[Mr. ED]

PS:
To the best of my knowledge, chandler's wish, no posts were deleted. I did not know it was possible to delete anything after it was posted. How do you do that, WH Moderator? If anyone knows the contents of the 'deleted' post, I would appreciate an update from someone.

By the way, I had the go ahead from my wife and was advised by some friends including a professional in a distinguished field of business to make the original post. The bet was an afterthought!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Some replies almost made the grade. But if you want to talk about "childish mentality", posting pictures on all the walls in the house would have really solved the problem in a two week old marriage! Gimme a break. And who knows what would have happened had I NOT found the email???

That's great, seems like we got your attention to the real issue, and that is that you actually wanted people's thought as aposed to the reply you gave being that you "placed a bet" on the type of replies and won a dinner, which i would have to say "give me a break"..

I would then be questioning why after only two weeks of Marriage, that this woman was feeling like she wanted to contact an old "friend" or locate him... ?

My thoughts?

It may be a real simple thing like it's really scary "the commitment" word and all that goes with it, so she was simply re-visting her past of that of which she knows is now non-existant and wanting closure on that, looking forward to her future.

It's still a tad I don't know, "jealous" to rip up photos. Past is past, people are allowed to have them and TRUST is marriage.. So you should trust your wife, and not worry about old flames, photos, they are part of her past, not present or future, it shouldn't frighten you.

There is room for TRUST in a marriage but there is no room for JEALOUSY it never pans out, it creates caos.

CW

[Mr. ED]

Yes, CW, I really wanted people's reply to the issue. If you read my original post again, my wife did not want to revisit her past two weeks after we got married. She said she wanted to 'come clean'. What pulled my trigger two weeks after we got married was that I was in Russia one month living in her apartment before we got married. I would think that to be enough time to 'come clean' if that's what she wanted.

As far as "revisiting her past of which she knows is now non-existant and wanting closure on that, looking forward to her future", she located Larry and I happened to find the answering email on July 28th OF THIS YEAR! Five years after the break-up.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Yes, CW, I really wanted people's reply to the issue. If you read my original post again, my wife did not want to revisit her past two weeks after we got married. She said she wanted to 'come clean'. What pulled my trigger two weeks after we got married was that I was in Russia one month living in her apartment before we got married. I would think that to be enough time to 'come clean' if that's what she wanted.

As far as "revisiting her past of which she knows is now non-existant and wanting closure on that, looking forward to her future", she located Larry and I happened to find the answering email on July 28th OF THIS YEAR! Five years after the break-up.

Okay, I've re-read your original post and the replies again.

Firstly, I noted words were pulled from your thread and replied to only based on those words ie) ripping up pictures, ie) seeing an email reply whilst standing behind her.

So, answers flooded in based really I think on those WORDS.. Classic case of not reading in full I will admit same. Unusual for me...

So:- Let's start again because in reality, that's not the case at all, the replies to your thread are based on your actions in-other-words not the actually thread and questions.

If you don't mind I will do it this way:

1. You met a Russian Scientist over an Internet site around 2003.

2. You went to Russia and met her.

3. There was obviously instant chemistry/attraction/lust and consequently you spent the next 12 months emailing her, finally marrying her in 2005.

4. 2 weeks after she married you, ( not during the lengthy emails) she decides to fess up over Larry and shows you photos of him, and tells you that he stayed with her in 2002 and 2003.

5. You were never jealous with other girlfriends in the past, but the pictures all (G) rated enraged you and so you tore them up.

6. You were not upset over the pictures, rather that she chose to tell you once she was married to you. She is not a citizen of your Country.

7. She gave you the impression prior to this that the only man she had ever slept with was her husband who died in 2000.

8. In July 2008, some 3 years later you note that you both are quite distant.. And, as you walk past her computer, you have two in the house, you note a familiar name, "Larry" as a returned email to your wife, current.

9. The story behind Larry is that she helped him, he stayed with her in 2002 and 2003, travelling to her country to get dental work, he had no intention of letting her know that was his last visit and didn't, she found out from a friend and so she confronted him one last time and broke it of.

10. That was in 2003.

11.When you asked her why she wrote to Larry and even as much as searched for him in order to do so, he now lives in Hawaii, she said " I don't know to get even".

12. A Professionals friend of yours has advised you that once the trust is broken it's hard to get back 100%.

13. You love her 100% and you think that she does, at least 85%

14. She became a Citizen in December 2007

15. You in fact went and lived with her for one month prior to marrying her, but she waited until you were married before telling you about Larry, two weeks after you married.

16. She is a member of this Forum and gave you permission to pose this thread.

QUESTION: "Why would she risk lifestlye (free of charge) she doesn't work anymore) .

