[lifeisajourney]

I was wondering about you, purplelicious..

this site really helps, dont it?
I wonder what came out of your troubles...

I still cant wrap my head around what happened to me too... I still dont know if we will get over all this.. Im trying...

there was more than texting he was also on that tagged site... playing "meet me" games. looking at different woman, choosing the ones he liked ect..
sent messages to some while Id drop the kids off to school telling them the were very attractive ect.
broke my heart....
I just feel that after 21 years of marriage you should be man enough to at least give a head's up to your wife that you are not happy instead of betraying her...
I had no clue...
he texted my neighbor for a year, he picked 79 woman as a" possible meet"on that tagged web site..
he said it was for fun... wow... fun????

I dont even know who he is anymore...

[purplelicious]

omg..I hear the same thing "it was just for fun" it makes me sick to my stomach, well as you already know. I just found out last week. I told him today that I tried to make contact with her and asked him for her last name....OMG he got so upset and asked me to drop it, he is tired of all the questions I ask and comments I make, he says I need to stop trying to contact her, she is not going to call back...he went on and on and on...and now he is not talking to me.....I don't even know what to say or do anymore....
So are you still with him...How did you make it work and how long did it take for you to put it somewhere where it doesn't affect you everyday?

[lifeisajourney]

Yes, I am still with him. We split twice since I found out all this.
We have been in therapie since october.
I cant say you forget, it changes you... you are constantly reminded when a text comes in. Wonder if he's doing it again ect.
You dont forget... but maybe other things become more important with time, but it stays in the back burner.

I think you are reacting the same way I did. I wanted to know every details from him he would shut me off too as a " Im done now" so it's not important, cant we just move on?

But the truth is I cant forgive if I dont know what I am forgiving. There are things I cant forgive and if you dont know how bad the line was cross it's not that easy to brush everything off just because he is ready to do so now ( after he gets caught)

So here I am... months later stil wondering how I feel.
I dont want a divorce but I havent looked at my husband the same way again.
he had a life I had no idea about, he was someone I didnt even know....

It takes time, hang in there. Dont let him shut you out. If you need answers, you do in order to see what you are forgiving.
my husband also wanted to whole thing drop quicky. I didnt drop it. Her husband and I stayed in contact and I found out way more than my husband had been willing to tell me.
Thats why he wanted it dropped.

you know, I dont know what your desicion is on pursuing this. we all make different decision that suits our needs but you really dont need him to tell you her last name. If you have her phone number you can find out who she is and probably her husband too online. these days you can find anything online. just do a reverse phone hook up with her phone number. If it's private you might have to pay a few bucks ( like 20 maybe?) and it will give you any info you need. Thats what her husband did when she had my husband's name stored under his first initial.

[purplelicious]

Well I didn't find him, I also stopped trying to make contact with her since the last time I posted. I just can't get past this, I know I have to put it behind me. I guess I still hurt by it all. My Husband is trying to make things better, He was never all that romantic, but now he I notice him trying. he doesn't text or talk to her anymore, I just don't know how long it's going to take. I check the details on the bill every now and then, and boy does my stomach turn. I hate doing that, I also can't stop doing that. He know I check it, he just doesn't know how often or when, but every now and then when I ask him a question about it or make a dumb comment about it, he will say "if she contacts me at the store or goes to the store I promise I will tell you" "I don't want you to worry I love you and only You" BUT I still have doubts...I think I make myself sick...We even took Monday off of work and we spent the whole day together it was beautiful, but then there comes a dream of this situation and my whole day turns upside down...Just want to get past this and move on, I want to believe in him, in his promises but it's just too hard for me right now.

[lori bug]

wow

Wow purpleicious, my heart goes out to you. And to the other ladies wronged on this thread. I am hoping that one of you has some advice for me too.

Hubby and I are in our mid-fifties, lived together for 7 years and just got married in March. I thought everything was fine until one day, i used his computer and there was a picture of a mostly nude woman in an email that he had sent to himself. I thought it was weird, and just for curiousity sake, I went to look at any other pics he might have had on his computer. Well, there's a pic of some chick with pierced naked nipples, and I could tell the pic was taken in our store with one of our items that we sell. It was obviously ours, okay? Then there was another pic of some other naked chick, etc, and these were pics that were TAKEN WITH HIS CAMERA. Then, went looking in the emails and found many emails from one of those paid 'looking for sex' sites with initials AFF.Paid for a subscription so I could see what was going on, and tried to catch him by friending him, but it didn't work because I confronted him as soon as he got home from work. I was just so mad I coudln't keep quiet about it. The topless girl happened to be someone he went to school with just a few years ago, and the excuses for the paid site were really slim. He promised to cancel the account and I just let it go. It was tough, but I was on my toes after that.

