[Elena_EvilEye]

You don't need a ring to show off your love for each other it's only a symbol. My husband wears his ring ALL time he feels proud wearing his ring he wants to show the world he's taken. I wear a ring also but it was a mutual agrement between us that we would wear rings at the end of the day a piece of metal on your finger doesn't prove anything what matters is whether the two of you love each other and are willing to commit to a relationship or marriage.

although a ring is meant to tell people you're taken in my experience no one has taken this message. I still have guys hitting on me and my hubs still has women hitting on him. Do people get knocks off trying to hit on married people.

[Pollon]

After re-reading your other thread, it is hard to not feel your anxiety about this relationship.

Your age difference, your non-marital status, his refusal to wear a ring, his poor treatment when his age peers are around, and his disrespect would understandably make you feel vulnerable.

I think the ring issue is a symptom of the more basic insecurity about the relationship.

Have you DIRECTLY discussed his commitment to the relationship. Does he talk about a long-term future with you? In light of you two now being parents, would he reconsider the idea of marriage? Does he talk about more kids?

Do you know his thoughts and dreams about your future together?

[vehementa]

I want to wear something that symbolizes our love and commitment, and the ring seems right to me. I don't think we have to be married to wear them. We live together, love each other and are trying hard to fix our problems. Perhaps it;s just a ring and at the end of the day we take it off. But the fact that he is so against wearing it is what bothers me...

I think a wedding ring signifies just that - marriage. It's not been a traditional sign of "taken", it's been a traditional sign of love, commitment, and marriage.

If you are so unconventional with your relationship status, then why do you want to be so conventional as far as having a ring goes?

If you just went out and bought the rings, would you have a type of ceremony dedicating yourselves to each other? If so, why not marriage?

Why do you need to show that he is "taken"?

[vehementa]

It doesn't have to be a ring. I want it to be a ring. But if he doesn't want nothing at all or gives me attitude over the whole topic then that's when we start arguing again. I'm going to ask him if there's anything else he rather have instead...

I agree with Claret's point, and that was my first thought. I do think however, that if you want some sort of symbol of the commitment you have, that that's fine too. Why does it have to be a ring?

I didn't allow my ex-husband to buy me a ring. I didn't want one, for various reasons.
There are many ways to symbolize something. If he doesn't want to wear a ring, choose another symbolic item to share.

[vehementa]

Yes, he said because of his job (he's a mechanic). I don't want to force him, but it would be nice if he decided too...

I can give you a ton of reasons why he doesn't want to wear a ring. I also am one of those folks who didn't want to wear a ring: everything from the fact I feel uncomfortable in rings to the fact it was a social norm tied to a ceremony often linked with religion. But the fact it was a small act that would make my partner happy was enough for me to do it.

Have you asked him why?

[vehementa]

Me and him are obviously not on the same page about this. And I'm not trying to force him to wear one if he doesn't want to, but at the end of the day, all his decision will do is upset me and I'll have to live on. But if he loves me for real, doesn't he want to make me happy? We are all different, but if I was the man and my wife wanted us to wear rings, why not!? I agree it defeats the purpose if he feels forced to wear one, but if I go to him and ask him what would you want to wear to symbolize our love instead of the ring and he says there's nothing, than there's a problem (for me).

So you might think that a ring is a symbol of love, loyalty and union among both.. but what if he doesn't feel the same? Besides, to force someone to wear a ring when they don't want to as a symbol of your love for one another is kind of ironic... it defeats the purpose of the ring in the first place.

Can't you compromise and find something you're BOTH happy with to symbolize your love and devotion to each other?

[vehementa]

We refuse to marry for our own reasons I won't discuss here, and there's no problem with that. A ring is a symbol you choose to wear or not to wear. We need to come to a mutual agreement just like we did with the marriage part.

Though too many marriages fail, marriage is a public pronouncement of one's intent to commit.

Refusal to marry is an intentional public pronouncement that one is NOT committed.

His refusal to wear the ring is another confirmation of what you already know--he's not committed.

And pushing him to wear it is your frightened backdoor attempt to have him, in some token way, demonstrate his commitment to you.

[vehementa]

Yes he talks about a long term future with me. He wants to have more babies with me and we constantly talk about selling this house and moving closer to family. Neither of us want to marry each other because we don't have a religion and at the end of the day it's just a paper and yes the rings are just rings... I can let it go if he doesn't want to wear one. It's just the fact that he is against wearing something that is a symbol of love. I'm ok with not wearing one right now, but eventually I want to. Why can't he be ok with wearing one later on, if I was ok with not wearing one? And if he knows it means a lot to me,, doesn't he want to see me happy? I'm not asking for much. It's complicated or maybe I'm just making it complicated. We are going to couples therapy. Already did one session and next week we go again. Hopefully we can reflect and come to an understanding, love and be happy...

After re-reading your other thread, it is hard to not feel your anxiety about this relationship.

Your age difference, your non-marital status, his refusal to wear a ring, his poor treatment when his age peers are around, and his disrespect would understandably make you feel vulnerable.

I think the ring issue is a symptom of the more basic insecurity about the relationship.

Have you DIRECTLY discussed his commitment to the relationship. Does he talk about a long-term future with you? In light of you two now being parents, would he reconsider the idea of marriage? Does he talk about more kids?

Do you know his thoughts and dreams about your future together?

[Stillness]

I want to wear something that symbolizes our love and commitment, and the ring seems right to me. I don't think we have to be married to wear them.

Are you two committed - like permanently, for better or worse, till death do you part and all that? That's typically what the rings mean and that's what marriage is, regardless of the state or church involvement.

[vehementa]

Yes we are. But we like to think ahead of time and want to avoid the possibility of a divorce, if it doesn't work out anymore. So many unexpected things can happen in life and we just rather keep it simple by not getting married.

Are you two committed - like permanently, for better or worse, till death do you part and all that? That's typically what the rings mean and that's what marriage is, regardless of the state or church involvement.