I don't know Russia, firstly if I can point that out, being in Australia but I am of the understanding that where you both are now, is freer, wealthier.

So, I guess that poses the question of, the "dream".

Also obviously there was chemistry at the start and lots of lust, hense following 12 months emails..

I "dated" someone from across the Globe via Internet for 6 months so I get that, how close you can become to a person, fall for that person...

So, ask her.. Was she in-fact frightened of telling you that there had been someone else other than her husband as you may not have continued that relationship? I think that also she had lived a lie for so long, Larry had only "just" gone out of the picture and she was obviously "hurt" by the fact that she helped him, slept with him had a form of relationship with him and he didn't have the balls to tell her that was his last trip, in-fact he "used her".

Maybe, she felt that pain and stup1d and therefore, couldn't tell you about him even in that month that you were with her in Russia. Because she couldn't face it herself after the death of her husband, the next man that entered her life used her. Yet, here was a guy that loved her and wanted to marry her and give her a new life. So, she shut up. But, then couldn't handle it, because she loves you and told you after you were married, as she felt "safe" you were married now, so you couldn't tell her to leave and go back to Russia for lying.

I have no idea however, why she persued years later, "Larry" maybe physologically she needed him to tell her when he was with her that he did love her and that he just didn't think things would work, he was a Coward, so that she could close that chapter? The one where she felt used?

But also, maybe, as she was a Russian Scientist and hasn't been working all this time, (you don't mention kids), that she is bored, lonley and seeking some form of something... As, obviously if there is "distance" in your lives at the moment, something is not right at home and happiness is not there for either of you in totality at present. Maybe she misses having that intellectual side of her, work, science..

I note that you state that her reason stated to you was "I don't know, I wanted to get even", even over what?

Yes, the trust has been broken and yes, she lied to start with but came clean but as I said, that could have been through fear of loosing you, and also what you would think of her for making such a mistake as he was also "long distance" like you.. Maybe you would have viewed it "in her eyes" as she falls for a guy that gives her attention, as aposed to the fact that she actually fell for you and loves you.

I think though that should have been the end of it, lie out in the open, trust being built, married.

But, I do undestand that she has done it again, broken your trust again, by finding Larry but ask her, was it for closure as she still felt used.

THat's in-security in my opinion, I personally wouldn't have given Larry the second of a day after that and plus she kept his pictures 76 of them for 2 years from when she last saw him. He must have really broken her heart.

To her, your married, he is your husband, Larry is past, if you have feelings still for him, then you shouldn't have married to start with.

If you don't, then it's closed the reason could be un-happy at the moment in your marriage and bordem. But don't expect your husband to trust you again in a hurry you've either lied or, gone behind his back, twice now in this relationship and this relationship is only young.

Talk it out together.

If you need to work in order to feel a sense of being, then discuss this too if that is why your searching around trying to look up a loser that hurt you in the past.

You are in deed risking losing your husband forget the free-of charge bit, lifestyle no offense Mr Ed, but that may not be what she is after, it may be that she needs to feel a part of society, she is from Russian and has only just got her Citizenship and may feel lost as well.

As for why is she risking it?

The answers are in the above, worse scenario being "Talk it out together" to find out.

Best scenario it's in one of those sentences above, so talk it out and find a solution.

That's my "opinion" having read the whole thread and your replies

Mr ED.

CW

[Mr. ED]

Male needs female input.

Dear CW:

I must take my hat off to you (if I wore one) for the time it took you to sift through and write that reply. The only thing you misunderstood is that she will qualify for citizenship this December. Anyone else that may read this post now has a clarification of what I was trying to say. She is all alone here and is used to traveling all over Europe and Asia on government grants and has alot of friends over there. I do realize what she gave up to come over here and what a sacrifice it has been for her the past 2 1/2 years.

I must mention that several years ago I came very close to visiting Perth and Adelaide in Australia. Adelaide because I like the name and Perth because the information I collected beforehand told me that north of Perth is 1000 miles of beach, ocean and outback. I had plans to buy a 4 wheel drive jeep, a good rifle and head north from Perth. But an email got in the way! Just had to add my extra 2 cents. Your alright in my book!

Mr. ED...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Dear Mr Ed...

I am so happy you didn't choose to go to Perth yesterday, then travel down to Adelaide, with that 4 wheel drive and gun seeing as I live in Adelaide..

Your both welcome now though... lol. We have great beaches, and hills and wineries and known to be the City of Churches.

I am pleased that i only got one thing wrong and I trust that now perhaps you may get some more thoughts on the matter at hand...

Off course my arms are aching at typing so many words....

CW

[Mr. ED]

Some coinsidence you living in Adelaide. From what I remember of my notes, it's roughly halfway between Sidney and Perth and not very big. But it sounds nice if it's still secluded. Thanks for the invite...LOL...but in June we plan to go to St. Petersburg. It'll be over three years since she's been home and it's long over due.

