[CHANDLERS WISH]

Sweet notice how you haven't got a fluctuation of posters stating that? Betrayal, lies, cheating? It's because it's no use saying it to you, you are not at a point to listen..

But, if you read your words ....

I fell in love didn't trust, fell out of love.

He took my virginity the next time around, fell in love again and then he dissed me.

He got married without me knowing, dissed me.

He returned had more sex, and controlled me, to the point:-

Trust me his rules and morales which he has taught me has made my life better. Thing is, i am totally dependent on him and cant think of anything else.

That all you have is your Mother and your Sister, he knew full well that he had you hook line and sinker and as such you will obey his rules and he will control what you do.

He went with other girls because he wanted to.

He got married because he wanted to.

He stopped you having friends because he wanted to.

He had sex with you and made you lose your viginity because he wanted to.

He stopped you getting married because he wanted to.

He won't leave his wife as she has a baby, because he doesn't want to.

He won't let you out and about because you will see, all you are missing and he will not have the 4 wives, mmm wonder if there are 2 others in addition to you?

He IS TAKING YOU FOR GRANTED.

He expects you to accept a wife, a baby have no friends, and follow his rules.

That is NOT LOVE.

cw

[myhealth]

Was waiting for your reply as i read your replies in other forums.
First time when we met i had a crush on him but couldnt spend time with him and obviously dint trust him.
2nd time i agree he did cheat me.
3rd time we both fell in love. and he is serious about me. This i cant make anyone believe.

He made me far from friends i know that is wrong.
He had s*x with me, so did i
He enjoys it, so do i.It is not just s*x. It something beyond that.
He was having s*x with his wife before i could come, but after i came, he completely stopeed as he realised what he did with me.
He changed his location far away from his family and wife and kid, because he wanted to
He stopped having s*x with his wife, because he wanted to
He has always been a great moral support for me and my mom(single parent), because he cares for me(us)
He says if he continoulsy stop having s*x with his wife, one day she will leave him and go.and there has been many fights between him and his wife regarding this which has happened in front of me. which i know
Whatever happened in past, i have accepted it and moved on giving him another chance. and i can see that he has changed as i have.
I am not here to ask suggestions about what happened in past. Just want people's suggestion how to get over the feeling of sharing him with wife. I mean i dont want to.

Thanks a tonne for your reply,

[myhealth]

On that note. I really can't(don't want to)explain what kind of relationship we both share. I call it love a true love which is keeping us both happy. He says to wait until he divorces her and he says he will. But its my problem that i always want to see a final verdict.

[myhealth]

Thanks a lot for all of you for your reply

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Was waiting for your reply as i read your replies in other forums.
First time when we met i had a crush on him but couldnt spend time with him and obviously dint trust him.
2nd time i agree he did cheat me.
3rd time we both fell in love. and he is serious about me. This i cant make anyone believe.

He made me far from friends i know that is wrong.
He had s*x with me, so did i
He enjoys it, so do i.It is not just s*x. It something beyond that.
He was having s*x with his wife before i could come, but after i came, he completely stopeed as he realised what he did with me.
He changed his location far away from his family and wife and kid, because he wanted to
He stopped having s*x with his wife, because he wanted to
He has always been a great moral support for me and my mom(single parent), because he cares for me(us)
He says if he continoulsy stop having s*x with his wife, one day she will leave him and go.and there has been many fights between him and his wife regarding this which has happened in front of me. which i know
Whatever happened in past, i have accepted it and moved on giving him another chance. and i can see that he has changed as i have.
I am not here to ask suggestions about what happened in past. Just want people's suggestion how to get over the feeling of sharing him with wife. I mean i dont want to.

Thanks a tonne for your reply,

I can tell that you have a beautiful heart....

I guess you need to see that we will reply based on what a person writes, I read your VM after I wrote this

Okay, your doing my trick

Firstly, you don't have to make anyone believe anything, if you believe it? If he shows it, if it is in his eyes (not sex), if it is in his constant phone calls (not about sex), if he holds you and looks in your eyes, talks about your day, asks how you are, if he holds your hand and puts your face to his, just because not (wanting sex) then he is in love.

Yes, he took your virginity but you wanted him to, yes it takes too.

When a woman is in love she is an excellent lover off course, the said man loves that... But again if you feel a bond, if he just doesn't do the act and tell you you are good, if he takes time for you and looks you in the eyes, holds you after then yes.

I hope that is the case.

What do you mean he changed location?

You are not there to see that but he is stating that and in trust you must believe. He could have got married for the wrong reasons we are not here to judge.

So Mum is okay with him?

So sweet, how do you get involved with them as a couple to see the fights?

Yes, people can change and deserve chances, you sound like Romeo and Juliet, un-dying love except you know the main reason you are hear is morals, he's married.

And on your last statement? This is your thread, so people please read that and answer towards that question ....

