[vehementa]

We've been together for almost three years now. We have a son together. Ever since we started dating we brought up the question of marriage. We both agreed we don't want to get married by church or law, for our own reasons. And we are fine with that. But, the thing is, I still want to be able to wear a ring and have him wear one too, but he doesn't want to. What's so hard about wearing a ring? It's a symbol of love, loyalty and union among both. I understand the fact he is a mechanic and it would interfere with his work/it can be "dangerous", but what about the rest of the time?! I just think he doesn't want to show off that he is "taken"... What do you guys think?

[Claret]

I think a wedding ring signifies just that - marriage. It's not been a traditional sign of "taken", it's been a traditional sign of love, commitment, and marriage.

If you are so unconventional with your relationship status, then why do you want to be so conventional as far as having a ring goes?

If you just went out and bought the rings, would you have a type of ceremony dedicating yourselves to each other? If so, why not marriage?

Why do you need to show that he is "taken"?

[Stillness]

I think you should ask him why he doesn't want to wear one.

I've been married for 14 years and I don't wear mine most of the time lately because I've been losing weight and my ring has been sliding off. I haven't gotten it resized partly because I'm still in flux and partly because I don't need a ring to signify my dedication. We don't fully buy into Western marriage traditions ourselves. I didn't get her a ring until well into our marriage. Initially, she didn't get me one either.

[atskitty2]

I agree with Claret's point, and that was my first thought. I do think however, that if you want some sort of symbol of the commitment you have, that that's fine too. Why does it have to be a ring?

I didn't allow my ex-husband to buy me a ring. I didn't want one, for various reasons.
There are many ways to symbolize something. If he doesn't want to wear a ring, choose another symbolic item to share.

[DreamP346]

I can give you a ton of reasons why he doesn't want to wear a ring. I also am one of those folks who didn't want to wear a ring: everything from the fact I feel uncomfortable in rings to the fact it was a social norm tied to a ceremony often linked with religion. But the fact it was a small act that would make my partner happy was enough for me to do it.

Have you asked him why?

[ChristinaHedge]

We've been together for almost three years now. We have a son together. Ever since we started dating we brought up the question of marriage. We both agreed we don't want to get married by church or law, for our own reasons. And we are fine with that. But, the thing is, I still want to be able to wear a ring and have him wear one too, but he doesn't want to. What's so hard about wearing a ring? It's a symbol of love, loyalty and union among both. I understand the fact he is a mechanic and it would interfere with his work/it can be "dangerous", but what about the rest of the time?! I just think he doesn't want to show off that he is "taken"... What do you guys think?

I think you are insisting on your preferences of what you want for him. I think that is wrong and you do not have the right to do so.

If he insisted that you do something every that you clearly did not want to do and that you stated you did not want to do, and you stated on here that he was pressuring you about it, you would get my sympathy and I would be telling you to tell him in no uncertain terms to back off and have respect for your opinion.

I can not do that now because you are in those same hypothetical shoes.

[KMonte85]

So you might think that a ring is a symbol of love, loyalty and union among both.. but what if he doesn't feel the same? Besides, to force someone to wear a ring when they don't want to as a symbol of your love for one another is kind of ironic... it defeats the purpose of the ring in the first place.

Can't you compromise and find something you're BOTH happy with to symbolize your love and devotion to each other?

[effy2014]

I like the suggestions of both Kitty and KMonte -- find a symbol meaningful to the two of you that signifies commitment to your relationship.

You seem torn between not wanting the traditional legal/religious trappings of a formal marriage but want the public to believe that you are married. No doubt it is "marking" your territory. I completely understand the need (I enjoy tradition, trappings and rings) but her clearly does not. He should understand -- if you communicate to him about it -- that some kind of public acknowledgment of the relationship is meaningful to you. I am sure that he will oblige it in some form.

[Pollon]

Though too many marriages fail, marriage is a public pronouncement of one's intent to commit.

Refusal to marry is an intentional public pronouncement that one is NOT committed.

His refusal to wear the ring is another confirmation of what you already know--he's not committed.

And pushing him to wear it is your frightened backdoor attempt to have him, in some token way, demonstrate his commitment to you.

[Claret]

I think there are people to which an official ceremony is not required and would not make any significant change in their relationship. To them it would just be a piece of paper, or words said in the presence of others, that perhaps they've already said to themselves. However, the ring is a symbol of marriage and if you don't need what the symbol of marriage is in your life then you don't need the ring.