By the way, if you ever turn on your computer and get the message "NTLDR is Missing", I spent 3 hours on my wife's computer today to fix it. The manufacturer, Gateway, told me it would cost $199.99 for a phone fix and I would lose all my data! It's like trying to start your car without a key and not being able to hot-wire it. Thanks again for the time and effort you put into that long post. But it was worth it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well that's fantastic that you are taking her "home".. Seems your okay in my books too...

Now you lot?

What's going on?

Surely you either want to disagree with my thoughts, or add yours?

I made it easy to read..... truly..... it didn't take me long... honest....... what do you think?

There you go, bought up the thread again, what else can one do as a WH Moderator as you called me, actually Chandler is better.

CW

[Mr. ED]

Hi Chandler:

Not too much going on with me. I detect an Australian accent. "Now you lot? What's going on?" Naturally it only sounds like an 'accent' to me.

Except for #14, you got all the other 15 facts in the 'A' column. Your even right about the chemistry and lust! I do believe she waited the two weeks after we got married because she may have thought I'd also "skip town" had she told me before the marriage. It would have been much better. But the fact of believing (naively) that she was a one man woman up to that point for a year didn't help either. You seem to have a good understanding of the interactions of the human genders for lack of a better phrase. As for the present situation, I did tell her that if she wanted to get even with Larry for being dumped, even after five years, the right thing to do would have been to ask me to help her 'get even'.

To contradict what many people living outside the US believe, the streets here are not paved with gold! You might have heard how bad the shape of our economy is. And our two presidential nominees leave something to be desired.

Being WH Moderator and I read that men were invited even though it's basically a woman's forum, why don't they have Avitars for men? How many post do you have to have before you can post your own Avitar?

By the way, when it's midnight in Adelaide it's only 7pm here. I just like dealing with time zones. St. Petersburg, Russia is 11 hours in front of us and has 11 time zones. It also has 1/6th of the earth's land mass.

I have to ask you, if your given name is Chandler.....what's your wish?

Mr. ED...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hello back Mr Ed.

Off course I am going to add in my native tongue if i could poke it out i would think about it.

Yes, but we are women, and she had a fear, remember that this Larry was also across the World and he let her down, add into the equation that her husband died, only a couple of years before he came on the seen and really also you.

If there was Chemistry and Lust, then Love, I am not sure if i would hold that white lie as well for the same reason... "Will he still marry me" I mean it was one guy not 10, but the illusion she created was because she is a good woman not a ........ so telling you after 10 months for instance, you may have thought what else did she lie about? Were there more, etc.

The fact that she told you, means that she understand the importance of honesty in a marriage..

I am not saying she was right, but I am saying that I can sense the logic in her actions, at that time...

I totally agree, that therefore, the next step for her should have been talking to you about how he, Larry maybe was eating at her, for the way he did things if she wanted to get even..

Especially, considering she opened up and told you about him to start with... But, it also takes years sometimes, to gain that communication between two people and remember how you met.

It's not like you had 12 months together daily, weekly and then got married.

Seems maybe she simply has "communication" issues to work out and understand that you are an "understanding man" and that you are not controlling, rather will stand by her side, if she only opened up to you more and communicated.

Again, it could be because you ripped up those photos haha. No, seriously, she could have felt that it upset you that much that she can't talk about him to you or how she feels.

Again, it takes time for two people to totally open up and she needs to now know that she can.

Yes, here we see New York, apartments, and Movie Stars, that is the extent of what we really know about America and off course, September 11.

But, yes, as I have been here a while now, I do understand the millions of people living in one city, and that it is hard to make ends meat, I think I live in a lucky country...

It was Russia I did not know more about whether that was like say Bosnia, where they are so poor that people move to Australia, clean houses just to send those monies back to their families for food on their tables.

HAHA, there are so many men here I have now lost count.... I think it's great that we all can offer advice on any topic, from different perspectives.

Yes, I know that the aviators are mainly of women's faces, but then again when it all started it was built for Women... So that makes sense, you can post your own photo, or brad pitt now that would be nice to see. It is achievable now. You can set it up now, receive visitors messages and befriend people, at 31, 32 posts you can send private messages.

Chandlers Wish was me sitting at this Computer going WT? I have no idea what name to pick? My first name in fact starts with K...

So, I was watching Friends on TV, Chandlers sounded good, wish is because I have so many now, since separating haha, there was a good reason behind that, called "NON COMMUNICATION", you two need to ensure exists.

Now if you can't work out your Aviator I will try to explain on a visitors Message.

PS: So Who is your Wife? Only joking... I know she won't tell me .... lol..