[Mr. ED]

In the summer of 2005 I flew to St. Petersburg to marry a Russian scientist with whom I extensively emailed for a year and visited the summer before. Until this point I had never believed in Internet romance. Two weeks after we got married my new bride decided to 'come clean' and showed me a photo album of Larry from South Carolina who had lived with her in her apartment in St. Petersburg, Russia, for several months in 2002 and 2003 while he was getting dental work done (very cheap) which she arranged through a friend at her University where she was a professor. I was never very jealous in past relationships but when I saw the pictures (all G rated) I became enraged! Long story short, I tore up all 76 photos and thought that was the end of it. I was not aggravated about the revelation itself, but because she waited till after we were married. I should explain here that when I visited her in the summer of 2004 and for the next year, she gave me the impression that the only man she had slept with was her former husband of many years who died in 2000.

This past July, for which I will make no excuse, we had become distant and out of touch. One morning I happened to be standing behind her computer desk, (we have two computers) while she was receiving her email when I spotted a familiar name in the 'From' column. Again...long story short, it was from the same Larry! It seems she went through many search engines to find this man after 5 years even though on his last visit to Russia to finalize his dental work he never even had the decency to tell her he was coming for the last time. She found out from the her friend the dentist and met him one last time to break it off.

I just don't know why she didn't come to me if she felt there was something wrong in our relationship. After this guy did her dirt, why look for him after 5 years? (He now lives in Hawaii.) Her only defense was "I DON"T KNOW" and that she only wanted to 'get even'. Who waits 5 years for revenge??? I've been told by a professional that once the trust has been broken it's very hard if not almost impossible to get it back 100%. Now whenever she is on the computer....I wonder. I still love her and I believe (85%) that she loves me. I would just like to get a woman's point of view on this. Why would someone risk losing a lifestyle virtually 'free of charge' (she doesn't work here) and citizenship in December for this skirt chaser? (I'm being polite.) Thank you in advance for any input I may receive. Yes, she is also on this site.

[SorridLives]

You asked for advice, so here is my opinion....She only contacted him in emails, correct? What is the big deal? Maybe she just wondered what ever happened to him. No? Just my thoughts.

[silvertae]

Yeah, I'm not quite seeing what is wrong here. But maybe it's hidden in your "long story short" glosses. Did she meet up with him to have sex with him? Why do you call him a "skirt chaser"? If she had a relationship with him it's acceptable to remain friends or to lose contact and then seek someone out again.

If there's more involved than you've revealed, then on to your question of why she would risk her current situation...well...why does anyone? Why does anyone who has a wonderful home, wonderful spouse, wonderful children, wonderful life, etc etc cheat or do something risky? I don't know the answer but human psychology isn't simple and people often risk their steady comfortable lives for a little excitement.

If you two aren't already in counseling maybe you should consider getting into couples therapy.

[Fluffy21]

I think that she didn't tell you she was talking to him again because of the way you reacted about the pics in the first place; maybe she just wants to vent and talk to him about her problems since you said that you guys are distant.
My advice to you try to work on your communication as a couple and maybe she will open up to you and give you more that a "I don't know". One more think, don't snoop around her stuff because she is going to get really upset, trust me it is just going to make things worst...

[Muskitos]

Mr ED,

I would tend to agree with the above posts, what’s the big deal?

The way you are describing your reactions; they are not an invitation for her to be totally honest with you.

If you continue living with suspicion you will eventually succeed in her looking for someone else, just because she is not getting it from you, follow?

Try to trust her fully, if you can do that you will change and when you will change she will change and when she changes you won’t be/need to be suspicious anymore.

I know that sounds very complicated but it does work that way! 

[CHANDLERS WISH]

My "Opinion" is you should be speaking to her, not putting it all out on here, this Forum, which we know, you know is for her to read replies from, which i would have said ages ago however, as it seems that the replys that you are getting are pretty much saying talk to her, so be it, we all seem to agree.

CW

I will add, unless she asked you to seek our thoughts and advice for yourself, in which case, perhaps you should state so, that she is in agreeance and it is a way for you both to see other sides of things, as that would make it an ideal place to discuss your situation with outside people and deside from there what to do.

CW

[Mr. ED]

There is nothing 'hidden' in my "long story short" clauses. The post is true as it happened. However, before posting I made a little wager with a friend as to the type of feedback I would receive. I should have bet four dinners instead of two. I didn't count on international agreement! But it just proves the fact that genders will stick together no matter what. I do appreciate the feedback, and thanks for the dinners for me and my wife. The type of response was not a surprise. As for the risk factor.......I would not. Believe it or not! There are more women psychologists then men.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

There is nothing 'hidden' in my "long story short" clauses. The post is true as it happened. However, before posting I made a little wager with a friend as to the type of feedback I would receive. I should have bet four dinners instead of two. I didn't count on international agreement! But it just proves the fact that genders will stick together no matter what. I do appreciate the feedback, and thanks for the dinners for me and my wife. The type of response was not a surprise. As for the risk factor.......I would not. Believe it or not! There are more women psychologists then men.

Then Mr Ed, i would like to agree with the person's post that got deleted.

You purely and simply wasted our time.....

Waggering a bet, I would say that your mentality is a bit childish in my Opinion...

Now, If I was you I would go back to that person and give him back his glory because you didn't win he did.

The fact that you wrote "and she is on this Forum" is the reason why you did not receive ANY posts what so ever for what? 3 Days?

And look at what you wrote, " I became enraged, I tore up 76 photos" we are not banding towards a "woman" at all, rather her rights.

The photos belonged to her, they were her possessions, jealousy will bit you in the bum one day, as will you feeling that you can "control" parts of her life.. I would have made you pay for re-prints and they would have been enlargements at that, then I would have posted them all over a wall in the house...

CW

[SorridLives]

Then Mr Ed, i would like to agree with the person's post that got deleted.

You purely and simply wasted our time.....

Waggering a bet, I would say that your mentality is a bit childish in my Opinion.......

The photos belonged to her, they were her possessions, jealousy will bit you in the bum one day, as will you feeling that you can "control" parts of her life.. I would have made you pay for re-prints and they would have been enlargements at that, then I would have posted them all over a wall in the house...

CW

Haha.

[Mr. ED]

Some replies almost made the grade. But if you want to talk about "childish mentality", posting pictures on all the walls in the house would have really solved the problem in a two week old marriage! Gimme a break. And who knows what would have happened had I NOT found the email???