Then, we got blackberry phones. He never brought his home, always kept it at work because "no one even has that number except you". Right. a month ago, I was using his computer again (at the store), and I saw that he was using a site that I wasn't familiar with, and just glanced at it briefly- another meet people site!!! He had all these women "friends" on there, and I could see that he had written them and made semi-sexual statements. Not anything blatant, but like "I'm up for that no pun intended" .

Well, I did stealth mode this time, set up my own account, made a bunch of friends, and intended to invite him to be my friend, but chickened out. I was so afraid he would know it was me. Even though I stole a pic off the internet of some chick.

In going thru the phone bill this weekend, he had 186 text messages from March. I didn't even know he knew how to text! And supposedly no one had that number but me. I am so stupid.

So I confronted him on Sunday after looking at the phone bill. Well, you know those phone bills, "it must be a mistake!!" I should have known when he mentioned to me a few weeks ago that he deletes his text messages. Who does that? Really? Maybe if you get a lot of them. So, in his phone from that very day is a pic from the naked pierced boob girl! Not naked, but a very provocative pose and smile from the back seat of a car. All other text messages have been deleted. That's the only one on there.

So now, he swears he has deleted all his instant messenger accounts, changed his phone number, vows to change and never do it again, yadayada. What are the chances that he really will change his ways? I know you guys don't have a crystal ball, but I need something to go on. I really love him and want it to work out. But I can't go thru this again, this anxiety and constant panic that he is talking to other women while I am at work, and he runs the store. How do I get over it? What precautions can I take?

Thank you so much.

[purplelicious]

Hello Lori Bug, I am so sorry you are going through this, I really can't give you any advise only because of the similar situation I'm going through. But I know what you mean when you say you don't want to go through this again and all the what if questions you have while your at work. I hate it too, constantly looking at the details in the phone bill, looking in the computer just checking on him. Well one thing about me is that I have always kept in mind that cell phones and computers are not the only way to make contact..I told myself that she could go to the store where my husband works, or they can call each other on the work phone, and meet else where for lunch or after work etc etc. hope you know what I mean. But these are feelings I can't get rid of, I do have to say that I am trying very hard not to keep checking up on him, we are trying to work things out and we talked and talked and he promised, but if this comes back and bite me in the behind then that is it, I will not go through this again. MY heart is still broken and I do notice that he is trying very hard, even though I try not to look at the bill I have looked at it about 2days ago, and no calls from her or to her. But I also still don't forget the other ways there is to make contact. I am just going to have to learn to trust him again, even though its going to take time. just like you I love him for 23 years I never imagined this would happen but it did and I for me have to stay focused and strong. Don't let your guard down, if you want to give him another chance, make him work for his trust.

[lori bug]

Thank you for your words of support purpleicious. Hope I am spelling your name right

Ah, I just got done talking to the phone company. He said he never did any text messaging "that he remembers", but that he used Instant messaging. The lady at the phone company says that is not true, that they really are text messages. Many of them to lots of different phone numbers, but primarily to about 5 different numbers. I'm getting ready to print them all off. I've already done intelius reverse searches on them, but there just isn't that much information.

I am tempted to call all these people and find out WTF. But I haven't gotten the nerve up, and I really don't know what I would say. "Hey you've been texting with my husband and I want to know what you talked about"??? Boy, wouldn't that sound stupid? haha

Like your husband, he has vowed to never do it again, that he loves me, that he was just bored, he needs conversation. I told him this morning that now I realize that it isn't my fault. I've been blaming myself, and he has too, that it's my fault he is bored. I'm not going to do that any more.

[lori bug]

I have a question for those who might have been in my same situation. I have 4 primary numbers that had several text messages (one was 65). I am in a quandry. I really want to contact these people, but I'm afraid. I tried to call one of them on Sunday, but it went to voice mail and I hung up. I was thinking of texting them haha. What do you think?

[stressed]

Can't you look them up in a phone catalogue on the internet? At least you will get to see their names and addresses.

[grrrr]

Wow... everyone is getting so covert. If the question is "is texting cheating?" and you're searching and discovering that the texts are ample and to women, then the answer is "yes"

If you aren't getting honest answers from the husbands, then the member who said earlier that he's a liar - the he's a liar - totally agree with that.

Also, the hubs who got "bored" - please.... it's not your fault, if he's "bored" - get a hobby other than texting other women.... there's bowling, topiary (jk), but please... it's not one person's fault if the relationship starts getting a little vanilla... which they all do at times - but you don't go out and text other people! Doesn't he have any real friends?????

Sorry, but yes, they're cheating, (snipped by mod).