You can't all you can do is assume he does love you and so, if so, walk away and tell him you waited 3 times, he came back, you will wait, but in that, you will not see him until he leaves.

Then you will see his real love and you will force the issue.

See a child creates a problem, they never want to leave, it is their blood, their being.....and so, they stay.

[myhealth]

There is nothing to assume about his love. He loves me is true. My query is not asking to explain me what is his intensions and what does his behaviors indicate. Because to explain all this i need to write more and more. And i do not enjoy seeing the couples fight. All I meant to say was I have witnessed that he is really serious about me. I know its totally wrong to separate a husband and wife. But my question is why can’t she give him the love I gave him? He has shifted from his hometown to my place. She doesn’t have a mobile phone. It not that I blindly trust him. If you ask him. He says I never trusted him because i keep cross checking him to that extent (but no torture). He is with me because he is not getting what he wants from his wife. And about his wife, I don’t want to tell another story why he hates her these days.
What was that you meant to say is I will tell you in brief to what extent I understood. You mean to say, where there is s*x there is no love?? If he had not had s*x with me in 5yrs he would be a true lover?? If we have had s*x he is not?? Hmmmm I don’t agree on this point. Because s*x is something which binds the two hearts, soul and body (for us).

Well what you said about them is really true that its their blood(kid). Nobody will let go him(the kid)that easily. As the kid binds and strengthens the husband and wife relationship. I know and keep thinking on all these things every day and night. How will the divorce happen now?? It’s impossible even if he wishes for. I know it. But I just want that to happen as she and he, both can’t satisfy each other and are not happy with each other.(Don’t tell me its because me, assume they were never happy with each other, that he got attracted to me again. Now don’t ask me how the kid came.)Just leave all these things. As I can’t explain his or my love for each other, assume we both love each other truly and respect each other. Now, If he doesn’t divorce, then how will I lead my life with him sharing him,(I know I have chosen this after I know all)with his wife(though he never visits her). AT times I think, I will never marry him and stay like how I am now. Because divorce Is tough. Sometimes I think I am being too stubborn to force him to divorce her. Just worried about my future and small family. (Mom knows us as friends. She doesn’t know about our relationship). But she is supporting. Very sweet. She is free but I don’t want to take her for granted and run away with him which will hurt her. So I was thinking a solution as to how to move on with this.

Dea please lets not discuss again about his love or mine. Just answer me about my confusion which I have stated at the end.

[myhealth]

But if you mean to say that they will stay and never leave,(guess) i think i will remain as i am now. But future is a question mark. i will never marry him if he is with his wife and kid. But really sometimes i think y marry when without marriage also we both are happy. But again i cant give birth to his kid without a marriage because of society. So my confusion is this. But i am sure i won't marry if he doesn't divorce.I dont want to change my mind in this. If so then how will I remain unmarried without any reason for family? Hmmmm I think I am complicating it. Or should I leave it to my fate.Not worrying too much about future and just enjoy present. Don’t know how to solve this puzzle

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Do what he does.

Go out.

Date...

Let him see what he may miss.

Your mother sees him as a friend.

You are right, I am right, there is a child, years will come before he leaves if he does.

Are you going to miss out on kids?

You are happy go with it, you have already slept witha married man, it can't change.....

See your age, future and children that's all....fate may eventuate but then time as I know it with someone I know 12 years later and still she is not with him totally, waiting..and now can't have children.

See the problem with your thread is you want advice but you are talking yourself out of any of it, "don't tell me" because you so want this to be true.

If it is? You leaving seriously, leaving, dating, will make him decide, not you in your box, again no friends but he leaves. And lives with you.

Make your stand.

[Claret]

But, you are sharing him with his wife and I don't see that changing in the near future. I also see from your posting that there are cultural differences and just by saying that you must look to that culture and to how the children are raised. What are the beliefs regarding divorce, extra-marital affairs, raising children etc. When you can answer some of the questions surrounding those issues, you may then be able to answer some of your own questions.

The way I see it right now, is he has you waiting upon him, following his directions, available for him at every step of the way. If you were to take yourself out of the picture what would he do? Would he return to his wife? Would he find someone else to fill in the gap?

If you accept the situation the way it is, this is how it will be. If you require something on a higher plane for yourself, then this is what you should work towards. If you don't value yourself, no-one else will either.

I urge you to figure out what you want from this or any other relationship, then expect that and work towards that. Don't just settle for an on again, off again affair.

[myhealth]

I agree on what you said. If i constantly keep waiting for him. I will loose my age and i will just regret later in life. I will work on it. But i don't agree on what you said "you have already slept witha married man, it can't change....." I need to correct this sentence here. I have made love with my love who is mine. And i made love with him before even his wife could come. Anyways i had a feeling that discussing about my sh*t on the forum will frustrate people and irritate them because my case is like that and it happened. Anyways life moves on. Lets see what god has in stores for me. I will move on. Someday i will get some solution. Thank you for your time, patience and interest.