off I guess, and just let what happens, happen. I just don't know if I could reconcile after a legitimate split like divorce, IF she was to try and come back to me within the year, or whatever. I just don't know.

I will love my son, and I will care for him for the rest of my life. That IS a promise.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Wow, well you are hurt, rightly so..

Her words "get over it" your brother is right.

Fair call, "if it comes back no way"

Correct your son is there forever, nothing anyone can do.

I don't know the answer other than my previous advise won't work she is in a different place.

Ignore, accept, feel, wait a few weeks but after that know you are WORTH YOUR WEIGHT IN GOLD

because you are...

You are 26 you are young ok.

Always light at the end of any tunnel...


Let's hope and no more writing on your wall about her, let her ponder.


good luck and please keep writing


CW

[thack]

I guess thats it.

indeed, no more writing on the wall. And I will make no more posts on myspace regarding marital / relationship help, I felt good doing it, but not if she's going to sit there and fume about it, thinking its all directed at her. I felt like I may actually have been helping someone, while maybe, just maybe, that she would indeed read and soften up a little.

I have to separate, I went through my pictures today on my computer, i separated every one that she is in, and put it into a special folder. That way I can browse my pictures of friends and family, without seeing her face when i dont want to.

I do want someone who wants me just as much as I do them. I am tired, I want a break.

I am thinking of moving to japan and working with my brother if this comes full circle. I would not get to see my son as much though. I am on the fence about it.

I need someone who can stand by me, through thick AND thin, not when its just easy or convenient. I deserve that much.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You are young. Your son is young. He will always know who his Father is, what is important now is you.

I am glad that you have done what you have done, as hard as that is, YOU are important and as I said, if you change the ways in which you do, maybe she will just see the reality at some point and then it is your decision.

At this point her words are cold and you don't deserve that, and at this point she can't see, so this will be a good testing point for her to do so.

Not seeing what you usually write, what you did before she stopped you, now you put it out there on My-Space and she says get a life.

If you take the "power" away from her what does she have?

PONDER< THINKING, CONFUSION...

Time to be you..

What i said before rings true.

XX

CW

[thack]

I agree, he would not even be here if it was not for me.

I usually dont write anything on myspace, It was something new that seemed to help me cope with all of this, but she tried to take that away from me. so whatever, I will write about my son. He is my focus now anyway, i am tired, exhausted as i said, sick of trying to help a woman learn how to love, who is incapable of love. She blames me for to much that I have not done to her, stuff that happened to her before I was even in the picture, I cannot compete with that any more.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

There is a blog section here where you can write your thoughts, journal, so you can continue to do what you were doing "for you"... It's sad that you can't have "your space"...

Perhaps i should be writing on there "when are we going to see each other again" haha, only joking....

Smile.

CW

[thack]

lol YOU KNOW WHAT

maybe if this all does not come out how i want it to, perhaps after my wife freaking out and blaming every little problem that she's ever had has to do with me is over with, maybe ill come meet you in aussie CW, I figure, i've seen pictures of you, looking good enough to me, lol, no complaints, and maybe after your experiences in life, you dont have the same issues that a less experienced woman does.

as much as i would love to see my currently* wife say, im sorry, please lets go get counseling, I just cannot see me working things out with her after the disrespect she showed me. IF she has an issue with me posting whatever i want on myspace, thats ok, i will take away her priv's as a friend to post on my blogs / posts, flat out, i will not let her encroach on MY SPACE.

she had the gall to email me today asking about money, asking how she was supposed to pay the bills (i all ready told her how 2 weeks ago) and yet she has nothing but that on her mind now............ just surprises me how oblivious she is to how she is being in all of this, im the one in iraq, im the one away from my family, friends, home, and even the dog (who's attached to me, yet some how is included in what the wife gets in this split. . )

and yet SHE'S the victim? how i ask HOW can someone be so blind....

thank god for a little bit of whiskey being in my grasp, kept all of me to not cuss her out in the response for her email, wish she would wake up.

Thank you CW though, even though i do not have blog priv's from what i could tell, i tried to access that section, was given the big red stop sign :P

[CHANDLERS WISH]

HAHA, damd member thing... Well for now here's your blog, you have to write about 33 posts before you can access "blogs" it seems, I was aware of private messaging and visitors but not blogs ahhhh...

See, you are never to old to learn new tricks.

Now, good for you in as much as you will keep "YOUR SPACE", for you, after all it is your space, thats why they call it My space, lol.

You know where you are is difficult, a computer, some whisky and photos...

But, this is also your life remember that and you are young, so you be you, no matter what is being thrown at you and keep your head up, respect yourself as you do.

Vent away another 10 or so and you can do what you want here, except for swearing haha, I will have to edit and tell you off.

CW