[zoezoe]

whilhelm who do you think you are kidding, your are a ****ing liar and you know it, you just want people kissing your no doubt old boring wrinkly ***.

you never think about other women sexually? liar so what do you think about then? men? animals? or kids

i say beware of any MAN who claims he never thinks about another woman sexually BECAUSE THEY WILL BE HIDING SOMETHING.

in fairy tales men are perfect they have no flaws, grow up life is just not like that.

the world is full of great men and the chances are he will like porn, so are you going to miss out on a great man just because he is normal and finds women sexually attractive.

[Guest]

whilhelm who do you think you are kidding, your are a ****ing liar and you know it, you just want people kissing your no doubt old boring wrinkly ***.

you never think about other women sexually? liar so what do you think about then? men? animals? or kids

i say beware of any MAN who claims he never thinks about another woman sexually BECAUSE THEY WILL BE HIDING SOMETHING.

in fairy tales men are perfect they have no flaws, grow up life is just not like that.

the world is full of great men and the chances are he will like porn, so are you going to miss out on a great man just because he is normal and finds women sexually attractive.

Whoa! Calm down.
Don't attack his character like that. Seriously.

I'm sure whilhelm looks at other women...but just not in the same way he sees his wife. He sees this beauty walk down the street and he glances at her just like anyone (man or woman) would, but when he sees the person he married...I'm sure it's hard for him to take his eyes off of her.

A man can look at another woman without lusting, you know? Not many can, but there are some that can.

I'm sure he doesn't want anyone but his wife kissing his no doubt old, boring, wrinkly ***. Seriously.

[Patribella]

Hot Dog,

I'm sorry you percieve me as if I am trying to make you feel insecure about your relationship. I'm not, at all. And I wouldn't wish that upon you. You feel great about yourself and your relationship. Seriously, kudos to that.

I feel pretty much the same about myself as you do yourself. I feel I have "nothing to worry about" when it comes to comparing myself to women in porn and movies. If we are going to go into the asthetics: I am 23 years old - 5'5" - 120 pounds 34-25-36, with a soft face and large lips. I look about 5 years younger than I am (face wise) and going by my mother who is 43 and looks maybe 30 - My appearance has a good looking future. According to my peers I am "The girl the ladies wanna be and the lady guys want to be with."

My point in saying this is that I am not insecure about the way I look or feel about myself. According to my ex fiance, "I am too pretty." He hated being in public with me because everyone would eye me up and down and he despised it - and hated me for it. Although I could do nothing about it. See, He got mad at me when men would look at me, but in the same breath it was fine for him to look at other women sexually. He claimed that every time he looked at porn it was in vengence. Which speaks for itself. He considered it wrong to look at porn and get off to other women... that is why he did it. He was a very insecure and possessive man full of double standards and hypocrisy. He would deliberately hurt me repeatedly. He wanted me to feel bad about myself, because when I felt bad about myself I was vunerable and needed him. I've endured every kind of abuse from this man - & porn was definately one of the tools which he deliberatly used to hurt and control me. And it definately did affect that way our sex life became.. there was no more love in making love- I felt like I was just another porn star - Something to choke your chicken to & call a wh o r e. Eventually I didnt know who he wanted me to be - A woman Or just an object of desire? Cause I wasn't "allowed" by him to be both. The side of me which was an object of desire, although it attracted him, infuriated him (so he'd go to other women to vanquish that feeling) And the side of me which was the loving, nurturing woman was left neglected and uninspired by his morbid double standards and selfishness. It got to the point where I felt as if I needed to act "innocent" when we had sex - to fullfull the gentle woman part of his desires. Then when it was time to be naughty and when I thorougly enjoyed sex He made me feel dirty, even though that was the kind of sex that really turned him on. It was very, very confusing. And what was to blame here, was porn and the incredibly twisted way of thinking it gave him. He was taught how to percieve sex and love by pornography since he was a little boy and it really, really fu*ked him up.

Blah blah blah...

Anyway, I never felt as if "I wasn't good enough." Because I knew and have been told by many men and women and peers that anyone in their right mind would cut off their arm to have a woman as devoted, caring and in every way fulfilling as me. He was just a very selfish, disgusting, unremorseful man who had two faces, each fully equipt with their own personality. The one in which I fell inlove with and the other who pushed me away.

Porn made him believe that the woman who is sexy and erotic is a w h o r e. And the woman who is cute and reserved is a wife. Problem is, I am both and the horrible way of thinking which porn imbedded in his head made it impossible for us to be. I've tried vigorously to reverse his way of thinking for over 4 years and NOTHING has truly helped. He is just too stubborn, too childish and too angry at everyone but himself to push himself to really change for the better. Now he is depressed and suicidal without me, selling me dreams by the dozen, but I just can't do it anymore - cause everytime I have taken him back it has just been the same story over and over and over again. And it is everyone but his own fault.
..

