[Guest]

Kick him out.....today!

He's a cheater, plain and simple. My ex-wife was a cheater too. Three times that I know about and many more, if you believe all of the data on cheaters, that I don't know about.

You are putting YOURSELF AT RISK by continuing to have sex with him. Are you condom users? Are you using them now?

So have your cousin come over, gather his things (in a nice organized way), change the locks or have them changed by a locksmith and show him the door.

The time for playing games in your mind or with your head is over. It's time to take action to protect you and your daughter.

Children would rather come from a broken home then live in one.

He's playing you, at least he thinks he is, like a hand of cards.

I hate to be so harsh/blunt/direct but that's what it took for me to finally take action with my ex-wife (and we had children together).

It's time for you to get your life back. You will find someone who loves you with all of their being. They are out there. Go find yours.

I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.

[WildChild]

You are creating the reality you expected.

[torn2pieces]

Kick him out.....today!

He's a cheater, plain and simple. My ex-wife was a cheater too. Three times that I know about and many more, if you believe all of the data on cheaters, that I don't know about.

You are putting YOURSELF AT RISK by continuing to have sex with him. Are you condom users? Are you using them now?

So have your cousin come over, gather his things (in a nice organized way), change the locks or have them changed by a locksmith and show him the door.

The time for playing games in your mind or with your head is over. It's time to take action to protect you and your daughter.

Children would rather come from a broken home then live in one.

He's playing you, at least he thinks he is, like a hand of cards.

I hate to be so harsh/blunt/direct but that's what it took for me to finally take action with my ex-wife (and we had children together).

It's time for you to get your life back. You will find someone who loves you with all of their being. They are out there. Go find yours.

I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.

WOW - THANKS. Unfortunately my cousin the one person I can talk to lives in Wisconsin and me in Missouri. I understand and ready to go, I am ready to leave. I thought he was the one that loved me with all his being. No condoms, just on birth control. I don't think or care about finding someone else, that is the least of my concerns, but I know why you point that out. As I said I am a VERY emotional person and has lashed out. I am giving one more day so I can prepare for the worst thing in my life at the moment. Not sure of my reaction but preparing my self to have control. I am afraid this conversation is going to take place tonight, even tho I don't want it to. He will be home "maybe" about 10pm and if I am up he will try to pursue the conversation and if it does then it does. So scared but preparing myself, preparing to lose my love to someone else. I'm trying to get there.

[WildChild]

Read back through your telling of this relationship. Note your statement that every woman you know of has been cheated on, that you were about your daughter's age when your mother left your step father, that you started to suffer from anxiety, that you have been searching, spying, digging for several years without finding anything. That your snooping has been an issue in the relationship for years.
Then sit down with yourself and ask yourself who has created this?
Over and over people told you to let this snooping and suspicion go, warned you that it would lead to trouble, but so far the only responses you have responded to with enthusiasm are those telling you to dump him.
LOOK at this.
Do you have a good counselor? If you do, get in and start talking. Where ever you go you take yourself and your issues. Whether you stay with this man or not if you don't deal with your trust issues you are doomed to repeat this scenario.
I suspect that even if this man were an angel you would be checking his computer, his phone, looking for proof that he isn't.
He may be cheating now, I don't know but you condemned him a long time ago.

[torn2pieces]

You are creating the reality you expected.

But I stopped, does that not matter? I stopped, I knew what it was doing to our relationship, I took advice on here and the last year have just enjoyed him/us. I am not debating if I accept this as the truth, that I caused this, I created this because I looked for it, then what. Does it make it acceptable? Do I stay with him. WC - do you believe it's my fault? All my fault?

[torn2pieces]

Do you have a good counselor?

No counselor, I just don't have the money to go. I don't have the 60 or more copay every week or even for one session. Right now $60 is keeping me from getting my glasses that I need, so I don't have any money to pay for counseling

[WildChild]

You aren't in this relationship alone. But ask yourself if the situation was reversed and he was the one constantly doubting you for so long, what would you do? Might you finally decide that you have been convicted, you might as well have some fun?
I'm not saying that he is or isn't cheating. I'm saying that you have been assuming and looking for proof that he is for a long time and admitted there was no reason for it other than your own insecurities. Don't you think your life would be better if you really truly faced and dealt with those insecurities? You never really stopped looking for evidence, you just ramped it down a bit. If you don't deal with this, you will repeat it and your children may well pick it up too.

Do you have a job? Are you capable of supporting yourself and your two children?

[torn2pieces]

You aren't in this relationship alone. But ask yourself if the situation was reversed and he was the one constantly doubting you for so long, what would you do? Might you finally decide that you have been convicted, you might as well have some fun?
I'm not saying that he is or isn't cheating. I'm saying that you have been assuming and looking for proof that he is for a long time and admitted there was no reason for it other than your own insecurities. Don't you think your life would be better if you really truly faced and dealt with those insecurities? You never really stopped looking for evidence, you just ramped it down a bit. If you don't deal with this, you will repeat it and your children may well pick it up too.

Do you have a job? Are you capable of supporting yourself and your two children?

You clarify that you don't know he is cheating and I am not asking you to decide that, but I did see text from him that said "Good night baby" and she said "Good night babe missing you". And he has some weird way of calling her through his google account and even has a different number he calls but it goes to her, and then if you go to his google account it shows her actual number and name was called -- it's technology which he is very advanced in and on a IPhone4, capable of everything, but he is calling her ALOT. Would I do the same if I was accused, No I don't think so at all? But I can say. The times he has came to me with "you been looking good going to work lately, are you cheating" and one day I came into work on a Sat., and I didn't shower before work so I showered as soon as I got home cause I thought he, I and the kids were going to get out and have a day together, instead he barely spoke with me and then went out with his friend instead, the next day he told me it bothered him I took a shower right after work and this is usually a sign of cheating -- each of these instances I cared about his concern and went on to explain myself and had a lot of sympathy for the way he felt. I felt bad he felt that way and just cared about his feelings, it didn't bring me to have thoughts of "I might as well". As far as my stability, it is so so. I have a job, but they have let me go and next week is my last week. I am looking for a new job and may have to get on unemployment. I am a survivor and I can make it and take care of us. I trust he will assist with our son, in the past he has even said he wants our son to live with him if we separate. I have 8+ years experience as a Legal Secretary and I am currently taking paralegal classes, so I will make it, I have hope and a plan that I am taking action on now. If need be I have family I can rely on and even live with (last thing I want).

[torn2pieces]

You are creating the reality you expected.

I really understand why you say that. So if I take some blame, understand that I could of caused this, if I accept I got exactly what I expected, I will go with that. BUT that don't mean to stay around, does it? When he texts her and calls her as soon as he leaves the house, he thinks before he does so, it's his actions. I guess I am trying to determine because of my roll in this, does that mean it's excusable? With my role, am I wrong for leaving? Am I making the wrong decision? Maybe I shouldn't be all down his throat about and maybe I shouldn't hate him for it, but I should leave over it...just my thoughts and concerns. I can take responsibility for my actions - does that responsibility mean staying with him after this.

[mymirrose]

I lived with a jealous, accusing person many years ago, for 8 years. His actions never pushed me to the "I guess I'll do it since I am accused of it" mentality. I kind of think of that as an excuse.
Torn, you have the evidence, no matter what, you need to act on it, IMO.