[KMonte85]

99% of the time the guy friend wishes he could be with you lol and we guys aren't stupid. The other 1% dont' want to steal you but would sleep with you if given the chance lol

99% of the time statistics are made up on the spot.


I wholeheartedly disagree with you here. Give men a break... they're perfectly capable of having platonic friendships with women, and perfectly capable of keeping it in their pants. And women are smart enough to known when their guy friends have feelings for them and distance themselves. Not every co-ed friendship has an underlying story parallel to some stupid Tween movie plot.

Two people of the opposite sex can, and do, have appropriate, platonic friendships.

[Stillness]

Having girlfriends "hang out" with guy friends and they end up cheating.

And this is exactly why I disagree with everyone.

My wife and I don't hang out alone with people of the opposite sex. It's necessary for both of us as most of my clients are female and my wife is in a male-dominated industry, but it's just business, not pleasure. Even going to get lunch with a coworker is something we are careful of getting regular about. And we typically let each other know when we're spending a lot of time with a coworker of the opposite sex. It's not silly, immature, or jealous, it's real. Your heart can betray you and I've seen it happen before with close friends who weren't careful. What started out as innocent all of a sudden has some uncomfortable feelings involved. It's human. For us, marriage is too sacred to have it destroyed or weakened by overconfidence. The reason we don't have to be jealous is that we protect each other and our relationship.

I don't think your fiancee is unreasonable on this issue. Why not just hang out together with friends?

[KMonte85]

And this is exactly why I disagree with everyone.

My wife and I don't hang out alone with people of the opposite sex. It's necessary for both of us as most of my clients are female and my wife is in a male-dominated industry, but it's just business, not pleasure. Even going to get lunch with a coworker is something we are careful of getting regular about. And we typically let each other know when we're spending a lot of time with a coworker of the opposite sex. It's not silly, immature, or jealous, it's real. Your heart can betray you and I've seen it happen before with close friends who weren't careful. What started out as innocent all of a sudden has some uncomfortable feelings involved. It's human. For us, marriage is too sacred to have it destroyed or weakened by overconfidence. The reason we don't have to be jealous is that we protect each other and our relationship.

I don't think your fiancee is unreasonable on this issue. Why not just hang out together with friends?

I, too, work in a very male dominated industry. I have many friends of the opposite sex, we go to lunch together often or hit the mountain bike trails, my male friends and I occasionally will hang out together without my husband (although I will say usually when it's hanging out, my husband is with because we typically hang out together with the same circle of people).

I guess I just don't see how spending time with a member of the opposite sex can (or will, as some seem to believe) lead to anything beyond a platonic friendship. If it does, it was not a result of the co-ed friendship, it was a result of something missing at home and the inappropriateness with the opposite sex friend was a symptom of the actual problem. I love my husband, he is my world. I wouldn't dream of sharing romantic anything with anyone other than him and he knows that and feels the same. If something changes that, it isn't because of our outside friendships, it's because of something wrong happening within our own relationship.

[DreamP346]

I see this issue as a social custom. One should have trust in their partner. If they want to cheat, preventing them from hanging out with a person of the opposite gender won't stop them. Also, there is always the possibility of developing a romantic relationship with somebody of the same gender. If you go by this rule, you should stop hanging out with anybody over the age of 17.

Most people I know, including myself, usually don't hang out with other men alone because they either have families, so we hang out together. Or, I don't want to give the sense of impropriety as most people will take that as asking for something else. However, with long time friends that I have already established clear bounderies with over many years, I don't see it as a problem. But as a married woman, I don't feel comfortable extending a friendship to a single guy without having my family/friends part of the mix. This is my standard and I see many other people follow it too.

[Stillness]

I guess I just don't see how spending time with a member of the opposite sex can (or will, as some seem to believe) lead to anything beyond a platonic friendship.

It can and does all the time. If it never happened and people were perfectly monogamous, then this wouldn't be an issue.

Also, there is always the possibility of developing a romantic relationship with somebody of the same gender.

If a person had those kinds of feelings I think it's a fair concern. The sense of propriety you mentioned is part of it for us. Also if it was just a matter of wanting to cheat, then I would say you're right. But what happens when a person doesn't want to cheat but develops an attraction? If I hadn't seen it happen with my own eyes then maybe I would maybe be more open to it.

And I'm not saying my way is right and everybody else's way is wrong and you have to do this to be successful. I'm saying it's a legitimate rule, not indicative of immaturity or unbalanced jealousy. I do think that if you feel like you're missing out on something because of a rule, it's a problem. We're happy with it and neither of us feels constrained in any way. We also have good friends that we spend time with of both genders.

[Hugo-B]

I agree 100% that men and women can be platonic friends.

Often though, there is an 'imbalance' of feelings between the two parties. Usually the man wanting sex IMO, especially if the friendship is based on him originally being attracted to the girl and her relegating him to the position of her friend. This obviously isn't the girls fault and it is usually younger and less experienced men who find themselves in this situation.

Since AshB is what, 20 years old? And this guy is a similar age, say 20 he's going to be bat-****e horny, especially if he's single. I'd say in this instance he would like more from her, and would take it if he had half the chance. I'm not saying he's in the wrong if he does feel this way, 20 year old males think about little else.

As I stated above, male-female friendships can be platonic, but I'm guessing this 'friendship' doesn't apply.

[AshB$]

Also, there is always the possibility of developing a romantic relationship with somebody of the same gender.

LOL. I tell my fiance straight up, I do not like men anyway. And if he ever left me, I'd be looking for a woman, not another man.
He is the ONLY man I want. The only human being I want.

But I do think it's inappropriate for a married woman to hang out with a single man.

[rosekitten]

But I do think it's inappropriate for a married woman to hang out with a single man.

On what grounds? My husband was deployed for a year and I made plenty of male friends, and maintained the ones that I already had. Why is it inappropriate to have friends of the opposite gender? Not that it's specifically relevant, but I'm bi and have poly leanings. Should I also not hang out with females without my husband?

At the end of the day, people should do what works best for their own relationship, but I never understood why it was "inappropriate" to hang out with some of my friends, just because of what dangly bits they had.

[AshB$]

It honestly depends on the person. But I've never once been able to hang out with a guy without him hitting on me.

[danny112]

It depends on the situation as well.

Are you have a couple drinks or getting drunk?
Are you being open about it to your fiance or hiding it?
Are you just hanging out or talking about any relationship problems you might have?
Are you hanging out once a week or multiple times during a week?
Is the friendship kind of random or are you looking forward to your next meeting?

To me the first options sound like a healthy friendship while the second set of options sound like a recipe for possible problems.

You just need to be aware of your friends intentions and they may change over time.