And, zoezoe... are you like 16?

Porn use isnt a built in "flaw", it's a decision in which you can choose to do it or not do it. That's reality. Men and women aren't robots, they are self aware intelligent beings who are capable of just about anything.

[Guest]

in fairy tales men are perfect they have no flaws, grow up life is just not like that.

nobody said anyone was perfect. i'd challenge you to find an instance on this board where i said i didn't look at other women sexually.

i've never claimed to be without flaws. it's a pretty common presumption people tend to make whenever someone stands up for something that is right - to become defensive & to assume that person is self righteous. as i've said on here before, it's very telling that the ones who do all the screaming, shouting & jumping up and down are the ones who supposedly have nothing to be ashamed of & have nothing to hide.

i would say there are 2 types of straight men - the ones who look at porn & fantasize about other women, and the ones who try not to.

i insist that it is better to have some integrity & join the second group, rather than be content to fall to the least common denominator of character & say, "i can't be better, so don't expect me to."

worthless whining.

the world is full of great men and the chances are he will like porn

obviously.

the question is not will he like it (people like a lot of things...) but will he look at it?

if you think every woman has to settle for a guy who will never strive to rise above that sh*t, you're a fool.

[Guest]

and thank you rav -

hotdogg, another thing you need to understand. while porn does cause women to feel insecure - that really has nothing to do with why guys look at porn.

good looking guys, ugly guys, young & old guys all look at porn - and guess what??

those same guys look no matter what their girlfriends or wives look like. guys who have all the sex they can handle look as much as pimply geeks who can't even talk to girls.

as i've said, i'm happy you are secure - and happy your relationship is so great.

but that says nothing about whether or not porn is harmful.

nothing.

[eveadaj]

hi

I've been married for 14 years and watched porn with my husband in the first few years of our marriage. I am still aroused by images but choose not to watch, though my husband still watches. Neither of us have ever been unfaithful. If it does not harm your marriage, dont sweat it.

Hi, I have not been married nearly as long as you but do have some issues with my husband. I am aware that for the most part it does not hurt the marraige, but wonder when it will begin to. My husband and I have a very difficult relationship. It seems that when things are "good" he does not watch it and could care less. But when things are bad
(which they have been for the past 3 weeks not speaking to each other) he takes it out again. Now I know I should not get offended because his personality is that of someone who has a very high desire and not being with your spouse for that amount of time- well you know. It is just that I feel some what bothered and irritated by it. Obviously we have other issues and with two children involved its hard this is just one that makes me question things. He has snuck around in the past to strip clubs and such and this brings back bad memories of lies and sneaking. With that I don't know how to react. I leave it alone for the moment to avoid any further confrentation, but I know that is not the right thing to do.

ANY ADVICE ANYONE!? Thanks

[Guest]

And, zoezoe... are you like 16?

I took offense to that and you weren't even talking to me. T_T

If she's 16 or not, not all 16 year-olds think that way.

By the way, you're welcome whilhelm. <3

[Patribella]

I took offense to that and you weren't even talking to me. T_T

If she's 16 or not, not all 16 year-olds think that way.

You are right. I've known some very smart, free thinking 16 year olds.

But saying "you are very immature." doesn't seem to hit as hard as "are you like, 16?" to a simple minded person. And out of anger I was trying to be offensive. I apologize for inadvertantly hitting a spot in you.

It was kinda like calling someone an a-hole instead of an assh0le. Doesn't have the same effect.

She/He just seems to be very overzealous, tripping over his/her own tongue.

[Guest]

You are right. I've known some very smart, free thinking 16 year olds.

But saying "you are very immature." doesn't seem to hit as hard as "are you like, 16?" to a simple minded person. And out of anger I was trying to be offensive. I apologize for inadvertantly hitting a spot in you.

It was kinda like calling someone an a-hole instead of an assh0le. Doesn't have the same effect.

She/He just seems to be very overzealous, tripping over his/her own tongue.

They just seem a little fumy. O_o It happens a lot here. People don't get along much in topics like these.

Next time, try 12. It gets them going everytime.

[tmoore]

tmoore

I am a man that probably shouldnt be here but I have looked at porn because my wife refuses to acknowledge that I am even alive mentally or sexually. If I just got some attention...it would be un necessary. We are all subject to human nature and the needs of nature. It seems to me that too many women see men looking at porn and use it as an excuse..men (or at least for me in the past) use it to replace what isnt present in a relationship. For me, it wasn't the sex but rather a replacement for someone giving something to a relationship that had nothing...someone had nothing to give..so it was replaced. As a man, I think that most ment would just like to get some affection that isnt really necessary.......... and that would squelch and need for external involvment IE porn